Snakes on a Sub
“Regulations, my foot. Just wait ’til I put one under Ol’ Bradley’s blanket.”
While ashore in South America, the world’s most idiotic sailor buys a bucket full of poisonous snakes to take aboard the submarine he’s assigned to. The snakes not only begin attacking the crew, but also cause malfunctions that could doom the entire submarine to the ocean’s floor.
“Snakes on a Sub” is a little misleading as the title of this 1974 made-for-television movie is actually Fer-De-Lance. That title is not only the name of the submarine, it’s also a type of snake, hence the reason the sailor decides to bring a bushel of them aboard.
Fer-De-Lance is a potential classic undermined by its complete lack of character. One of the essential ingredients in a decent disaster movie is its characterization. This needn’t be deep, but it should at least be evident, or at least half as compelling as the colourful jumpsuits the international civilian scientists are forced to wear. Nowhere in Fer-De-Lance are we introduced to the sailor who cracks open his wallet to show a picture of his newborn son, or the Captain and the nurse who are sharing a forbidden tryst, or the 10-year-old stowaway who fell asleep onboard while the submarine was docked. Instead the movie proceeds almost as if it were some kind of absurd documentary, with nearly everyone acting efficiently and with military precision. And who wants that?
In place of compelling stereotypes we are treated to near-identical drones and enough nautical jargon to help me get through naval academy. There are only two exceptions to this, and both instances are the best parts of the movie. One of the crew members begins to lose it, while another becomes more of a hardass the more he drinks, and he seems to drink alot. Finally, to be fair, in the end Fer-De-Lance does have one of the most simple yet effective snake kills I have ever seen, and I’m a real sucker for any movie that finishes on a high note.
August 17th, 2006 at 9:36 am
I also recommend Rattlers (1976), a pretty good nature attacks film which actually has snakes on a plane (well, offscreen, but still…). Something Weird has it on DVD, and it’s also available in Mill Creek’s 50 Drive-In films box set. Lots of slitery fun.
August 22nd, 2006 at 10:34 am
What is it with the 70s and snakes? I watched The Big Doll House and Delinquent Schoolgirls over the weekend, and both featured snakes molesting young women. That’s three in one weekend! Very Freudian.
Oh, and how are those 50-packs? I’ve considered getting one or two but I heard there were watermarks on most of the films. I don’t mind a lack of quality, but watermarks drive me nuts. As if I don’t already have a stockpile of unwatched films…
August 23rd, 2006 at 10:01 am
They are not bad, worth it for the occasional obscurity, plus I figured I probably would never have to buy a public domain DVD again! I picked up the horror, sci-fi, martial arts, drive-in and “chilling classics” packs (250 films!), most for $17 US off of Amazon.com–they’re still on sale, so you may consider grabbing a few. All the films on drive-in are watermarked, about 4 times per film for 5 seconds, that’s it–not too terrible.
The horror and sci-fi ones have all the usual suspects, NotLD, Nosferatu, White Zombie, etc. Chilling Classics has a few goodies, Track of the Moon Beast, Dr. Tarr’s Torture Dungeon, Revenge of Doctor X (Ed Wood’s last horror script–insane film), I Bury the Living and a bunch of Canadian films too. martial arts I bought only for a Weng Weng movie, and Drive-In has some interesting oddities–Rituals, Shock w/ Vincent Price, Going Steady (a Lemon Popsicle film), Prime Time, and the aforementioned Rattlers. I’m obsessive about watching everything I have bought, but I’ve learned the trick is really not to bother with the junk on these things.