Sean T. Collins over at Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat has posted a great little video entitled Sheena Was A Parasite by a band called The Horrors. I have many weaknesses, and one of them is purposely low-grade filmmaking masking high-end special effects (for another example of what I’m talking about, check the news footage in Signs). Academy award-nominee Samantha Morton plays the title parasite, which is kind of shocking considering her adorable portrayal in Sweet and Lowdown. The video was banned on MTV, not because of the disturbing hentai implications but because of all the strobing. I blame Poekmon.

Diane, in my hand I’m holding a small box of chocolate bunnies.

I’ve been rewatching Twin Peaks recently, a show I haven’t seen since it first aired over fifteen years ago. Even though it’s been a decade and a half, and my memory is usually lousy, when the end of the pilot was creeping up it all came flooding back to me. It’s funny how the show has lodged itself in my subconscious.

Today we present the Grammy Award-winning tie-in, The Twin Peaks Tapes of Agent Cooper, of interest only to fellow Peak Freaks. Available in both Mp3 form and through Rapidshare.

Whenever Joe Dante’s Piranha comes up in conversation, and in my circle of friends that’s surprisingly often, the one point that everyone inevitably brings up is the appearance of a little stop-motion creature about fifteen minutes in. This Ymirish-like monster is shown just this once and never seen again, but because of its incongruous screen time the image not only sticks with the viewer long after the film is finished, but opens up a bevy of unanswered questions.

The non sequitur is a Joe Dante trademark. But many of these seemingly random moments have a greater effect on the audience than mere slapstick. The goal of most directors seems to be to give the audience a film that is a cohesive whole, where every scrap of film serves a deliberate purpose and strives toward a predermined end. While Joe Dante is cerainly capable of that, it seems as if he’s unable to resist punching holes through the the reality he’s fabricated and showing another underneath. It isn’t enough that we’re viewing a terrifying world brimming with monstrous fish, or Florida during the Cuban Missle Crisis, but if we only had the means to actually enter those situations we could disregard the main narrative and follow that stop-motion creature on a seperate adventure or watch the entirety of Mant! Dante doesn’t just entice you into his skewed worldview by offering depth, but provides a lateral shift that gives the viewer just enough added wonder to want to enter his fantasies more completely.

There’s a whole other world in there. And probably another underneath that one, too.

This post was written for the Joe Dante Blog-A-Thon. Check out Mastermind Tim Lucas’ Video Watchblog for more entries.

And happy birthday, Mr. Dante!

Here it is. The final no-holds-barred cage match between the last three contestants in The Horror Blog Monster Rally.

Who will come out on top? The cadaverous menace of The Blind Dead? The subtle woodland madness of The Blair Witch? Or the pint-sized prickliness of The Critters? This is quite possibly your one and only chance to engage in true democracy.

Three walk in. Only one slithers out. Vote in the sidebar.

Michael I. Cohen of the film blog FLICKHEAD (it’s so much better capitalized) shares the kind of strange tale of obsession that most movie buffs can relate to. In his case, the nearly-decade long hunt for a song that accompanied a Kenneth Anger short.

“What impressed me about Rabbit’s Moon wasn’t the film itself — a seven-minute, black-and-white affair in which three clowns prance around in a moon-lit forest. No, what really caught my attention was the soundtrack — a demonic laugh kicked off a jaunty, organ-driven Beatlesque song that sounded like some half-forgotten top forty hit from the glam-rock era.”

The entire twisted tale, along with an mp3 of the song in question, can be found here.

Name an actor or actress whose perfomance in a horror movie you feel has been largely overlooked.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

I’m partial to Kelli Maroney’s performances in two films - NIGHT OF THE COMET where she kept our interest despite the fact she was a vapid valley girl (or maybe because..?) and ZERO BOYS which was made by my old boss, Nico Mastorakis. I know the film well having seen it over and over at the old Omega House in West Hollywood. She was vulnerable and yet determined and really elevated the simple plot and cheap thrills. It was a fun potboiler.

Stacie - Final Girl

I think Eric Freeman’s performance as Ricky in Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is one of the most fun performances in a horror movie EVER. I have no idea if Freeman is pulling one over on the audience or not with his mugging and exaggerated expressions and the nonsensical cadence he gives to virtually every line reading, but man. It’s a virtuoso performance that propels the movie from “bad” to “so bad it’s good”. I love it. Eric Freeman needs to make more movies RIGHT NOW.

I don’t know if it can be called “overlooked” or not, but I’m also in love with Deborah Foreman’s performance as Muffy/Buffy in April Fool’s Day. I think that’s a generally overlooked fun slasher flick, and Foreman just steals the show. She’s creepy even when she’s not trying to be, and her take as crazy Buffy is one of the few where the character actually seems INSANE. There’s tons of good things to say about April Fool’s Day, but Foreman is boss! She needs to make more movies RIGHT NOW as well.

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

Craig Wasson in BODY DOUBLE. It’s the right performance from the right actor in the right role in a great De Palma bloodbath. Every link in that chain has been roundly criticized by one reviewer or another. Well, they’re all wrong. It works.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

Anthony Franciosa as Alan Foster in Antonio Margheriti’s Web Of The Spider. Yes, Web is a remake of Margheriti’s earlier hit, Castle Of Blood… but it has a funk all on its own and is one of my favorite EuroGothHorrors. Franciosa pulls the movie along in almost every scene (when Klaus Kinski isn’t huffing and chuffing as Poe) and makes the film work simply by his reactions to the spooky surroundings. Be sure to look for an uncut print in Italian-most PD versions are clunky pan and scanned and censored versions. A great film that needs a fair evaluation in the new digital age.

Gary Wintle

Warwick Davis, for sure! While among many circle he is in fact a god, for many he hides behind many of our favourite creatures. Leprechaun!!!!

It’s quality over quantity this week. Makes me want to run out and discover some new talent. Thanks to those who contributed, and happy holidays to my American neighbours!

And you thought the Critters vs. Pinhead match-up didn’t make any sense. Here it is, the final fight before next week’s battle royale. The master of creepy folk arts, the Blair Witch, paired up against those commode commandos, the Ghoulies. I’ve gotta tell ya, I’m so glad I’m almost done making up crazy nicknames for this shit. It’s exhausting. As usual, vote for your favourite in the sidebar, and make sure you get your licks in for the Blind Dead/Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees debacle while you’re at it.

With his feature film Fantasia, Walt Disney attempted to bridge the gap between what was perceived then as high culture and low culture by combining classical music with animation. Now, sixty-six years later, his legacy continues, this time with the use of symphonic beauty to underscore the fragile grace of depaitations, cranium spearings, and hyper-cerebral electrosis, or, to use layman’s terms, head explosions.

It’s Eurotrash Templars versus all-American Slashers in today’s Horror Blog Monster Rally. Choose your side and vote for either The Blind Dead or the tag team of Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. Just remember, like the Man in Black says, sooner or later God’s gonna cut ‘em down.

And while you’re at it make sure you get a vote or two in for the Critters/Pinhead rumble.

I’ve mentioned this a few times before, but I just can’t seem to get indignant about the recent trend in horror remakes. I’ve become hardened over the years. But there is one remake that pisses me off, and it’s The Hitcher, though not for any reason you may suspect. It’s not because I hold the original in high regard, or because the screenwriter is the same mastermind behind the recent When A Stranger Calls fiasco. No, my reason for hating The Hitcher remake before it’s release is admittedly stupid and petty on my part.

“The problem these days - I don’t know about in Australia, but here - nobody picks up hitchhikers anymore. So I had to work on making the villain a lot cleverer… more calculated.”

That is a quote from an interview with The Hitcher screenwriter Jake Wade Wall, and it drives up the wall. Has this guy ever stepped outside? How do you hire someone for a hitchhiking movie who isn’t aware, or willing to make himself aware, that although hitchhiking isn’t nearly as prevalent today as it was over twenty years ago it’s still practiced by thousands in North America alone. Not only have I hitchhiked quite a few times but I’ve also picked up hitchhikers on those rare occassions when I’ve been out driving, and I’ve never had to resort to clever or calculating ruses to sucker my rides. Just a thumb and some patience.

If you still want to subject yourself to the seizure-inducing trailer for The Hitcher remake, knock yourself out. Via Bloody Disgusting.

Regular readers of this blog may have noticed that I tend to avoid topics that many of the larger entertainment sites and blogs thrive on, most noticeably box office receipts. This decision isn’t out of some sort of stance, but is rather one of general disinterest. I know that I should, and that other’s might care about such things, but it bores the fuck out of me. Today is an exception to that rule.

I was scrolling past this past weekend’s box office take when I noticed something peculiar. Depending on your source either the After Dark’s Horror Fest: 8 Films To Die For collectively, or Gravedancers singly, has broken through to the top ten. This despite the lack of a traditional ad campaign, eschewing television for internet promotions. It even beat out another new release, the comedy Let’s Go To Prison, ads for which I’ve been bombarded by for the past few weeks and which opened in three times as many theatres. This upset is even more surprising when you take into account the amount of revenue made per screen. Even though it came out at a respectable #10, 8 Films To Die For made more per screen than all but three of the other films in the top spots (though venturing even further down would indicate that other arthouse fare did even better in this category than any film on the list).

I don’t know about the other films being shown in the Fest, but Gravedancers was great fun, and I hope that this means that they’ll consider branching out to more theatres. Regardless, this is a great victory for independently produced horror, and I hope that it starts a trend towards getting similar packages into the local multiplex.

I always feel a little weird posting a NOT WORK SAFE warning. After all, this is a horror blog and you probably should expect some questionable content. Still, an experience from my past has drilled into me the need to make the occassional announcement, and Robin Bougie’s comic Turd is deserving of that honour.

The first story, Special Enforcer X starring Rubbins ‘N Tuggs, is a stunning amalgamation of every sleazy grindhouse flick thrown together with heaping dollops of deviant sex and absurd violence. Teresa Rubbins and Garrison Tuggs are cops with a license to kill, hot on the trail of Smegma Fondu, the lactating monster who killed Rubbins’ family. Hey, anything that references Lady Cop is alright by me. The story so far.

We’re really getting into the nitty gritty now. Today two of The Horror Blog Monster Rally’s favourite combatants clash. Who has the sharper instruments of destruction? Those carnivorous creeps from the cosmos, the pugnacious prince of perniciousness, or my thesaurus? Cast your ballot in the sidebar for the monster you most want to see make it to next week’s finale!

It’s my happening and Ia Ia Cthulhu F’tagn! Dark Lord Rob has contacted me about his first feature film, The Miskatonic Acid Test, and he wants to blow your mind.

It’s 1969, and cosmic horror infects a psychedelic rock “happening” in witch-haunted Arkham, Mass. It’s a zonked out brew of poetry, philosophy, metaphysical terror, and 60’s-style acid rock; probably the first horror movie that’s more heavily influenced by the Monkees’ “Head” than by George Romero. Sort of like Monterey Pop, only at the end monsters attack everybody.

Potentially even more important than the film is Dark Lord Rob’s efforts to preserve the long-lost Arkham Sound, even going so far as to make tracks from that era available for the first time in decades, including Erich Zann by The Howl and the legendary Come to Arkham (Wear the Wind in Your Hair) by Byron Fenris. I didn’t think these songs would ever turn up again. Praise Yog-Sothoth!

Name a film you haven’t seen on the big screen that you would love to.

Nick - DVDTrash

The list is huge: Deep Red, Suspiria and Diabolik immediately spring to mind!

Billy - House of Irony

I would love to see some of the old classics, like Frankenstein and Dracula, but with the original serials they would play before them too. And to see everyone dressed up in tuxedos and gowns as well. Make it an event!

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I never got to see the original PHANTASM on the big screen. I would’ve loved to see that one. I became a fan of it only after seeing it on it’s HBO premiere.

T. Van - Tolerated Vandalism

One film I’d love to see on the big screen is Halloween. I think the creepiness of the film would only be accentuated on a big screen. I guess I’ll have to settle on the Rob Zombie remake that is coming out next year.

On a side note, I did see Halloween III: Season of the Witch at the drive-in. It didn’t make any difference. That movie still sucked.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

This goes back to your programming a Horror Film Fest question weeks ago:

I would like to see the Universal Monster series on the big screen. To have Karloff and Lugosi and Rathbone and the rest of “the gang” on the big screen again would thrill me to the bone. As an added bonus I would like to see a matching Hammer Horror festival back on the big screen.

I have seen the original King Kong on the big screen and it was tremendous.

Gary Wintle

GOONIES!

Heeey yoooouuuu GUUUUYSSSSSSS on the big screen!

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

After catching Black Sunday on the big screen a few years ago it really struck me that Mario Bava’s images are even more striking when they are projected onto a full theatre screen. Combine that with my love of Peplum flicks and I’d say that Hercules In The Haunted World would be a truly fantastic experience. Big Muscles, Big Rocks and Big Screens for me!

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

There are so many great 1950s sci-fi/horror flicks that I missed out on. I would have loved to have seen films like The Blob or The Day the Earth Stood Still on the big screen. There are countless others, though, that would rate just as high.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

I was kind of surprised by the first film that popped to mind - Gremlins. But it just seems like it’d be a lot of fun on the big-screen with a big audience, and I was too young when it first came out. Plus, I always thought the shot of the Gremlins tearing through the screen showing Snow White would be really cool to see on an actual theater screen, as opposed to a dinky TV one.

Joakim - Mexploitation

The Shining, definitely. So many huge visuals in that movie, so much empty interior space, it’d probably be really overwhelming to see in a theater. Preferably in a huge theater with just me in the audience.

Don’t just stand there. Go visit the various blogs and sites of the roundtable miscreants for even more horror news and opinions.