Horror Roundtable - Week Forty

Name an obscure horror movie you feel deserves wider recognition.
That would be the early and little-seen Naschy flick LAS NOCHES DEL HOMBRE LOBO. A real standout among his werewolf movies–and I love all of them!
It might be considered more “action” than “horror”, but my choice would be the ’80s flick NIGHTS OF RAGE, starring Cynthia Rothrock. For those who don’t know her, Cynthia Rothrock is sort of the female Chuck Norris, and she’s starred in such films as CHINA O’BRIEN, CHINA O’BRIEN 2, RAGE AND HONOR, and RAGE AND HONOR 2.
In NIGHTS OF RAGE, Cynthia plays a woman running a youth center in the ghetto, and all her students (including one played by Rae Dawn Chong!), of course, adore her. She teaches them how to be well-adjusted young citizens, and they teach her how to pop and lock. No, I’m not kidding.
Anyone who’s seen a Cynthia Rothrock movie knows that the plots are pretty much the same: something bad happens in Cynthia Rothrock’s life, such as the death of a loved one, and she seeks revenge using her awesome karate skills. NIGHTS OF RAGE is no different! Being set largely in the ghetto, and emerging during the height of ‘Just Say No!’ mania, the evil villain in NIGHTS OF RAGE is, as you may have guessed, a drug dealer. See, he’s selling the kids some new drug called “ice”, and it’s supposed to give a killer high. It does, but- and here¹s where the movie gets its horror vibe- “ice” also turns the kids into zombie-type creatures who kill kill kill! Cynthia’s kids aren’t USING the drugs, natch, but when poor Rae Dawn Chong ends up *SPOILER ALERT* dead at the hands of one of the “zombies”, Cynthia has to take matters into her own hands…and feet, as it were, by doling out some roundhouse kicks.
The zombies get dispatched, and then comes the final showdown in the dealer’s warehouse headquarters between Cynthia and the dealer himself, who’s named Chilly. At one point, Chilly totally has the upper hand, but then Cynthia’s Kids burst into the warehouse help her out. They don’t know karate, but they DO know breakdancing- some of them do that helicopter-spinning move, and they kick Chilly a whole bunch while Cynthia gathers her wits. Like any good movie with an action bent, the hero (or heroine, I guess) has a final line- Cynthia says to a dazed Chilly “It’s time to put YOU on ice!” and then there’s one final, slo-mo roundhouse kick to end Chilly’s reign of terror. Hooray!
I’ve looked for NIGHTS OF RAGE, but it’s not on DVD (that I know of) and the only time I’ve seen it for sale, it was one of those uber-pricy out of print VHS listings. A friend of mine who runs a video store in New York showed me this movie one night, and your question has reminded me about it. I need to give him a call and get a copy of this flick!
David Z. - Tomb It May Concern
I’ve long been obsessed with seeing this obscure Takashi Miike film. The reviewer once sent me a copy on DVDr, but it wouldn’t spin up. The joy of the digital age, nothing beats finding the holy grail and then it being in a format that won’t work on your equipment. I couldn’t find the author of this review (published in 2005 at Cinema Nocturna)… last I heard he was attending a seminar on Ninja Techniques being held someplace in Ohio. I hope that he is OK, and that someday I’ll find a copy of OCCULT KILLER KYOTO!
Read all about it here!
Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir
Turkish Jaws (a.k.a. kÖpekbaliĞi)
A few years ago I was at a horror convention and I bought a bunch of Turkish remakes of American movies. None of the films had covers and they were all video dubs with no subtitles, so the guy gave me a great deal on the half dozen that he had left. I got the Turkish version of the Exorcist, Superman, E.T., Star Wars, Star Trek and a “bonus” one he threw in that he said he decided to stop selling because the quality was so poor.
Turns out that it was actually a remake of Jaws, called kÖpekbaliĞ, which, I assume translates to “shark,” as characters in the film yell it out every time they see what we’re supposed to believe is the Great White killer. The plot, which hardly resembles that of the original, has a mustachioed sort-of secret agent guy (who dresses like a jewel thief!) dispatched to a seaside town after the locals are attacked by the kÖpekbaliĞ. Mainly appearing as an obviously homemade wooden fin, it pulls unlucky swimmers under – about five seconds before their obviously plastic skeletons bob to the surface. And it all happens to that familiar low bass throb, stolen right off the Jaws soundtrack!
As our cool-as-kabob-sauce Agent Mustache woos a local girl (at the town disco!) and enlists a crusty fisherman to join the hunt, the local gangster – who also has his eyes on the girl – is trying to catch the shark himself so he can use it against his enemies. How he plans to do this is mystery, and he spends most of his time torturing rival gangsters on his yacht by prodding them with a harpoon and pouring what looks like grape juice in their eyes. In a jealous rage he kidnaps the girl to use for shark bait, but luckily Agent Mustache sneaks aboard and starts karate fighting the gangster’s henchmen, tossing them overboard where they quickly become floating skeletons.
By far, the best part of the movie is the ending, which rivals anything I’ve seen for sheer ridiculousness. Before Agent Mustache can save the girl, the gangster casts a spell which makes the “shark” appear on the boat. As you can from the video capture still I snagged (left), it’s just a dude in a really crappy shark costume. Nevertheless, a seemingly endless shark-and-gangster-on-hero fistfight breaks out, which ends with Agent Mustache stabbing both kÖpekbaliĞ and the gangster with the harpoon. The crusty fisherman rescues the hero and his gal, then the locals throw them a party at the disco.
Although the image quality is nearly unwatchable, kÖpekbaliĞ is still jaw-dropping. Or rather… Jaws-dropping. It’s also about as obscure as it gets.
Casey Criswell - Cinema Fromage
Ever since I saw Revenge of the Jackelope back in 86 I find myself looking over my shoulder frequently every time I go into the woods. That little shit could do a hell of a lot of damage at only two and a half foot tall. It’s made me look over my shoulder every time I go into the video store as well. As of this date, it still hasn’t received the DVD release it so richly deserved.
I first saw Pilgrims In Mass when I was in university. I remember a guy who lived in my residence kept telling me that if I liked horror movies I had to see this crazy Norweigan flick. He was a bit of a weirdo but he had a decent record collection so I managed to track down a VHS copy.
From the title I was expecting a quasi religious film about Thanksgiving in a Catholic Church. Boy was I wrong. Instead you are met with the story of two teenagers who go on a killing spree while dressed in full Black Metal regalia. The soundtrack is bleak and depressing and will probably make you want to kill yourself. The imagery on the screen isn’t much better. A lot of blood is shed [and I mean a lot]. You will see some boobs but you’ll never feel clean again. It’s mostly full of unknowns [although I’m sure they’re remotely famous in Norway] but if you keep your eyes open you may catch a rare glimpse of Øystein Aarseth and Varg Vikernes sitting together in the back of a grimy bar.
It hasn’t been released on DVD but I have found references to a rare Japanese Laserdisc that, supposedly, has the director’s commentary. I’d love to get my hands on this film but I’m sure I would hate it now. If you do manage to see this make sure that you have lots of absinthe on hand. You’re going to need it.
Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat
Somewhere deep within the boxes in which I keep my VHS tapes (remember those) is a nine inch nails bootleg video anthology called The X-Files, and in there somewhere is a short, homemade-by-Trent-Reznor-and-crew, extremely unauthorized reenactment of the “get them off me!” scene from Reznor fave Clive Barker’s Hellbound: Hellraiser II. The snuff-film quality of the entire affair, which was intended as part of this really brutal Henry-inspired framing device for the videos off the broken EP, probably precludes an official release, but a fella can dream.
Louis - Damaged 2.0
When I was in Matamoros, I was in this record store and they had a stack of DVDs, they looked like bootlegs, and all the covers were bad, black and white Xerox copies. They were mostly South of the Border sex comedies and narco action films, but at the bottom of the pile, I saw something really creepy. The cover had no words, and the paper was black, except for a pentagram with a goat’s head in it. Completely intrigued, I paid roughly three dollars American for it. Written on the disk, in marker, was the title MATANZANA DE LOS INNOCENTS.
I didn’t get to watch it until I finally got home from vacation. It was the only time I have watched it–it literally scared the Hell out of. It felt like something I shouldn’t be watching. It’s obviously very low-buget, with almost no plot, it has no credits and is shot entirely on a handheld camcorder. Basically, the story is there’s this group of punk teenagers who have a Satanic cult and they kill animals in sacrifice. There’s one scene where they sacrifice a goat and for a second, it had me thinking it was real. There’s also a scene where they burn a church and film it off in the distance, laughing the whole time. The movie abruptly ends in an orgy in a barn, with around sixteen or so people fucking in pools of blood and animal guts, when a gunshot goes off outside. Some guy comes running into the barn, profusely bleeding screaming “Policia!”. There’s a few more gunshots and then nothing but static and snow.
Obviously a homage to SNUFF, by way of the Harmony Korine school of GUMMO (and, most impressively, utilizing almost every aspect of the Dogme 95 Manifesto to a T), MANTANZANA DE LOS INNOCENTS is the most shocking, horrific, terrifying film I have ever seen and I only wish I could find a legitimate release to learn more info about it. A true undiscovered classic.
As if my stack of shame wasn’t already large enough! This was probably my favourite Horror Roundtable yet, which makes the following announcement especially tough. As I mentioned last week, I’ve run out of ideas, so this will be the final Horror Roundtable. Thanks once again to everyone who contributed over the past forty weeks and please make sure you check out their respective blogs.

March 31st, 2007 at 2:08 am
Dave–I had read about TURKISH JAWS for years, but I could never track down a copy. I’ll trade you a copy of TURKISH GOONIES for a copy of TURKISH JAWS…
March 31st, 2007 at 7:20 am
That better be an April Fool’s joke right there at the end.
March 31st, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I’m really sorry that I missed participating in what looks to be the last horror roundtable! My computer has been having random meltdowns all week and in turn it’s slowing me down.
I will add that my own favorite obscure horror movie which I feel deserves wider recognition is the great Italian film Ritorno dal cinema (Return from the Cinema, 1986) directed by the great Giacomo Campiotti. Sadly Campiotti’s few early horror films are hardly known outside of Italy, probably due to the excessive gore which has gotten him blacklisted by the Catholic church.
Return to the Cinema is an unauthorized sequel to Lamberto Bava’s Demons, but it’s much darker and far more gorier then Bava’s film. Bobby Rhodes’s (Tony the pimp) is the films real star. He returns from the dead and spends most of the film rampaging through a movie theater with a chainsaw in one hand and a blowtorch in the other, while desperately trying to kill hundreds of demons. He wants pay back for the death of his whores in the previous movie. There’s a weird subplot involving the Virgin Mary, the holy grail and Mary Magdalene which really pissed off the Catholic church.
For some reason Lamberto Bava hated the movie and tried to have all original prints destroyed and has suppressed information about the film. I think it’s been forgotten because all the other Demons sequels have sort of overshadowed it, but I really don’t know why since in many ways it’s even better then the original movie.
Hopefully it will get released on DVD some day!
April 1st, 2007 at 9:07 pm
April Fools!
Dude, that Cynthia Rothrock movie sounds vaguely familiar… :)
This group rules!
April 1st, 2007 at 9:21 pm
best roundtable!! not really the last, is it?
April 2nd, 2007 at 10:33 am
“Dave–I had read about TURKISH JAWS for years, but I could never track down a copy. I’ll trade you a copy of TURKISH GOONIES for a copy of TURKISH JAWS…”
Louis,
That sounds great, but I heard there are actually two versions of Turkish Goonies. Is this the one where Sloth is a wrestler with an eye-patch, half the “kids” have moustaches and the pirates eat the fat kid? Apparently that’s the one to see. Either way, let’s do it!
April 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am
[…] Pull up a chair to the Roundtable now. […]
April 2nd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Sure, Turkish Goonies sounds great, but don’t be fooled. Unless you’re interested in Turkish political allegories of the 1980’s, you’ll be bored to tears, Dave. It isn’t worth ten Turkish Jaws, and I haven’t even seen kÖpekbaliĞi.
I’m genuinely excited about almost all of these films. As I’ve indicated above, I’ve already viewes kÖpekbaliĞi at least seven times, and being a life-long fan of Cynthia Rothrock I’ve already seen Nights of Rage (stellar choice, Stacie).
Kimberly! You should have emailed me your response anyway. An unauthorized sequel to Demons rules! Any chance I can get a copy? Mantanzana Des Los Innocents and Pilgrims in Mass freaked me out just from reading about them, so I’ll be sure to track them down. I thought I had read all of Paul Cooke’s excellent reviews over at Cinema Nocturna, so Dave’s inclusion of Occult Killer Kyoto is a real shock. I can’t say Nine Inch Nails has ever done anything for me, but the idea of a snuff-style Hellraiser movie would work no matter who was helming it. And Casey, I’m one of those people who appreciates a spooky woods story. The forest at night scares me like little else. And I’m Canadian! I live in a giant oak!
I don’t know about this Las Noches Del Hombre Lobo business. Sounds made up.
And my announcement about retiring The Horror Roundtable was my little April Fool’s joke. I couldn’t think of anything else to do. Yeah, pretty lame.
September 26th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
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