Name the one horror-related item you couldn’t bear to part with.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

It’s a tie between my big gigantic Complete Books of Blood hardcover, containing each and every one of Clive Barker’s BoB short stories, which is out of print and awesome, and my advance readers’ edition of Barker’s Coldheart Canyon, which is autographed and contains an original Barker sketch AND a bunch of real-life character names that had to be altered to avoid litigation upon the book’s actual publication. Sweet stuff both.

Billy

CHAINSAWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I have one of the rare sculpted “Re-Animator” head in a tray paperweight-chachkis given out by Vestron Video when it was first released on home video. It was only given out to stores that ordered a certain minimum quantity of the original VHS version. I still have it and won’t part with it even though Brian Yuzna himself wanted it and tried to buy it off of me! So far… it’s NOT for sale!

Nick - DVDTrash

It would have to be either my Beyond Limited Edition Tin or my Ingrid Pitt signed DVD’s. In fact all my Anchor Bay Tins are very precious to me!

Jeff O’Brien

Wow… I don’t go for memorabilia but I have an old dog eared copy of Danse Macabre by Stephen King that I read and reread time and again for enjoyment and inspiration.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

My Brain….

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

That’s an easy one. I’ve got a dusty plastic Frankenstein model that sits on my desk at work. It’s all black except for the head and hands, which glow. One of the earliest memories I have is putting it together with my dad. It fascinated me as a kid and led to Frankenstein toys, pictures and T-shirt that I wore ’til it fell apart. Probably sparked my love of horror.

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

Uuuhhh . . . my collection? Seriously, how can any horror enthusiast narrow it down to a single item?!? I’ll be interested to see how others respond, because I’m totally at a loss. If you put it in terms of saving stuff if a fire broke out, I’d probably start with the top milk-crate of paperbacks I haven’t read yet.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

I have a big list of things I’m quite attached too, but the number 1 thing I would not part with is my lobbycard of The Frankenstein Monster signed by not only Jess Franco but two of his “co-conspirators.” Quite an amusing autograph to say the least and a great image from a fun movie! Jess Franco…he isn’t just one guy with a pen in his hand!

Stacie - Final Girl

Damn you and your “one item”! I mean, which movie do I choose? Which book? Which autographed picture? This is too difficult.

I¹ll just go with my beloved Freddy Krueger candle. I think it’s probably irreplaceable, unlike mostly everything else.

Or should I say my blog? Does that count? Maybe I’ll say my blog. That’s sweet and non-materialistic.

But I love my Freddy Krueger candle! That’s it…I’ll just take my blog and my Freddy Krueger candle.

And my Polaroid picture of me and Marilyn Burns.

And my copy of Shark Attack III: Megalodon.

And my autographed photo of Christopher Lee as Dracula.

But that’s it!

Oh, and my autographed photo of Claire Bloom in The Haunting. And my copy of Black Christmas signed by Margot Kidder. But I swear, that’s it! No, really, before I turn into The Jerk, that’s really it.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

The corpse of Mr. Belvedere that I keep in the spare bedroom.

And my autographed by Lucio Fulci ZOMBIE 2 one-sheet.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

That’s a tough question, but I’ll have to say my Frankenstein monster doll collection. The monster from Frankenstein has always been my favorite “creature” and I love my collection of monster dolls.

A hearty thanks to all of this week’s incredibly materialistic participants. Make sure you check out their respective blogs for even more filthy capitalism. And come back next week when I ask everyone for their address and the security code to access their building.

It was recently announced that horror DVD staple Anchor Bay would be undergoing a makeover to better align itself with parent company Starz. Obviously one of the most pressing concerns for horror fans was whether this new incarnation would continue its mandate of presenting cult classics in packages that were, at times, even more impressive then the film itself. But there was another, more superficial question tossed around after the announcement was made; what would happen to the sailboat?

The Anchor Bay logo, and its embrace by the horror community, is precisely the kind of “happy mistake” that I love to see in fandom. You couldn’t choose a more inappropriate symbol for a horror icon. I’ll admit that my first thought wasn’t whether Starz would be ditching the horror titles that made Anchor Bay’s name, but that I would miss watching that incongruous sailboat making its way across the screen directly before the carnage of Evil Dead, Halloween or C.H.U.D. begins. How much misplaced pleasure have I taken from simply glancing at my shelves and seeing a world of terror weighed down by that innocuous logo?

Happily, Starz has issued an assurance that the Anchor Bay name and logo will stay in place, at least for their horror output. Hey, when you’re this successful with a sailboat as your logo, don’t fix what ain’t broke.

You may remember that a few weeks back the topic for The Horror Roundtable was horror songs. Well The Manchester Morgue has compiled a selection of horror-themed tunes that fit the bill entitled Werewolf In Unnecessarily Short Gym Shorts. Songs range from Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult to Freddy Krueger by S.O.D.:Stormtroopers of Death and everywhere in between. The Morgue even includes annotations for particular songs, and promises that a follow-up is forthcoming. While you’re at it, make sure you dig through the archives for tons of ghoulish delights, including Friday the 13th 3-D, Battle Royale, License to Drive and plenty more.

Kill the pig, pig, pig, pig
Kill him, kill him, kill him and make him bleed
Get the blood, blood, blood, blood
Kill the pig, make him bleed
Take the blood that’s all we need

- Out For Blood from Carrie, the Musical

I haven’t been keeping up with my favourite music blogs recently, and that’s too bad, because I nearly missed out something I’ve been seeking for awhile now. You Don’t Have To Visit This Blog has a bootleg compilation available of the Carrie Broadway adaptation from that most glorious of decades, the 1980’s. Thrill to the operatic jazzercise sounds of such songs as Out For Blood, The Destruction, and Shower Scene. YDHTVTB also provides plenty of info for those interested in the play’s shameful history. The audio was taken off the floor, so don’t expect pristine quality. Considering the rarity of these songs, I’ll take whatever I can get my hands on.

Recently, the proprieter of You Don’t Have To Visit This Blog has been considering an early retirement from blogging, so make sure you take a peek, dig around, and let him know his work is appreciated.

Name a non-horror director you would like to see take a stab at the genre, and explain why.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I’d like to see Rian Johnson direct a horror film. Brick blew my mind and it’d be great to see him bring his strong sense of character, setting, plot and dialogue to something even darker than a noir pic.

Plus, he’s worked with Lucky McKee, editing May and Roman, so the dude knows a thing or two about what makes a great horror movie.

Jeff O’Brien

PETER BOGDANOVICH because TARGETS is one of the most suspenseful and smart thrillers I’ve ever seen. He should take that innate skill and try a horror pic.

Rony

I seems to me that every director that I want to see make a horror movie has already done at least one early in their career, and it’s so hard to think of directors that would make an awesome horror movie. But if I had to pick fresh meat, I think I would like to see Mel Gibson Make a horror movie because that guy is already messed up as it is and he’s very graphic when it comes to violence in his movies. In recent movies, the directors seem to cut away from the violent/fast paced scenes too quickly and you are always left wondering about what you just saw, where Mel Gibson lets you see it all like in Braveheart and Apocalypto. When you put a crazy man in charge of a horror movie, the movie will most likely come out crazy as well and that’s what I’d like to see. Mel Gibson + crazy = insanely awesome movie.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Well they’re two of my favorite directors so I may be biased, but I’d love to see what Mike White or Todd Solondz would make with a horror film. I mean, there are moments of discomfiture in their films that approach a level of social horror, especially in Solondz’ films (the imagined gun massacre in Happiness… hell, roughly 7/8 of Happiness is a horror show… likewise, I’ve always thought of Welcome to the Dollhouse as an horror-comedy). But really, you’d just have to take one of their beloved misfits one tenth of a degree further and you could have something very interesting indeed.

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

I’d rather not see anyone take a stab at horror if they don’t already love and understand the genre. I’d much rather see a total newcomer with a fresh vision emerging out of a long, heartfelt, and comprehensive engagement with horror.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

For me that would have to be P.T. Anderson, because I am a unabashed fan of his work. It would be interesting to see how he would use characters and dialogue the way he does in a horror maybe supernatural setting.

Joakim - Mexploitation

A lot of my favorite horror movies are actually by what most people consider “non-horror directors”, The Shining is an obvious one, but also Adrian Lyne’s completely brilliant Jacob’s Ladder, and a couple of Lynch movies (I think most people don’t consider Lynch a horror director).

So given that the non-horror directors I’d most like to see have already done horror movies, I’m going to try something a bit out there that I think might work. Baz Luhrmann, director of Romeo+Juliet, Moulin Rouge!, etc. I’d want him to do a large, stylish, 70s type giallo/supernatural horror in the vein of Argento’s Suspiria. Hell, just let the man remake Suspiria. The acting will certainly be better, and we could have musical numbers about people being stabbed, falling through skylights, and being hanged, or falling into a room full of razorwire. And the blood will be super-saturated red instead of 70s orange.

Seriously, though, I think it would work. He has the right sort of over the top stylized aesthetics that would work for horror, especially the more gory, slasher-oriented stuff. It’s basically baroque art in motion, and baroque is definitely a term that could easily be applied to the detailed and inventive deaths typical to slasher movies. And yeah, the over-saturated red thing…

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

Once upon a time I would have said Neil Labute, but we saw how that turned out. W.D. Richter would be my choice to get back into directing by doing an all out Alien Invasion film…but without the Hong Kong Cavaliers to save us. Buckaroo Banzai(etc.) is one of a kind and it would be fun to see how unconventional a horror film could come from the same creators.

Thanks to everyone who came out this week for the Roundtable. Make sure you check out their blogs for further horror goodness. And if all goes well, I’ll be back next week with regular Horror Blog posts.

Share a favourite horror-related website.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

One great resource on the web is zine pioneer Willam Connolly’s great Spaghetti Cinema / Martial Arts Movie Associates page. I used to live for M.A.M.A. when I could pick it up in my favorite poster shop in Cambridge, MA many many many moons ago, and I didn’t really find this site until a year or so ago thanks to a friend forwarding it. Very no frills, it is loaded with amazing information, great stills and contains an excellent database of Italian and Spanish cinema of many groovy types. Go here and enjoy!

Also, just because I like them, I made a little gift for the site if they ever see this post…

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

I don’t know about “obscure,” but my favorite horror-related website is Eurotrash Paradise. It’s a very lively group with a ton of knowledgeable contributors. The discussions there have really crystallized a lot of my tastes and ideas about horror, and pointed me down paths I might not have explored otherwise. That’s where I learned to love the Groovy Age, and I doubt I’d have my blog if it weren’t for that group. The folks there are remarkably civil, considering how much they care about the topics generally under discussion. I’ve had the privilege to meet a lot of them offline, and consider them true friends.

Jeff O’Brien

Fred Olen Ray’s site although I almost hate to let that cat out of the bag… more pro than fan and LOT’S of horror talk.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I’d like to mention a great site called Black Horror Movies.

I came across the site by accident a few months ago while I was looking for reviews for the great horror film Ganja & Hess and added the link to my own blog right away because I thought the site was really interesting. It was created by a writer named Mark H. Harris who also writes for Pop Matters and he offers great insights into the role of black actors in horror films while still managing to keep his sense of humor. He also reviews lots of interesting and sometimes obscure horror movies and I’ve gotten interested in a few films thanks to his site.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Just a little shout-out to CampBlood.org, which covers the queer end of the horror spectrum pretty commandingly.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

You know what site I really love? Leviathan: The World Serpent. This little stand-alone web mockumentary about the biggest sea monster EVAR was an early discovery of mine on my journey through the scary section of the Internet, and it’s stuck with me. In part that’s because of the way its subject matter–the horrific potential of immensity, with the whole water-monster thing itself–are right down my alley. But it’s also because it’s clearly the work of someone who knows what he likes, if you will, and created a horror project that celebrates his personal idiosyncracies regardless of how that affects the viewer/reader’s experience of or belief in it. So it’s both fun and, in its way, courageous. And yeah, it’s scary.

Billy

The sheer horror and terror that comes out of this website will go down in the history of mankind as one of the chief reasons for the fall of western civilization. If only there was a silver bullet for this monster…..

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Although I am a huge fan of just about everyone who participates in this here forum, probably one of my favorite horror-sites isn’t a blog per se, but a podcast, which is really just a blog you can listen to, right? It’s the gang over at NIGHT OF THE LIVING PODCAST, who are the funniest fuckers ever, making up for what they don’t know about horror with one-side-splitting aside after another. They’ve been in battles with FEAR OF CLOWNS’ Kevin Kangas and LIVE FEED’s Ryan Nicholson, have a segment that reviews gay horror porn and makes fun of some of the best of the worst straight-to-video crap. Listening to their show is a regular Sunday night ritual for me and I think that most of you here would dig it, as long as you’re not pretentious about how serious you take your horror.

Gary Wintle

That one’s a given. The Horror Blog is my only source for horror news and goodness.

I’m not a guy that really learns about horror movies beyond watching and digging them and all that, but I’ve always been a fan. I first started checking out this site obviously because it’s my brother’s, but now I check it everyday. Brother be damned, it’s rich with small news bites, which I like and multiple opinions from the Roundtable which I really like. It’s cool being able to fly through it and stop wherever there’s something of interest. No clicking necessary, but I do click on the comments part a lot, seeing other people’s opinions on everything. It’s a horror site that a non horror guy like me can sink my teeth into, that’s why it’s my favourite; not because I love you, Steven.

Casey - Cinema Fromage

The majority of the horror sites I read are already on the Weekly Roundtable, so I’ll try not to reiterate those!

Outside of that, for general news on what’s coming down the pipe theatre wise I generally check in on Arrow In the Head at Joblo.com. Sure, it’s prone to fanboyism every now and them, but we all are from one time or another! That aside, he’s always pretty up to date on news tidbits on horror flicks. And he likes to post pics of hot chicks. Hard to top that eh?

For entertainment value, the flash toon Xombie was a fun way to while the way the hours at work. Revisiting now, looks like I have to hit the comic shop as I didn’t realize it was a print comic now as well!

T. Van - Tolerated Vandalism

There are a lot of absolutely fantastic horror sites and blogs out there. I’m such a lazy blogger most of the time, I’m always amazed with Fatally Yours. If you are looking for insightful reviews of indie horror films, Fatally Yours is the site to visit. Check it out and you won’t be disappointed.

And your source for all things horror - Night of the Living Podcast. A group of friends from Ohio [that Southern state known for pig fucking], gather each Sunday to pontificate on bad movies, comic books, and all things horror. Shows have been running long lately [almost 2 hours in length] but each week brings a series of nonsensical ramblings from Freddy, Amy, Andy, Kelley, Matt, Chiseck, and Ryan.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I don’t think it qualifies as “obscure,” seeing as the man behind it is part of the Round Table, but it’s always fun to cruise over to Louis’ Damaged 2.0 for cool soundtrack downloads, entertaining movie reviews and the odd piece of inspired vitriol. Otherwise, I guess I’d have to go with Box Office Mojo, which isn’t obscure as much as it is an odd choice for horror content. The site lists box office earnings and I’m obsessed with tracking how well certain fright flicks are doing in comparison to other movies. For example, it was here that I first realized /Land of the Dead/ had bombed in North America, and then I later found out it was doing much better in foreign markets. I’m really not sure why I care so much, though.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

That would have to be THE GROOVY AGE OF HORROR. There are two reasons behind this. The first being that I am in a constant state of awe and amazement at how Curt can crank out article after article including reviews on a almost daily basis. It’s as if he is a machine set to blog.

The second being is that Curt always seems to find the grooviest and sleazy best that the horror genre has to offer.

Doug Nagy

For Horror news I usually go to three different sites. The first would be The Horror Blog, which is focused on horror delights alone. Film Junk is the second - It is a general film site but also covers quite a bit of horror related news. The third is Twitch which is chock full of foreign, indy and horror related goodness. Todd at twitch always hooks me up with crazy Asian films that are always kickass.

Warren - 150 Days of Sodom

My favorite non-blog site is Critical Condition. It’s got a wealth of information for video collectors and the back story is awesome. It started as a print bi-monthly newsletter in 1982! This guy Fred, he’s been into these movies for a long time and I’d say that’s pretty amazing. Think of all the past fans who have turned their backs on horror. They are probably pretty quick to say “It’s crap, I should know, I used to write a newsletter about it…”. Not Fred.

I suppose Fred saw a lot of the reviewed films in the theater, but on the site we’ve also got a wealth of information about video releases and no small share of scanned cover art. I bet a lot of these images exist on the web only on this site, or perhaps they occasionally pop up on ebay to later disappear into broken-google-images oblivion.

Fred hates shot-on-video and shot-on-vhs features, but he’s got a buddy who reviews those for the site in the FILMS ON THE FRINGE section, which is very amusing. If you only check out one thing on the Critical Condition site, check out the intro on the front page. It’s a great read.

Also this site features old-style web design, reminding me of my early html work with lots of scrolling down and blue-hyper linked text.

Also… Fred delivers the news on the deaths of b-movie stars and directors, really not news to the mainstream media or even on the radar for most horror sites. Did you know the director of Last House of Dead End Street died March 6th at age 58? RIP Roger Watkins.

Thanks to all the Roundtable participants for divulging their secrets. Fools! Bwahaha! Make sure you check out their recommendations.

And I just assumed it was a given that The Horror Blog would be exempt from this Roundtable. How embarassing.

Sweet Sugar because I am and always have been, in love with Phylis Davis. Kingdom of the Spiders because it is so damn much fun and I like the musical cues lifted from the original Spider Man cartoon. And Satanico Pendemonium because my friend wrote and codirected it and I can finally watch it now - decadent nuns, gotta love it!

Doug Nagy

I have chosen the Kung Fu route for my double bill. Shaolin VS Llama would be followed by Crippled Avengers for the ultimate experience. These two movies make me love Kung Fu more than myself.

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

My Ideal Triple-Bill:

DOLEMITE
ROLLING THUNDER
THEY CALL HER ONE EYE

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I’d book a triple bill of Shriek of the Mutilated, She Freak and From Beyond, for the sole reason that someone could see the titles on a marquee and mistake them for one really awesome movie called Shriek of the Mutilated She Freak From Beyond.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

TOMB IT MAY CONCERN presents….Sticky Floors, Crack Whores and ‘Sploitation Galore!

One ticket…Three Flicks…sit at your own risk!

Fight For Your Life
Trailer Show A (Willie Dynamite, Crippled Masters, Torso, They Call Her One Eye)
Master Of The Flying Guillotine
Trailer Show B (Slaughter Hotel, Friday The 13th Part 4, Maniac, Emmanuelle In Bangkok)
Suspiria

BUT WAIT…Suspiria breaks after the gonzo first reel! Phew…best part viewed thankfully!

Last second replacement, because we always top you off at the Tomb!

Extra Attraction… NIGHTMARE CITY!!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

It’s awesome that you are asking this question–there’s a new art-house theater opening here in Fort Collins and I am going to help them come up with a Grindhouse Double-Feature once a month, so I have been working on my list. I know that most of these wouldn’t be available, but I can dream, right?

1. TENEMENT / COMBAT SHOCK

2. THE STREET FIGHTER / DOLEMITE

3. ROCK N ROLL NIGHTMARE / BLACK ROSES

4. BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRAVIXENS / PERVERT!

5. CLASS OF 1984 / MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH

6. YOR: THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE / RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR

7. THE DEVIL’S SWORD / HUNDRA

8. ALYAS BATMAN & ROBIN / TURKISH SUPERMAN

9. SLIME CITY / STREET TRASH

10. PIECES / DRILLER KILLER

Kimberly - Cinebeats

My ideal grindhouse line-up would be a double bill featuring Deadly Weapons (1974) and Welcome Home Brother Charles (1975).

Deadly Weapons stars Chesty Morgan as a big busted woman killing mobsters with her giant boobs.

Welcome Home Brother Charles stars Marlo Monte as an angry man who’s killing bad guys with his giant penis.

Do movies get any more trashy then that? I don’t think so! A double feature with both flicks would make for one entertaining and raunchy night at the movies.

Casey Criswell - Cinema Fromage

My opener would have to be Shogun Assassin. Samurai flicks, blood & guts, can’t go wrong! Then I’d have to change it up a bit and follow it up with Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! Tura Satana kicking ass and taking names? Sign me up!

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

I would like to see a triple bill including FRIDAY FOSTER, CLEOPATRA JONES, followed by it’s CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

I would schedule a full week’s lineup of my favorite exploitation movies during the week with a five pack each night on the weekend;

TEKNOSAURUS - Computer nannites combine with the genetic template from dinosaur bones to create a stainless steel monster of rampagin’ terror!

PISTOL PACKIN’ MAMA - A rampage of revenge as a young prostitute rips the streets apart to rescue her baby girl from a gang of ruthless bank robbers. This girl with a gun is ripped straight from the headlines!

SWEET SWEET SUGARBUSH - When an independent madame and her girls are thrown out of town by a ruthless politician on the take, these girls strike back by bustin’ his rackets down to the ground!

GRAVEDIGGER & COFFIN - Two private dicks are cursed by the devil and drafted to be his undead enforcers from hell!

THE GORE GORE GORE-MET - Herschell Gordon Lewis’s lost splatsploitation classic!

Now all I have to do is go make these pictures!

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Oh, Steven–you have a knack for finding my horror-lover Achilles’ heel. As I’ve said in a previous Horror Roundtable, I really do avoid movies I believe are going to be bad; while I find the patronizing tone of anti-grindhouse essays like that of Slate’s Grady Hendrix annoying, it’s tough to disagree with his basic premise that grindhouse movies, on the whole, kinda stunk.

But wait! As I said in another previous Horror Roundtable, my buddies from work and I regularly liquor ourselves up and indulge in themed triple bills of macho genre delights in what we call the Manly Movie Mamajama. Here are the line-ups we’ve enjoyed so far…

ROADS AND/OR WARRIORS
Road House
The Warriors
The Road Warrior

DYSTOPIAN FUTURES AND/OR KURT RUSSELL
The Running Man
Escape from New York
Big Trouble in Little China

THE MASTERWORKS OF PAUL VERHOEVEN
RoboCop
Total Recall
Starship Troopers

GET WELL, FIDEL
Red Dawn
Invasion U.S.A.
Rambo: First Blood Part II

THE HORROR! THE HORROR!
The Monster Squad
Hellraiser
John Carpenter’s The Thing

FEMME FILM FIESTA
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Aliens
The Descent

While few of those films are of genuine grindhouse provenance, I think the entire enterprise is true to the spirit, if not the letter, of grindhouse law.

Now, if I had to put together a triple bill that approximated the sleaze factor of genuine grindhouse fare, I’d have to do it with very little knowledge of actual grindhouse movies per se. I think I’m two-thirds of the way there…

SEX AND VIOLENCE
Body Double
Cemetery Man

I’d throw Starship Troopers on there, but we’ve already seen it.

Anyone got any suggestions? Let me know!

I think I need to take a shower. Thanks once again to all the deviants who contributed to The Horror Roundtable this week. Make sure you visit their blogs for even more Triple X action. And if you want to contribute your own sleazy movie schedule, please do so in the comments below.

The original version of the photo that graces the top of this post can be found at Popcorn and Sticky Floors, one of my all-time favourite blogs.

I received tickets to an advanced screening of Grindhouse for Wednesday night, but I’m waiting to see it with J. so I was unable to attend. My friend Rony graciously took my place and agreed to provide The Horror Blog with the following review. In addition to being one of the original contributors to the old HorrorCast, Rony has also accompanied me on many cinematic excursions, including The Messengers, Blood + Chocolate, Night of the Living Dead 3-D, Ghost Rider and numerous other horror movies of dubious quality. Our “man-dates” and the shouting matches we had afterwards will be one of the few things I will miss when I leave Ottawa. Thanks, man!

Usually the hype for a movie can ruin it for you. You have high expectations but soon find yourself not as fulfilled as you’d originally hoped. Well let me tell you that no hype will ever bring Grindhouse down, unless you don’t like awesome. Do you like awesome? Do you?! I do, and that’s why I was blessed with a ticket to watch a sneak preview of Grindhouse.

Both movies were so friggin’ awesome that I would punch a baby to see it again! Although when watching the first half hour of “Death Proof” I was thinking ‘Son-of-a-bitch get on with the smashing already’. I would have wished the order was different because “Death Proof” was slow in the beginning and then kicked so much ass later, and “Planet Terror” was a non-stop zombie killing ride. If they were to start off slow and then kick things into high gear then you wouldn’t feel your ass getting numb.

Planet Torror was my favourite of the the two but I think it was because I’m a zombie lovin’ man. They were a bit different from your traditional zombies, like taking different twists on the sub-genre (eg. talking, running, etc.) from a bunch of movies and then smashing them into one movie with a fucking sledge hammer. This movie was hysterical and gross at the same time. If I had to describe how I was feeling during the movie it would go like this “Hahaha… Oh my God! BLAAAAAH(puking), hahaha, RUN DUMMY, RUN!! Hahaha. Fuck it’s over, I want more!!” One thing I really friggin’ hated that took me out of Planet Terror was Fergie. Why they chose her to be in this movie is beyond me. Even though she was only in the movie briefly, I hated every second of her on the screen. I don’t hate her music or anything, I just hate it when singers make the move into film and do a really shitty job. To be fair, they did do a nice long ass shot of her, but you can see that in any of her music videos. Also, Tarantino had a cameo in Planet Terror as “Rapist #1″ which is not entirely accurate. He should have been called “Attempted Rapist #1″. I cringed a bit during certain parts of Planet Terror and I hardly ever do that.

The trailers inbetween the movies were classic grindhouse and stuck really close to the old ones, which was awesome. All were good but I was hoping for a bit more from Rob Zombie’s trailer. Not too sure why, but it didn’t impress me as much as the others did.

Death Proof did chug in the beginning and I had to listen to all this boring stuff, which might not have been so boring if the first movie didn’t rock so much. Tarantino did his thing with the whole old school jive talkin’ dialogue like he always does. It’s so “Tarantino” that if you were to close your eyes it would seem like you were listening to Pulp Fiction. After the lengthy chit chat, in comes some full out, balls to the wall car driving. If you’re a gearhead, then you will blow your load at the awesomeness. Kurt Russell in this movie is one of the kings of cool and it reminded me why I love his movies. He’s not only badass, but he’s also downright friggin’ hilarious. Although I was hoping for the raspy voice like he did as Snake Plisskin, but oh well.

I was extremely glad I went because this double bill was totally worth skipping out on work and standing in line for an hour. Each movie had it’s lows and each had it’s super heroin eye injecting, face punching, groin grabbing, scream at the top of your lungs awesome highs. You will find yourself cheering throughout the length of the movie and if the person beside you talks you will want to rip out your chair and throw it directly into their mouth, instantly killing the A-hole. At the end, if you still have feeling in your legs, you should stand up and give a flying high five to the person beside you.

Regular readers may have noticed a sharp decline in the number of posts on The Horror Blog during the past few weeks. This week was supposed to be a return to form, but unfortunately the drought will be lasting a just a little bit longer.

This morning I was offered a fantastic postition at a studio over 7 hours away from where I’m currently living. I start the job in just two weeks, and my training will not only involve learning a new program, but also wrapping my head around an entirely new way of thinking about animation. Also, I won’t have my own place or my own personal computer for at least the first month. Taking these things into consideration, there is almost no way I can feasibly maintain the level of obsessive posting you’ve come to expect from The Horror Blog.

There is a bright side. First, I will occasionally pop in when I need a break from packing and training, and at the very least I’ll be sure to maintain The Horror Roundtable. Also, when the dust finally settles there will be a number of improvements to The Horror Blog courtesy of this move. My new job will be more stable, which will allow me to post on an even more regular basis. Also, the area I’m moving into contains possibly the highest concentration of movie bloggers on the planet, some of whom I will be working with at my new job. In addition, I will be even closer to many of the Horror Roundtable participants, including Doug Nagy, Billy, and other Golden Horseshoe residents. Finally, I’ll be very close to Toronto, which has a thriving horror community, so I’ll have ample opportunity to cover conventions, festivals and assorted screenings.

If you need your horror fix in the meantime, I highly recommend checking out the assorted blogs found within The Horror Roundtable.

Thanks for visiting. And remember, just keep watching the skies!

A very special happy birthday to Horror Roundtable contributor Billy. Look at the pretty horse!

If you’re aware of an event I can place here, or are planning one yourself, please send me an email at steven@thehorrorblog.com.

Notable Theatrical Releases

April 5th - The Reaping
April 6th - Grindhouse
April 13th - Disturbia
April 20th - Vacancy
April 20th - The Tripper (Limited)
April 27th - The Invisible

Notable DVD Releases

April 3rd

Black Christmas (Remake)
Godzilla Raids Again
Mothra vs. Godzilla
The Mario Bava Collection, Volume 1
Twin Peaks: The Second Season

Notable Comic Book Releases

April 4th

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Season Eight #2
Nightmare On Elm Street #7
Raise The Dead #1
Dark Tower Gunslinger Born #3
Ghost Rider Trail Of Tears #3
Marvel Zombies Army Of Darkness #2

Events

April 2nd (New York, NY) - Severence screening at the Pionner Theater. Presented by Fangoria.
April 6th (London, Ontario) - Vagrancy Films double bill, with Grindhouse followed by Cannibal Ferox.
April 13th - April 15th (Parsippany, NJ) - Chiller Theatre Expo. Guests include Michael Biehn, Margot Kidder, Yvette Vickers, Tom Savini, Barbara Crampton and many more.
April 14th (Ottawa, Ontario) - World Premiere of Kingdom of the Vampire at the Mayfair.
April 19th (Toronto, Ontario) - The Abandoned, at Bloor Street Cinema, courtesy of Rue Morgue’s Cinemacabre.
April 28th (Ottawa, Ontario) - Drunken Master Revue presents Ichi The Killer at the Mayfair. Details to follow.

May 4th - May 6th (Dearborn, MI) - The Haunted Attraction National Tradeshow and Convention. Looks like a blast even if you aren’t in the business.

If you read any horror sites other than this one, odds are good that you’ve already come across Eli Roth’s faux-trailer for Grindhouse. If you’re one of the handful of people who hasn’t, here you go. Be warned, it packs an awful lot of nastiness into it’s short running time.

One of the things I find most fascinating about the release of this trailer is it’s use as a marketing ploy. Instead of the usual selection of trailers which are only slightly different from one another, the movie itself has generated alternate advertising material to keep the film fresh and exciting in people’s minds. Of all their attempts to emulate the exploitation movie experience, I think this is Team Grindhouse’s most successful yet.