I received tickets to an advanced screening of Grindhouse for Wednesday night, but I’m waiting to see it with J. so I was unable to attend. My friend Rony graciously took my place and agreed to provide The Horror Blog with the following review. In addition to being one of the original contributors to the old HorrorCast, Rony has also accompanied me on many cinematic excursions, including The Messengers, Blood + Chocolate, Night of the Living Dead 3-D, Ghost Rider and numerous other horror movies of dubious quality. Our “man-dates” and the shouting matches we had afterwards will be one of the few things I will miss when I leave Ottawa. Thanks, man!

Usually the hype for a movie can ruin it for you. You have high expectations but soon find yourself not as fulfilled as you’d originally hoped. Well let me tell you that no hype will ever bring Grindhouse down, unless you don’t like awesome. Do you like awesome? Do you?! I do, and that’s why I was blessed with a ticket to watch a sneak preview of Grindhouse.

Both movies were so friggin’ awesome that I would punch a baby to see it again! Although when watching the first half hour of “Death Proof” I was thinking ‘Son-of-a-bitch get on with the smashing already’. I would have wished the order was different because “Death Proof” was slow in the beginning and then kicked so much ass later, and “Planet Terror” was a non-stop zombie killing ride. If they were to start off slow and then kick things into high gear then you wouldn’t feel your ass getting numb.

Planet Torror was my favourite of the the two but I think it was because I’m a zombie lovin’ man. They were a bit different from your traditional zombies, like taking different twists on the sub-genre (eg. talking, running, etc.) from a bunch of movies and then smashing them into one movie with a fucking sledge hammer. This movie was hysterical and gross at the same time. If I had to describe how I was feeling during the movie it would go like this “Hahaha… Oh my God! BLAAAAAH(puking), hahaha, RUN DUMMY, RUN!! Hahaha. Fuck it’s over, I want more!!” One thing I really friggin’ hated that took me out of Planet Terror was Fergie. Why they chose her to be in this movie is beyond me. Even though she was only in the movie briefly, I hated every second of her on the screen. I don’t hate her music or anything, I just hate it when singers make the move into film and do a really shitty job. To be fair, they did do a nice long ass shot of her, but you can see that in any of her music videos. Also, Tarantino had a cameo in Planet Terror as “Rapist #1″ which is not entirely accurate. He should have been called “Attempted Rapist #1″. I cringed a bit during certain parts of Planet Terror and I hardly ever do that.

The trailers inbetween the movies were classic grindhouse and stuck really close to the old ones, which was awesome. All were good but I was hoping for a bit more from Rob Zombie’s trailer. Not too sure why, but it didn’t impress me as much as the others did.

Death Proof did chug in the beginning and I had to listen to all this boring stuff, which might not have been so boring if the first movie didn’t rock so much. Tarantino did his thing with the whole old school jive talkin’ dialogue like he always does. It’s so “Tarantino” that if you were to close your eyes it would seem like you were listening to Pulp Fiction. After the lengthy chit chat, in comes some full out, balls to the wall car driving. If you’re a gearhead, then you will blow your load at the awesomeness. Kurt Russell in this movie is one of the kings of cool and it reminded me why I love his movies. He’s not only badass, but he’s also downright friggin’ hilarious. Although I was hoping for the raspy voice like he did as Snake Plisskin, but oh well.

I was extremely glad I went because this double bill was totally worth skipping out on work and standing in line for an hour. Each movie had it’s lows and each had it’s super heroin eye injecting, face punching, groin grabbing, scream at the top of your lungs awesome highs. You will find yourself cheering throughout the length of the movie and if the person beside you talks you will want to rip out your chair and throw it directly into their mouth, instantly killing the A-hole. At the end, if you still have feeling in your legs, you should stand up and give a flying high five to the person beside you.

This entry was posted on Friday, April 6th, 2007 at 2:33 am and is filed under Grindhouse, Reviews, Guest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.