The article linked below is probably NOT SAFE FOR WORK, as it contains a nude photo. In addition, the short story Adaptation by Tabico as discussed in the article begins with the statement “Author Note: Warning! Extreme squick! Bugs! Blood! Cruelty! Yucky & mean stuff!” and considering that this was written for people actually seeking out erotica, you should probably heed its warning.

Noah Berlatsky has been sending me links to his studies for awhile now, but his most recent project is easily his best yet. Gay Utopia is a finite forum dedicated to examining the notion of a society predicated on fluid sexuality. While not every article was to my liking, Noah’s take on what he calls “Fecund Horror” really struck a chord, and it’s obvious that it is something that he’s had brewing for quite some time. As I’ve mentioned previously, this kind of horror is one of my favourite takes on the genre, and Noah delivers. The essay tackles John Carpenter’s version of The Thing, Cronenberg’s Shivers (a favourite here at The Horror Blog) and a short story of erotic mind control by Tabico, with stops along the way for Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Alien, Frankenstein and many more. It’s a wild ride, and while I’m not sure I agree with everything Noah presents, it’s certainly a great place to start.

“For Firestone, the end result of this belief is positive — transforming pregnancy and repealing taboo results in a fluid and sunlit Eden. For the horror genre, on the other hand, transforming pregnancy and repealing taboo results in a slimy and tenebrous abyss. But the underlying economy of both is the same. Pregnancy is a central truth of our selves. It is the basis for the regulation of sexuality, of boundaries, of affection, and of love. If it is altered, identity collapses, and with it the world as we know it. The new birth is the apocalypse.”

As I said, it’s obvious Noah has been working this out for a long time now, to the point that he even provides a list of source material if you feel like pursuing this fascinating sub-genre further. I know I will.

And really, how can you resist an essay with the line “The men in the 1982 The Thing aren’t gay enough to live”?

Name your favourite giant monster movie.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Well, I’m fond of the GODZILLA series and still have a great fondness for the original B&W version (the Japanese one, not the Raymond Burr recut).

Jeff

The Giant Gila Monster tied with War of the Gargantuas.

B-Sol - Vault of Horror

For me, there’s only one true King of the Monsters, and that’s Godzilla. I’m sorry to say that I had never seen the original Japanese cut of Gojira until it finally got a limited American release four years ago. But if the only version you’ve seen is the one with Raymond Burr, you’re doing yourself a disservice. The original 1954 Gojira is a stark, nightmarish vision of terror bred from Japan’s real-life terror of the atom bomb. As much as I love the later Godzilla entries for their kitsch value, the first movie is in a totally different category, a high-quality film that stands the test of time.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

GOJIRA.

Not GODZILLA, but the original Japanese monster movie with the wonderful subplots that were left out of the “Americanized” version. All in glorious, sometimes overexposed black & white.

If you sign up, you can see it on Joost for free. [Not a plug, but just a referral]

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Between Shelob, the mûmakil, the fell beasts, and the trolls, I’m going with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Nathan - MicroHorror

My favorite giant monster movie? That’s hardly even a question. One of the old Toho classics, of course– I’ll just say 1954’s “Gojira” and be done with it.

That said, I’ll take the opportunity to suggest an underrated success from recent years: 2002’s “Eight-Legged Freaks.” It’s not a great movie by any means, but man, is it fun. Somebody clearly said “You know, it’s been way too long since anybody made a giant spider movie,” and then proceeded to do just that. It’s a terrific throwback to the golden era of monster movies, updated just enough to keep things interesting. The script even manages to be clever in its awareness and exploitation of different species of spiders and their various behaviors and hunting methods. The set piece with a gang of jumping spiders chasing down kids on dirt bikes is a hoot. Highly recommended.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

I’m gonna have to go with the 50 Ft Woman in ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN, if purely for sexual curiosity. She’s 50-feet tall, so her vagina has got to be, what, at least three feet tall and about, spread out, three feet wide, right? And I’m sure that it will take a midget, darting his body in an out rapidly, to give her any sort of pleasure. Let’s not even get into her clitoris, which has got to at least be the size of a softball. And what about if she decides to shave it all clean, porno-style? Surely she could donate the hair to a charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer.

Hmm…why doesn’t someone make this movie?

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

My initial response was Gojira, the original Japanese version of Godzilla King of the Monsters. However, after a little more consideration, I have to go with 1954’s Them! Them! rates at least a few notches higher than your standard giant bug flick for its intelligent dialog and above par acting. It’s also the original radiation-mutated monster movie. Today, many aspects of the film seem cliche, but that’s only because Them! has been emulated so often.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Although I really really liked Cloverfield, the only correct answer to this question is the original King Kong. It’s 75 years old this year and it still retains every bit of power it must’ve had when it first came out. That that tiny little model was able to get across, and still does, so much emotion, so much pathos, still astonishes me. And you can’t go wrong with dinosaur-fights, like, ever.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have the sudden urge to say Cloverfield because frankly, the movie kicks some serious ass and it should be viewed in a theater more then once. I’ll also add that anyone who doesn’t like Cloverfield should have their giant monster movie watching privileges revoked permanently. Now that I’ve got my “Ain’t it Kewl” headline out of the way, I’ll mention the original Godzilla film since it will probably always reign supreme as the ultimate giant monster movie in my mind, but The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms and It Came from Beneath the Sea both come damn close to beating it. Cloverfield will probably also be a favorite someday, but I need a few more years to enjoy it before I allow it to enter my pantheon of favorite films.

Well, I’m glad somebody mentioned King Kong. Huge thanks to all the contributors to this week’s edition of the Horror Roundtable, and if you get a chance please name your favourite kaiju in the comments below.

Some of you may remember me mentioning my girlfriend and silent partner J. a few times in the past. She’s been by my side through just about every movie I’ve discussed on this blog, and those screenings she missed can be attributed to her remarkable taste, something her boyfriend obviously lacks. J. is so hardcore that she watches horror movies I wouldn’t dare, and at one point she threatened to leave me for someone who believed Dawn of the Dead was Romero’s best.

Happy Birthday, baby! Are we still on for Rambo this weekend?

“Well these women are his fantasy women. I mean, the beautiful, blonde goddess who’s really warm underneath. I don’t know how the hell we ever got in movies-in his movies.”

I’d be hard pressed to choose my favourite Hitchcock film. My choice would vary from day to day, but I can guarantee that The Birds would be one of the contenders for the title. And one of the principal reasons for my affection for The Birds is the presence of Suzanne Pleshette, who played schoolteacher Annie Hayworth in the film.

Gentlemen prefer blondes. I prefer brunettes.

Rest in peace, Mrs. Pleshette.

Describe a great horror movie-going experience you have had.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

To be honest, I’ve had such bad luck with crowds, that it’s kind of hard to think of one. There was one experience though, this past November at Horror Hound weekend, when I got to see an uncut version of “Hatchet” before it was released on DVD with an extremely rowdy crowd. The cool thing was, everyone was so amped up to see the film that it created an electric atmosphere. At the end of the day, I’m not even sure how good it is. I do know though that if you’re gong to see it, in a room full of amped up horror fans is definitely the place. Oh, and the fact that Tony Todd and Kane Hodder introduced the film certainly didn’t hurt. So ya, that would have to be it for me.

Jeff

The first time I went to an R rated movie… it was Alien and my Dad took me. Thought I was king of the world, that was the coolest thing ever.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

I remember when I was 17 and saw DAWN OF THE DEAD for the first time. Growing up in rural SC, we didn’t have theaters that played “midnight movies”, and so I and my fellow horror fans were forced to get in the car and drive across the state line to Augusta, GA (home of the Masters golf tournament). This was also a good thing because we could drink in GA, but weren’t of age in SC.

We piled into the car - there were six of us total - and we went to the theater where we had also seen NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, FANTASTIC ANIMATION FESTIVAL, MIDWAY (in Sensurround! Great when you’ve had a few), GLEN OR GLENDA, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE. We were all stoked to see a Romero zombie movie in color and thrilled to the idea we were going to an “unrated movie” and wouldn’t be home until about 4 in the morning.

The movie started and the crowd went wild. Then the zombie husband took the bite out of the wife’s neck and the screen was splattered with blood. Then the SWAT team blew open some heads. Nobody, and I mean nobody had ever seen anything like this. I can remember the palpable zeitgeist of the crowd, “Are we going to get in trouble for this? Oh Jeebus. This is… intense.”

Dead. Freaking. Silence.

Just like the moment right after somebody farts in class. That long interminable void that waits for the first sound to issue forth. then…

A voice from midway through the crowd piped up:

“What’s the matter? He’s eaten you before!”

The place exploded with laughter and shrieks, and we went back to drinking and yelling at the screen.

Stacie - Final Girl

When the movie is right, a rowdy crowd can be awesome. When I saw Scream the first time, it was in an…err, urban theatre and the crowd was insane. Yelling and screaming at the screen- in a good way. You know, “Don’t go in there!” and all that. Everyone was shrieking at all the right times, and it was probably the most fun I’ve had at a movie.

A close second would be a recent Friday the 13th Part 3 anniversary showing I…in 3D! Fantastic audience, screaming and laughing…and wearing those dumb glasses. What’s better than that?

Nathan - MicroHorror

Take my advice on this: There aren’t a whole lot of things more fun than going to an indy horror movie premiere at a real theater, even if you weren’t involved in the production. A few that I’ve attended here in Baltimore are “Deadlands: The Rising” (which I worked on) and “Livelihood” and “Holler Creek Canyon” (which I didn’t). Even if the movie isn’t so great, you’re surrounded by people who really care, and the atmosphere is just electric. Grab the opportunity if it ever comes your way.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

My brother and I frequently indulge in major viewing experiences. We watched the entirety of NEON GENESIS EVANELION together. He rode up with me to watch VAMPIRE HUNTER D: BLOODLUST in Atlanta. Most recently, after watching GRINDHOUSE, we staged our own private grindhouse. He brought VANISHING POINT, and I brought ZOMBIE, and we both watched STRAW DOGS, and all three flicks were featured in the book TRASH which DaveZ gave me the last time we met face-to face.

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

I tend to wait for horror movies to hit DVD (since New York theater crowds can get a little “rambunctious”) but the best movie-going experience I had was probably the release of 2004’s “Dawn of the Dead,” since its opening day coincided with an anniversary of the relationship I was in at the time. It says a lot about the girl you’re dating if she’ll agree to skip work and go see dead people eating alive people. Because of this sweet memory, my heart grows two sizes too big every time I see zombie Andy getting his head blown off.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Watching a 35mm print of Monster Squad at the Bloor theatre a couple years ago with a packed house full of cheering fans, many of them seeing the film for the first time in years. It was great shared viewing experience, especially during the — you guessed it — “Wolfman’s got nards?” scene.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I’ve had a lot of them, but one experience that’s been on my mind lately was seeing Jacques Tourneur’s fantastic Night of the Demon at a local revival theater on Halloween night in the late ’90s with friends. It was an amazing film to see on the big screen and I had a blast watching it.

Matt - Highway 62

ALIEN hits the theatres. My craftier friends, or those with older brothers have seen it or have had enough of it related to them second-hand that they can sound authoritative. It does indeed sound like the best thing ever. “THE THING RIPPED RIGHT OUT OF HIS CHEST!” I was in shock. This was inconceivable, unthinkable. An outer space movie that Scared The Hell Out Of You.

Around that time, you could find ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY in bookstores. Same with the Marvel/Epic Comics adaptation of the film (which comes recommended). I saw the pictures for myself. Sure enough. The thing ripped right out of his chest. And what a thing it was. I’d never seen anything like it. Nobody had. Geiger was a nobody in the US.

And then finally, due to the miracle of cable, I was able to watch the movie in the safety of my own home. A family friend stayed over to watch my sister and myself (yes, we were that young). We made pizza. I can still smell the combination of mozzarella and cheddar and red onion in my mouth as it swung open agape for the entirety of the film. I didn’t scream. ‘Cause if I had, the things under the couch would have heard me and known that I was easy prey. That pinging sound still haunts the edges of my consciousness sometimes. Glisten of alien mucus and the guttering light of homemade flamethrowers illuminating something that we were never meant to see.

My parents came home and found us all huddled on the fold-out couch. Nobody could sleep that night.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Well, this one was fun for me, but not for the poor girl it happened to.

When POLTERGEIST was released, a friend and I went to the Friday night showing. It was packed… we had to sit a few aisles from the very front. In the row in front of us were a gaggle of chatty girls all sitting together. They screamed, hid their eyes and seemed horrified at all the right moments. Towards the end, during the “clown doll attacks the kid” sequence after he looks under the bed, one of the girls in front of us screamed SO loud and seemed to jump about 10 feet out of her seat. Of course, my friend and I laughed at her… and then it hit us. The foul stench of urine. The girl had been scared SO badly at the clown doll shocker that she peed her pants. She peed a lot, too. The aisle, the seat, the air… all permeated with the foul smell of urine. She was so embarrassed that she went running up the aisle to the exit and, soon, her friends followed, leaving my friend and I suffering to the end (with others in the seats/aisles nearby, too) to watch the remainder of the film with the urine smell in the air.

I guess that’s a testament to the scares, though… POLTERGEIST made someone actually pee their pants!

Another week, another Roundtable devoted to oral sex and urination. Thanks once again to all the contributors for their fine observations, and if you’d like to share your own memorable theatrical excursions, please do so below.

Name the horror movie character who you would most want to emulate.

Bonus - Name the horror movie character you actually resemble.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I’d want to be Jake Weber’s character, Michael, in the Dawn of the Dead remake. He had it together, man.

I feel more like Jason Miller’s character, Father Damien Karras, from The Exorcist most of the time, though.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I can’t think of any horror character who’s a better role model than Dr. Hannibal Lecter. He’s brilliantly intelligent, highly educated, urbane, charismatic and witty. He’s a polymath, a polyglot, an accomplished musician and a gourmet chef. I think we all wish we could be that talented. If I had all of that going for me, I wouldn’t kill and eat nearly as many people as Lecter has.

Unfortunately, in both appearance and mannerisms, I much more closely resemble Sasquatch.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Naschy’s werewolf, Waldemar Daninsky!

JA - My New Plaid Pants

I want to be Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) from Blue Velvet when I grow up!

Matt - Highway 62

Bernard Quatermass. He’s the perfect Lovecraftian hero. Erudite, brilliant, sardonic, grounded, but not dismissive of the uncanny when the facts present themselves. He straddles the lines between authority and individual action quite nicely as well.

Physically, I’ve been told I was a good match for Roddy McDowall, who you might remember as Dr. Fischer in LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE, among literally countless thousands of others. Temperamentally, I’m probably most like Harry Cooper from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, whose whole “get in the basement and stay there” shtick is about how I operate on a daily basis.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

I would like to be near omnipotent like Pinhead. I’m already bald so I’m going with my strengths here….

I more closely resemble Leatherface - at least in girth…and height.

Jeff

Probably fearless vampire killer Professor Van Helsing is who I would be. I’m probably more like Aliens Cpl Hicks…

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

You know which character I really liked, in a ‘I wish I were more like him’ manner? Jake Weber’s Michael from the “Dawn of the Dead” remake. Out of all the characters, he was really the stand-out in terms of actually having moral character in times of crisis. He was smart, and brave, and refused to let those guys in the truck die, even if it meant running back outside amidst the speedy dead. Also, he was thoughtful enough to build a chainsaw holes in the getaway vans. If I were actually in a catastrophic situation like that one, I’d like to imagine that I would be strong enough to help others rather than just try to save my own skin. On the other hand, zombies terrify me, so I’d most likely just crumble into a clump of whimpering zombie chow.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

The Thing… no, wait, that’s the horror movie character that would most want to emulate me. In that case, I’d most want to be R.J. MacReady from The Thing, because he just wants to go back to his shack and get drunk.

And the horror movie character that I most resemble is The Thing… no, wait, once again, that’s the horror movie character that most resembles “me” now!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Sweet, pornographic God, I’d have to say Ron Jeremy on both counts. Ron Jeremy, when not starring in hardcore cinema, is in a lot of low-budget horror flicks, such as ANDRE THE BUTCHER and of course, those wacky Troma masterpieces. We’re both very chubby and extremely hairy and have a similar face with similar facial hair. Sadly, my cock is way smaller. :(

I do a lot of emceeing, public appearances, events hosting, etc. and have to endure people, especialy drunk chicks asking if I am him. It’s inspired an idea for a screenplay, called THE SON OF RON, about a guy who finds out that Ron Jeremy is his father, and he goes on a quest to find him. It’s a comedy.

Forget I asked! Thanks once again to all this week’s Roundtable contributors, and their counterparts, for their thoughtful responses. Make sure you check out their respective sites for more horror goodness, and if you get a chance give us your answer to the question above in the comments below.

Name your most anticipated horror event of the new year.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

For me it’s got to be “Cloverfield.” Granted it’s at the very beginning of the year, so I’m sure there will be a lot more interesting stuff after that, but I just can’t wait to see if this thing can possibly live up to the hype. I’m inclined to say “No,” but I’m a huge Blair Witch Project fan so I’m hoping for some similar action. Seeing the reaction of mainstream movie goers should be worth the price of admission alone. Hope they bring their barf bags!

Nathan - MicroHorror

I admit, the horror event I’m most looking forward to is the release of “The Twisted Twins”. Kudos to D.W. Green for helming the project. I’d be enthusiastic about this even if I hadn’t contributed several stories.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Well, I’ve been surprised to find myself excited for Cloverfield, but the reason I’m psyched is because I’m ignoring the viral marketing and the “from Mission Impossible 3’s J.J. Abrams” hoopla and focusing on the fact that it’s Godzilla meets Blair Witch meets 9/11, which sounds like a potent mix to me. I’m also curious to see what George Romero does with his own Blair Witch riff in Diary of the Dead. Meanwhile, provided it’s less Dog Soldiers and more The Descent, Neil Marshall’s stab at the post-apocalypse with Doomsday should be worth watching, while the Clive Barker adpatation Midnight Meat Train has the potential to be fantastic or depressingly bad–though I guess it could fall somewhere in between like The Mist did. Finally, just in terms of the future of onscreen violence, I’m looking forward to seeing what Stallone does in Rambo.

Bill Cunningham - Pulp 2.0

Bruce Campbell’s new movie - THEY CALL ME BRUCE.

Truly - “The Chin is the win.”

Matt - Highway 62

As for my answer, that’s an easy one. DIARY OF THE DEAD. I’m a sucker for zombie movies, but only particular zombie movies. George Romero’s top that list quite easily. Now, I must admit a bit of trepidation because DIARY seems to be treading some of the same material (chronologically speaking anyways) that NIGHT, et al did, which isn’t something that he’s done before. He’s always pushed it forward, expanding his portrayal of the world slipping into the undead hands of its new masters. DIARY seems to be heading in a more personal direction, though, going from wide-scale destruction to a more intimate view of Things Falling Apart. Can’t wait for that.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Undoubtedly the apocalypse. I filled my condo with delicious goodies from Costco, there are plenty of good spots on the balcony from which to snipe zombies and as long as the gas generator holds up, I can finally catch up on my movie watching. The End Times are gonna rawk.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have to say that I’ve been mighty impressed with the clips of CLOVERFIELD that I’ve seen so I’m probably mostly looking forward to that movie. I also like that fact that it’s an original film and not another remake. Plus it seems to have giant monsters and I love giant monsters! I’m also curious about Romero’s new film DIARY OF THE DEAD. It looks like 2008 might be the comeback of the “shaky hand-held camera” made popular by THE BLAIR WITH PROJECT. Last but not least, I’m really looking forward to VINYAN directed by Fabrice Du Welz, but I don’t know much about it.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

There is nothing that really thrills me at the moment. But the idea of Del Toro taking on FRANKENSTEIN seems to be the most interesting.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Right this second it’d be Cloverfield. After that it gets much more crowded. Still waiting for Greg McLean’s Rogue. And All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. And Trick’r'Treat. Everything I want to see has been delayed forever, it seems. Then there’s Diary of the Dead, of course. And Midnight Meat Train. And The Ruins. Richard Kelly’s The Box. The Funny Games remake. The Happening. X-Files 2. Wow I’m an asshole; I could keep going, and I could keep refusing to make one choice. I want them all!

It looks like 2008 is going to be all downhill as of the 18th for many of this week’s Roundtable contributors. Thanks once again to all the wide-eyed optimists who wrote in this week, and please let us know what you’re most anticipating in the comments below.