Name your favourite guilty pleasure in horror.
Lesbian scenes. Gratuitous lesbian scenes. There, I said it and I’m not sorry…
I think guilty pleasures are fantastic. I’m not afraid to admit that I like Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. It’s probably one of the most hated sequels in horror history but I love it anyway. I like everything about it, the music, the tone of the movie, the acting. I may be a glutton for punishment. I also have to admit that I love Deep Rising, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, and Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers [even though I don’t consider it to be a guilty pleasure, it seems like everyone hates the Halloween sequels]. I think that horror fans are accustomed to sitting through a hell of a lot of crap. It’s inevitable that some of these crappy movies will hold a special place in our hearts.
I hate to be a predictable douchebag, but when it comes to art, if it gives me pleasure, why feel guilty about it?
I suppose my Guilty Pleasure of Choice is the Lesbian Vampire Seduction. Of course, DTV and DIY filmmakers have ruined this for everybody by going whole hog and having saline-implanted, tattooed skags French kissing through their clip-on fangs… the taboo has been so successfully shattered that we’ll never find all the pieces again. Still, we have the classics… Gloria Holden’s mesmerizing of Nan Grey in DRACULA’S DAUGHTER, freshly undead Andree Melly coming on to bosom buddy Yvonne Monlaur (“Put your arms around me, please, I want to kiss you, Marianne. Please be kind to me.”) in THE BRIDES OF DRACULA, wanton bloodsucker Barbara Shelley putting the Sapphic movies on doe-eyed Suzan Farmer (“We don’t need Charles”) in DRACULA, PRINCE OF DARKNESS and that great/horrible top/bottom relationship in THE VAMPIRE LOVERS where steely governess Kate O’Mara is at first suspicious and disapproving of Ingrid Pitt’s Mircalla until the vampire’s kiss makes her a complete and pleading slave; O’Mara comes off initially as such a strong character that her utter surrender is as shocking as it is truly erotic. In LEMORA: A CHILD’S TALE OF THE SUPERNATURAL, the dynamic gets even weirder with Lesly Gilb and Cheryl Smith having this really tangled mentor/mentee, mother/daughter, top/bottom relationship that culminates in Lila Lee assuming the mantle of vampire queen. THE BLOOD SPATTERED BRIDE, DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS and THE VELVET VAMPIRE go this route as well, making full meals of what was previously a mere narrative appetizer. Later stuff like THE HUNGER just doesn’t carry the same charge even though the nudity is more abundant and considerably more than the gloves are off. It’s the pent up, repressed stuff of more innocent times that really gives me a thrill.
Easy… It’s a tie between “Pumpkinhead II: Bloodwings”, and “Saturday the 14th”. *hangs head in shame*
While I’m not one for feeling guilty about something I enjoy, there is one movie that I tend to watch in private and avoid bringing up in conversation: “Return of the Living Dead Part II.” I know it’s stupid. I know it’s terrible. I know it pisses on the sacred legacy of the first movie. But I will watch anything with James Karen in it and dammit I will enjoy it. Guilt be damned!
Also, the zombie Michael Jackson gag absolutely KILLED me when I was a kid.
My guilty pleasure is tiny horror. Anything with a small creature that will mess you up for some reason just amuses me to no end. Critters, Ghoulies and Puppet Master are some examples.
Sci-Fi Channel Originals. Well, at first it started off as a guilty pleasure–“Haha, boy…MANSQUITO was lame, huh guys? Can I be part of the gang now???”, but the more I have watched these things, the more I have absolutely fallen in love with them. I can’t really say they are a “guilty pleasure” anymore, as I tout them on my blog non-stop, but at first, you bet they were.
My guilty pleasure is a bit tame, really. It would have to be my fondness for haunted house flicks. The film could be a bucket of slop, but as long as it has a haunted house in it, I’m there.
Some might call it a guilty pleasure, but I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it, so it is with unreserved enthusiasm that I recommend The Creeps (1997), an unabashedly stupid and fun horror-comedy by Charles Band and Full Moon Pictures.
Here’s the premise: A mad scientist has built a machine that will resurrect the great fictional archetypes of horror, namely Count Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, the wolfman and the mummy, and bring them into the real world to serve his plans for global domination. But when he activates the device, something goes wrong, and although the monsters are summoned as planned, they’re only about three-and-a-half feet tall.
Phil Fondacaro chews up the scenery and steals the whole show as Count Dracula, because he plays the role utterly straight. Operating from the very reasonable assumption that there aren’t many opportunities to play Dracula for a three-foot-six actor, Fondacaro becomes one of my all-time favorite screen Dracs. He’s just downright menacing, and you find yourself almost relieved that he’s not taller.
So, yeah, The Creeps is dumb. It’s got a silly premise, and it’s really nothing more than an excuse to dress up little people in monster suits. But damn it, it’s hilarious, and Fondacaro is great. You even get to watch a hot blonde librarian have sex with a book. Go watch it and enjoy it. I absolve you of all guilt.
Monster movies. Mindless rampages of giant rubber-suited stunt players or CGI-envisioned levelling of major metropolitan areas, whether they be in the US or abroad. Nobody learns anything, nobody grows, and no Hidden Truths are revealed. Just the splintering of balsa-wood and cheap pyrotechnics. Gimme more.
Lately, I’ve had a weakness for watching every single zombie movie that comes out, no matter how awful. I always loved them, and ever since the “zombie renaissance” started, I’ve been overdosing. I can’t help it. Even the latest remake of Day of the Dead, which I had heard was so terrible. I couldn’t resist–I had to watch it anyway. (It was slightly less than awful).
Gore. Lots and lots of nasty gore. I can be a real gore hound sometimes and I’ll rewatch brutal murder scenes over and over again if I like they way they’re executed. Some of my favorite moments from horror films are often murder scenes such as the first kill in Suspiria.
I have an unkillable passion for the alleged horror movie THE ATTIC starring Carrie Snodgress and Ray Milland. It’s really a depressing melodrama about an alcoholic spinster librarian who is trapped into caring for her abusive invalid father. There are maudlin soft rock songs throughout, including a real non-barnburner entitled “Who cares?” Louise, Snodgress’ character, also happens to have a strange fascination with monkeys. Being that I have a near Jerri Blank fascination with monkeys myself, the film is a constant source of entertainment. One day Louise’s pal spontaneously buys her a monkey at the local pet shop (!) much to her disapproving Pop’s chagrin. Louise then spends her days imagining the monkey is an ape that beats the crap out of her dad (picture Paul from THE ELECTRIC COMPANY in a rage.) It’s all very difficult to classify though it kinda reminds me of HAROLD AND MAUDE meets WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? A high point of my life (sad) was watching a film called THE KILLING KIND where both characters, Louise AND her father made a cameo (played by different actors). It turns out both films have the same writers. Anyhows, it’s all very uncool and it is the exact opposite of the kind of film they make T-shirts and action figures from.
Ironic viewing pleasures aside, first thing that comes to mind is the first Resident Evil movie. I know it’s pretty crappy but I still like watching it, and I’m not all that sure why. I suspect the combination of decently gross and scary zombies and more than decently hot Milla has something to do with it.
I’ve lost a great deal of respect for some of you, while others are now higher in my estimation. And I’m not saying who is who. Thanks to all this week’s participants for spilling their guts (it’s a figure of speech, Kimberly, please don’t get overexcited), and if you have an unnatural craving you’d like to confess, please do so in the comments below.