Happy 6th Annual International Read A Comic Book Naked Day!

I’m betting at least a few of you forgot what day it is. You were going to go home tonight and get hassled by your significant other for being a total dirtbag and forgetting to bring some comics home. That’s why we’re here, friend. To help you in your time of need. So stop off at your local comic emporium, snag a few for you and your loved ones, and indulge in the decadent mingling of two of Mankind’s greatest sins. And, as usual, if you’re living in the tundra like me and aren’t able to get outside for your four-colour fix, we’ve got you covered after the jump.

One of the classes I looked forward to the most when I went to college was storyboarding. Unfortunately, they cut the class the year I began. It was a real let-down. Every once in awhile we’d get a storyboarding assignment, but usually it was for a sequence too short to really sink your teeth into. Surprisingly, the only exception was Drama class, which was considered by most to be a low-priority.

The following is for an assignment where we had to storyboard a sequence involving a damsel in distress being held captive by a villain. No, really. Anyway, I whipped this up in the class before I had to hand it in, without reference, which is why Godzilla looks worse than GINO. And I don’t even want to talk about Mothra, though I kind of like Anguirus and a few shots of Megalon. Also, I stripped the Notes, Camera Movements and Dialogue, mostly because they consisted of “Truck-in to Monster Island” and “Curoo Curoo”.

Get naked, enjoy, and make sure you check out concurrent IRACBND celebrations at Flat Earth and I Was Ben!

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Horror-Movies.ca takes a look at the estimated box office for this year’s AfterDark Horrorfest and asks why it didn’t get the support from the community it deserved. I can think of a few good reasons, and none of them have to do with a lack of interest.

One solution should be obvious to Horror-Movies.ca, considering their base of operations. I didn’t attend the AfterDark Horrorfest because it didn’t play in Canada. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, it wasn’t until just recently that Canada even had a regular horror convention. I’m used to getting the short end of the stick. But in this case I was even considering crossing the border to catch the Fest. A few weeks before AfterDark was set to begin I checked their site to find the closest possible theatre in New York state and up until that point they didn’t have one listing. Not one theatre in the sixth most densely populated state in the U.S. Looking at the listings now, they added a handful of theatres in New York state, including a few that I could have reached, but the cities were added a little over a week before the event which left me no time (or interest) to make preparations for the trip. I’m sure others were in the same boat, and in a way I’m glad that I couldn’t make it because according to some reports this lack of preparation on After Dark’s part resulted in numerous theatres not showing their full engagement by cancelling some of the weekend screenings, leaving numerous pass holders holding the bag.

Happily, it looks as if AfterDark has realized their shortcomings and are prepared to take action. On the AfterDark message board, in response to various complaints, an employee of the company in charge posted the following message.

We are listening carefully and taking notes so that next year will be better. I can’t give you any details at the moment. It’s a bit soon for that. I’ll just promise that things will be different next year, different in a good way.

There’s nothing quite like watching a horror movie on the big screen, but unfortunately the gap between theatrical sreenings and direct-to-DVD seems to get wider with each passing year. I would love to see AfterDark work out, and I’m sure many genre fans feel the same. Here’s hoping they iron out the kinks. Until then, I hardly think the fans are to blame.

It’s always struck me that the one thing unions never attempt is a little ol’ time religion. Over 65 horror writers staged an exorcism yesterday at the Warner Bros. studio lot as part of the WGA strike, many of them wearing t-shirts that proclaimed “Horror Writers on Strike — We Eat Scabs”. The attendees included such luminaries as comic writer Steve Niles, Masters of Horror creator Mick Garris and was organized by 70s remake specialist Scott Kosar. There are many more pictures and comments at the link, including the startling fact that in the first 10 months of 2007 horror DVDs accounted for over 450 million dollars gross. I wonder if that’s worldwide or domestic.

I’m off to Trash Palace in Toronto this Friday for a screening of the Bud Spencer poliziotteschi Flat Foot, which reminds me that I never did get around to talking about this wonderful cinematic experience.

In order to gain access to Trash Palace, you first have to buy a ticket at the Suspect Video store on Queen St. The ticket describes how to get to the secret location where the screening will take place. Dependent on how late you get there, the proprietors may throw the keys down to you so you can let yourself in. After climbing a set of stairs, you enter a darkened studio filled with screen printing equipment, Mexican movie memorabilia, folding chairs, gym mats and a makeshift screen against one wall. A small alcove to the side of the room contains the snack bar, where you can purchase popcorn in beautiful screen printed bags, assorted pop and candy and, most importantly, beer. This is truly the classiest movie theatre in all of Toronto.

What really sets Trash Palace apart from the vast majority of cinematic experiences I’ve had is the unbridled enthusiam of the hosts, Stacey Case and Matt Mullen. Before each screening they take a few moments to describe what you’re about to witness and why it’s worth watching, often interrupting one another in a manic effort to get the crowd riled up. Both before and after the film they present assorted educational shorts and trailers, letting things slide well past midnight like a party no one wants to be the first to leave for fear that they’ll miss something cool. I have never seen a movie presented with as much passion as the screening of Deathsport J. and I attended a few months back, with the duo going so far as to sincerely thank everyone for attending and making their dream of running a movie night come true. Their love for these films, and their glee in presenting them, is so overwhelming that during the credits for Deathsport Stacey came up to my seat and began discussing the merits of the score based solely upon catching me nod my head to the music.

If these guys weren’t able to share these treasures with others I think they’d explode. If you get a chance make sure you check it out, no matter what they’re showing.

J. was adamant that we line up early for the Diary of the Dead premiere and for once not only were we on the same page but we actually made it work. We scoped the line three hours before the event, and already there were two people waiting. An hour later we returned and managed to snag a spot a few dozen people back. Quick film festival tip: You can usually count on the amount of people in front of you to expand by 50% to 100% by the time the doors actually open as friends let friends who let friends cut in with them. Never before have I stood in line for a movie longer than the running time of the screening itself. Considering that this was the world premiere of the latest film by the director of my favourite horror movie of all time I was willing to make an exception.

By the time we finally made our way inside, our line had wrapped around half a sizable city block and the rush line, that last great hope for people who couldn’t get tickets beforehand, had stretched out to well over one hundred people, only a handful of whom would be getting in. J. and I ran into the theatre and, while we still didn’t get the best seats in the house despite our preparations, we did manage to snag a couple of choice seats. Our appoach was slightly more practical than the crowds I saw standing in the aisles futilely trying to find both good seats and enough to accomodate their crew. I swear, I overheard one couple who, in the span of mentioning that they didn’t want to take two seats off to the side, realized that those seats and every other two-seat combo had already been taken. It was a madhouse.

This is all just preamble to set you up for what happened next.

There were two empty seats beside ours, right up against the aisle. Less than a minute after we sat down this guy comes over and asks us if we have an extra ticket. He said he managed to get in through the rush line, but his girlfriend had no such luck. In hindsight, his story doesn’t make much sense. Did they let the rush line in at the same time as the regular line? Why was his girlfriend in the regular line but not in the rush line with him? Regardless, I could relate, having been in tight spots similar to his, so I gave him a ticket to give to his girlfriend. Of course, now that he had the ticket he had to go outside and give it to her, thereby losing the two empty seats beside us. So he asked us, two complete strangers, if we could hold onto both highly accessible seats for more than ten minutes in the most chaotic theatre I had ever visited for the movie voted “most anticipated of the festival”. So we refused. He offered to leave his wallet as an assurance that he would be back. We refused even more forcefully, not wanting to take on the responsibilty of looking after a stranger’s wallet. We tried to explain that the theatre was entirely too busy to be saving seats. He ignored us, explained again that he would be right back, and took off.

We gave the seats to the first couple who asked.

About fifteen minutes later the guy returned and he was furious. He kept repeating that he had offered to leave his wallet and that the seats would have been his if only we had accepted it. He continued hollering about it for a few minutes, puffing up his chest, waving his arms around and glaring at the poor people who had taken the seats and who had no idea what was going on. I have to admit, I was at a total loss. I actually started laughing, which probably didn’t help any. Later J. claimed that it looked like he had wanted to start an actual fistfight. She says I could have easily shoved his enormous sense of entitlement down his throat (she’s so sweet), but I somehow doubt I could have taken a fight like that seriously enough to actually win. He finally ran out of steam and skulked off, and we explained the backstory to the people sitting beside us. A few minutes later one of our neighbours pointed out that the guy had crossed the theatre and was pleading his case with some of the volunteers. I missed it, which is too bad because if I hadn’t I would have taken a picture. Now that would have set him off.

And that’s my favourite memory from the Toronto International Film Festival Midnight Madness.

A few years back I was lucky if I could attend just one major horror event up here in Canada. Usually it came down to a choice between the Fantasia film festival in Montreal and Rue Morgue’s Festival of Fear. It just dawned on me today that, not only did I attend both of the above, but I also got to experience the Toronto International Film Festival Midnight Madness program for the first time and I will also be attending the Toronto After Dark film festival. Connect Four!

Toronto After Dark is looking ridiculously kickass, even with only half their programming announced so far. I can personally vouch for Mulberry Street, which is one of the best horror films i’ve seen so far this year. When I told J. we’d have a chance to see it again she lost it. If you can make it, don’t miss out. Another film in their line-up I’ve already watched, and will probably watch again, is Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, which has to be seen in a theatre packed with Troma fans to be fully appreciated. Other horror selections include Automaton Transfusion, a fast-paced zombie flick that I’ve been dying to catch, and a bevy of short films, which is great because I’ve somehow managed to miss all the shorts presentations at all the other events over the summer. Even the non-horror stuff is catching my eye, from the Russian sword-and-sorcery of The Wolfhound to Audience of One, about a priest’s attempt to create a kind of Christian Star Wars. He should have shot it in Turkey. You can get away with anything there.

Get your passes now, but not before I get mine.

Congratulations to the lovely J., who is going back to high school, this time as a teacher. Here’s hoping your experience is slightly less traumatizing than Carrie’s.

Since I moved back to Southern Ontario I’ve been bragging about all the excellent horror and cult film events that I’m once again able to partake in. From Trash Palace to Toronto After Dark to the upcoming Festival of Fear and everything in-between, I’m spoiled for choice. One event that I haven’t mentioned yet which everyone keeps reminding me of is the Toronto International Film Festival Midnight Madness programming. With the debuts of Diary of the Dead, Mother Of All Tears and Sukiyaki Western Django you’d think I would have brought it up already. The truth is, I’m hesitant to go.

I’ve heard things.

I’m one of those people who bristles at the idea that genre films should be shown seperately from other, supposedly classier fare. I felt that it was unfair that Midnight Madness was segregated from the main event. As it turns out, it’s the regular festival that’s kept out of the Midnight Madness portion, for its own safety. Rumour has it that random, private screenings at Midnight Madness devolve into a cross between 42nd Street and Caligula. Even before the curtains go up you’ll find ushers pissing on the first three rows, and certain well-connected patrons of the Arts pay top dollar for the opportunity to watch. After everyone is seated, toting their gift bags full of lube and heroin, the debauchery truly begins. A Black Mass is staged down front. Prostitutes imported from Copenhagen flaggelate celebrities. The entire theatre becomes a whirlpool of sticky flesh and cigarette butts, and at its centre is Colin Geddes, born with eyes like dying embers and a 14-inch cock trapped in a rusty cage. His Satanic laughter echoes throughout the theatre, spurring the participants on to greater depths of depravity until the screen is covered with so much blood and semen that it’s almost impossible to make out the film. Almost.

And don’t even get me started about the after parties.

So, yeah, I’m going this year. They’re finally sucking me in with films like Frontière(s) and Stuck. Say a prayer for me.

Bloor Street doesn’t wait for the clubs to let out before it mixes it up, street fighter-style. Starting in July it’ll be a rumble in the Annex every Friday night as the Fight and Fright festival asks you to bring a paper bag… to carry your teeth in! All summer long the Bloor Street Cinema comes at you direct with a one-two combo of kung-fu and horror, all for a fin. That’s advance, pal!

On July 6th Jackie Chan represents with a little something something called Rumble in the Bronx. He’ll be standing face-to-boomstick with Bruce Campbell in The Evil Dead. Fuck Vegas.

July 13th is unlucky for most, but most assuredly lucky for the audience as Tony Jaa brings sexy Ong Bak. Meanwhile, Voorhees tips the scales with Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter. It takes a nation of millions to hold them back.

July 20th presents a different brand of cockfight when Peter Parkour and the kids from District B13 descend on the Annex. And as if that weren’t enough, this fight is going on from Dusk ’till Dawn, cinematically if not literally. Testify!

The gloves have just come off, fuckers. Put ‘em up.

Wishing all my fellow Canucks a beautiful long weekend!

If all goes according to plan I will be travelling to Montreal for Fantasia, North America’s largest genre film festival. Nothing from the schedule is really leaping out at me this year, but that’s alright considering how often my favourite films of the festival are the ones which I have zero expectations. Here’s a sampling of what’s on the bill.

The Signal, Flight of the Living Dead, Roomates, Hatchet, Hell’s Ground, S&Man, Woman Transformation, Exte: Hair Extension, Right At Your Door, The Tripper, A Bloody Aria, On Evil Ground, End of the Line, The Rage, Death Note, Mulberry Street, Home Sick, Poultrygeist, The Backwoods, Frissons des Vampires, Dead In 3 Days, The Last Winter, The Ferryman, Trapped Ashes, Postal, and many more.

In addition, scheduled guests include Jean Rollin and Uwe Boll among others. And after all that, I’m ashamed to say that I’m most anticipating a trip to Cosmos.

I wonder how long before Rue Morgue was going to announce the appearance of Dario Argento’s more-talented, lesser-known brother, Mario at this year’s Festival of Fear.

“Guests for the Festival of Fear chapter of the Expo include a super-rare appearance by director Mario Argento (Suspira) and a not-so-rare visit from George Romero.”

I’ve never been a big fan of Suspiria, overshadowed as it is by the superior film Suspira. And really, aren’t we all getting just a little tired of George Romero’s (sic) repeated visits to the Festival of Fear? After all, it’s only been, what, three or four years?

The guests for Rue Morgue Magazine’s Festival of Fear have been announced, and they’ve certainly outdone themselves this time around.

Dario Argento – Rare public appearance by Legendary Horror Director of Suspiria
Malcolm McDowell – Alex in Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange
George A. Romero – Honoured Horror Director of Dawn of the Dead
H.G. Lewis – Acclaimed Horror Film Producer
Michael Biehn – Star of Terminator, Aliens and Grindhouse
Angela Bettis- Star of upcoming films, Red and Scar
Adrienne Barbeau – Revered actress and “Scream Queen”
Greg Nicotero – Award winning Special Effects and Make Up Artist
Basil Gogos – Award winning Horror Artist and Illustrator

The Festival of Fear is the only horror convention I have had the opportunity to attend, so I’m not really in any position to compare, but that looks incredibly kick ass to this guy. Usually I’m interested in a handful of people, but this time around they’ve really stacked the deck. In fact, my only real complaint is that there don’t seem to be any real interesting B-listers. And I mean B-listers in terms of mainstream popularity, not quantity. People like Jack Ketchum, Jeff Lieberman and David Hess, all of whom were announced as guests in years previous (even if some of them couldn’t attend). There are still a few names to be announced, so hopefully my need for sleaze will be satiated. Cough, Henenlotter, ahem.

Speaking of Rue Morgue, one of my favourite writers for that magazine got hitched over the weekend. Congratulations Paul and Alex! Now I know why you haven’t been able to contribute as often to the Horror Roundtable!

Finally, Rock ‘N Roll Nightmare was right. Toronto is happening, man. Here’s a sample of what’s coming up in June alone.

1 - Trash Palace, Toronto’s Classiest Theatre, presents Schizo.
4 - Cinematheque Ontario presents The Unholy Three.
15 - Friday Night Frights presents Andy Warhol’s Dracula.
21 - Rue Morgue Magazine’s Cinemacabre presents Deathdream.
22 - Friday Night Frights presents Death Race 2000.
22 - Trash Palace, Toronto’s Classiest Theatre, presents Frankenstein’s Daughter.
29 - Friday Night Frights presents C.H.U.D.

And now I only live an hour away. Take that, losers!