This past month saw the publication of the most important book of 2008; Tough To Kill: The Italian Action Explosion. Authors Paul Cooke and David Zuzelo have been teasing international action aficionados with this tome for years, rationing out small tastes such as the formation of their blog of the same name and Zuzelo’s essential essay on the Pastapocalypse. With over 70 reviews and articles on Italian action cinema stalwarts like Bruno Mattei, Mark Gregory, Reb Brown, and Edoardo Margheriti, Cooke and Zuzelo are finally giving these treasures from the dusty shelves of Mom and Pop video stores the attention they deserve.

Give them your money. The future depends on it.

Twenty-five years after a plague resulted in Scotland being quarantined, a group of scientists and soldiers must fight marauders in the wastelands to find a cure and save the remainder of Great Britain.

I figured I’d hold off on this for a bit, in respect to Hey Internet, Stop Being Such Cynical Effing Douchebags Blog-a-Thon day.

Doomsday was fucking dire. In fact, it was the worst movie I’ve seen since Transformers, with which it shares so much. I never walk out of movies, but if I hadn’t gone with J., I would have left halfway through without looking back.

Considering the critical tongue bath it’s getting from genre fans, I can only imagine that it’s a matter of time before someone accuses me of hating Doomsday because it was derivative of previous post-apocalyptic movies. I hate writing an anticipatory defense, but that wasn’t the case. As a matter of fact, I’m an admirer of the post-apocalyptic sub-genre, derivative movies, and especially derivative post-apocalyptic movies. I’d be willing to bet that I own more knock-offs than I do the movies that were copied.

My only hope walking into Doomsday was that Neil Marshall would not only play off the surface elements of these films, but also attempt to match their craftsmanship. Unfortunately, this was one of the most inept, frustrating action movies I have ever seen, with absolutely no sense of pacing, composition or suspense. What makes it especially baffling is that Marshall has shown that he has a good eye for these elements in his previous movies. Maybe Doomsday was so big that it got away from him.

Any movie where I spend most of the running time wishing I was at home watching 1990: The Bronx Warriors or Phoenix The Warrior is a complete waste of time.

Arbogast On Film has posted an interview with yours truly concerning the artwork that’s escaped from the flea market and ended up here the past few weeks. I’ve been in a noir kind of mood recently, so it was a kick to break out the wash and try my hand at ol’ Martin Balsam. He’s a tough one to get a hold of. It seems like those eyes would be a cinch, but they’re very elusive.

Between this and Suzanne Pleshette, I’ve been giving Hitchcock’s victims a lot of thought. The death of Marion Crane was probably Hitchcock’s most surprising kill, but I think Milton Abergost is a contender for second place. He’s a character we’re all familiar with, the competent detective who’s seen it all, but he’s wandered into the wrong movie. This is like nothing he’s ever encountered. The usual rules don’t apply. And therefore the events are like nothing he, or the audience, can hope to anticipate.

The article linked below is probably NOT SAFE FOR WORK, as it contains a nude photo. In addition, the short story Adaptation by Tabico as discussed in the article begins with the statement “Author Note: Warning! Extreme squick! Bugs! Blood! Cruelty! Yucky & mean stuff!” and considering that this was written for people actually seeking out erotica, you should probably heed its warning.

Noah Berlatsky has been sending me links to his studies for awhile now, but his most recent project is easily his best yet. Gay Utopia is a finite forum dedicated to examining the notion of a society predicated on fluid sexuality. While not every article was to my liking, Noah’s take on what he calls “Fecund Horror” really struck a chord, and it’s obvious that it is something that he’s had brewing for quite some time. As I’ve mentioned previously, this kind of horror is one of my favourite takes on the genre, and Noah delivers. The essay tackles John Carpenter’s version of The Thing, Cronenberg’s Shivers (a favourite here at The Horror Blog) and a short story of erotic mind control by Tabico, with stops along the way for Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Alien, Frankenstein and many more. It’s a wild ride, and while I’m not sure I agree with everything Noah presents, it’s certainly a great place to start.

“For Firestone, the end result of this belief is positive — transforming pregnancy and repealing taboo results in a fluid and sunlit Eden. For the horror genre, on the other hand, transforming pregnancy and repealing taboo results in a slimy and tenebrous abyss. But the underlying economy of both is the same. Pregnancy is a central truth of our selves. It is the basis for the regulation of sexuality, of boundaries, of affection, and of love. If it is altered, identity collapses, and with it the world as we know it. The new birth is the apocalypse.”

As I said, it’s obvious Noah has been working this out for a long time now, to the point that he even provides a list of source material if you feel like pursuing this fascinating sub-genre further. I know I will.

And really, how can you resist an essay with the line “The men in the 1982 The Thing aren’t gay enough to live”?

“Well these women are his fantasy women. I mean, the beautiful, blonde goddess who’s really warm underneath. I don’t know how the hell we ever got in movies-in his movies.”

I’d be hard pressed to choose my favourite Hitchcock film. My choice would vary from day to day, but I can guarantee that The Birds would be one of the contenders for the title. And one of the principal reasons for my affection for The Birds is the presence of Suzanne Pleshette, who played schoolteacher Annie Hayworth in the film.

Gentlemen prefer blondes. I prefer brunettes.

Rest in peace, Mrs. Pleshette.

Tom Sullivan is probably best-known as the mastermind behind the visual effects and animation in Evil Dead 1 and 2, respectively. He also created of one of the most memorable horror props of the modern age; The Book of the Dead. Of all the entries in this series, his is the one I could most relate to.

I loved getting scared as a kid. I remember seeing the Vincent Price classic, House on Horror Hill, with my brother Mike and older sister Kathy after we had talked a babysitter into letting us see it. When the skeleton slides out of a closet we jumped through the roof and called it a night.

We both loved the film and Mike eventually forgave me for shutting the door.

Horror-Movies.ca takes a look at the estimated box office for this year’s AfterDark Horrorfest and asks why it didn’t get the support from the community it deserved. I can think of a few good reasons, and none of them have to do with a lack of interest.

One solution should be obvious to Horror-Movies.ca, considering their base of operations. I didn’t attend the AfterDark Horrorfest because it didn’t play in Canada. Normally that wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, it wasn’t until just recently that Canada even had a regular horror convention. I’m used to getting the short end of the stick. But in this case I was even considering crossing the border to catch the Fest. A few weeks before AfterDark was set to begin I checked their site to find the closest possible theatre in New York state and up until that point they didn’t have one listing. Not one theatre in the sixth most densely populated state in the U.S. Looking at the listings now, they added a handful of theatres in New York state, including a few that I could have reached, but the cities were added a little over a week before the event which left me no time (or interest) to make preparations for the trip. I’m sure others were in the same boat, and in a way I’m glad that I couldn’t make it because according to some reports this lack of preparation on After Dark’s part resulted in numerous theatres not showing their full engagement by cancelling some of the weekend screenings, leaving numerous pass holders holding the bag.

Happily, it looks as if AfterDark has realized their shortcomings and are prepared to take action. On the AfterDark message board, in response to various complaints, an employee of the company in charge posted the following message.

We are listening carefully and taking notes so that next year will be better. I can’t give you any details at the moment. It’s a bit soon for that. I’ll just promise that things will be different next year, different in a good way.

There’s nothing quite like watching a horror movie on the big screen, but unfortunately the gap between theatrical sreenings and direct-to-DVD seems to get wider with each passing year. I would love to see AfterDark work out, and I’m sure many genre fans feel the same. Here’s hoping they iron out the kinks. Until then, I hardly think the fans are to blame.

It’s always struck me that the one thing unions never attempt is a little ol’ time religion. Over 65 horror writers staged an exorcism yesterday at the Warner Bros. studio lot as part of the WGA strike, many of them wearing t-shirts that proclaimed “Horror Writers on Strike — We Eat Scabs”. The attendees included such luminaries as comic writer Steve Niles, Masters of Horror creator Mick Garris and was organized by 70s remake specialist Scott Kosar. There are many more pictures and comments at the link, including the startling fact that in the first 10 months of 2007 horror DVDs accounted for over 450 million dollars gross. I wonder if that’s worldwide or domestic.

In the mythical age before the internet, the best chances an awkward teen had of tasting forbidden fruit were sword and sorcery movies, porno found in the woods and horror flicks. It was far easier to sneak a nudie horror film past your parents then it was trying to convince the clerk at the video store to let you into the back room. And without some sort of guide, most onscreen nudity was a pleasant surprise.

Mr. Skin has released their guide to the Top 20 Movie Nude Scenes of 2007 and horror takes up a sizable chunk of the winners, though mostly at the tail end. No pun intended.

14. Bug - Ashley Judd
17. Halloween - Danielle Harris
18. Hostel: Part II - Heather Matarazzo
20. Rise: Blood Hunter - Lucy Liu

I’m amazed at my younger self’s ability to separate the sex from the violence, because current me has a hard time finding anything sexy about that list. Admittedly, Danielle Harris’ inclusion is refreshingly old school, and Lucy Liu is more the hero then the victim, but I just can’t see many people stroking it to Ashley Judd’s insect-infested paranoid. Especially bizarre is the inclusion of Heather Matarazzo, from a scene that involves copious amounts of pain, humiliation, and gallons of blood and snot.

Is there anyone out there that can pull off upside-down breasts?

It’s the final Tuesday installment of Scarred, and today we’re bringing you the nightmarish experiences of the duo behind The Blair Witch Project. Considering the tone of that landmark horror film, is it any surprise what scared these two men?

First up is Daniel Myrick, whose latest project was the murderous cultist film Believers.

The moment when the kid runs into Bigfoot in the woods in, “The Legend of Boggy Creek.”

Scared the pee out of me when I was young. Still get goosebumps.

Eduardo Sanchez has also been keeping busy, most recently with Altered, a tale of alien abduction and vengeance.

The PATTERSON-GIMLIN film is probably the scariest single piece of media that I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t know if you call it art or entertainment, but it chilled me to the core when I first saw it as a kid and it still creeps me out every time I see it.

Years later, the spirit of that little piece of filmmaking became a major contributing factor to the initial idea that later became THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Actually, our goal at the time was to make a feature-length documentary filled with PATTERSON-GIMLIN style moments. I can only hope that we came close to succeeding.

As I’ve mentioned previously, occasional Horror Roundtable contributor and Rose City Roller Doug Nagy has begun his career as a professional blogger. His duties include video reviews, like the one for The Mist which he filmed with The Movie Blog proprietor John Campea.

But really I just wanted to post this so I could mention that I smoked that fuckmunch at Zombies! earlier tonight. That’ll teach you to mess with the Zombie Plow.

I may have been hasty in denouncing the new, sunnier ending concocted for the most recent adaptation of I Am Legend. I’ve spent the last 24 hours, both asleep and awake, happily imagining new ways to end the film.

For instance, the creatures capture Will Smith and drag him blindfolded to his fate. They reach their destination, take off the blindfold, and Will Smith discovers that they’ve resculpted the Statue of Liberty in his image, with the inscription “I Am Lejend” scratched into the base, not unlike the statue of Michael Jackson from the infamous HIStory video. Speechless in his disbelief, Will Smith turns to the leader of the creatures who rests his hand on Smith’s chest and intones, with some difficulty, the word “Friend”. Will Smith replies in kind, and the screen fades to black as the sun rises on a new day.

Leave your own faux-happy endings, for I Am Legend or any other downbeat horror movie, in the comments below. My favourite entry will receive a DVD copy of the surprisingly fun Flight of the Living Dead as well as any other goodies I can gather together.

Thanks to JA for “Lejend”.