Name your favourite horror movie cliché.

Gary Wintle

When the monster or whatever frightful star of the franchise becomes more and more of a joke with each sequel. Jason, Freddy, Leprechaun (although that was kinda great still), and especially Chucky. Child’s Play scared the hell out of me as a kid, now look at him!

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Oh, man, this is easy, and not just for movies either: I LOVE the creepy local who serves as a living warning to the foolhardy young’uns before everything turns to shit. Whether it’s the old hillbilly in Deliverance, a drunk at a cemetery in Texas Chain Saw, a taxi driver in The Ruins, the one-legged priest in Dawn of the Dead, the ranting Chinese woman in World War Z, hell, even the nice guy in Hostel Part II, I dig the hell out of those ominous dudes.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

It strikes me as funny that slasher heroines ALWAYS have either a dead mother or a dead father (or at least absent). It’s as if the writers decided that being stalked by a psycho killer wasn’t enough to make the audience feel sympathetic for them, so they feel the need to add some other tragedy to their back story. If it were only one or two films than I probably would have never noticed, but seriously, think about some of your favorite slashers and see how many of those heroines have missing family members. It’s a strange cliche, and one that always makes me stop and take notice.

Jeff

A character runs into an elevator, her attacker right behind her. She stabs the button over and over as the attacker gets closer - the doors finally close, the attacker unable to pry them open again. In horror movie land there are no safety bumpers on the elevator doors that cause the door to open up again when pressed…

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

I love when someone opens a door and an animal/rodent comes out with a big music “stinger” scare! Don’t open that door! A cat might come jumping out!

I just love those… they are so overused and so funny that ANY filmmaker would even try to do it. Their inclusion in horror films just baffles me. But I laugh every time!

Bill - Pulp 2.0

Lesbian vampires.

I mean really…

Arbogast on Film

I say this with no particular pride but I suppose my favorite horror movie cliché will always be the Beautiful Woman who, even though she is in unfamiliar territory and may in fact sense that something is not right, will undress and perhaps even admire herself in a mirror. I suppose we have Psycho to blame for this. While Janet Leigh’s nudity was justified and even thematically relevant, the infamous shower scene inspired a generation and a half of filmmakers who think undressing is the proper apéritif to mayhem. In Dario Argento’s Tenebre, you have that wonderfully absurd moment where the journalist, unnerved by whispering coming from somewhere behind her, elects to go on changing her clothes, a choice that seals her doom (and provides the Argento canon with one of its most indelible images); for me, the cliché reached its apotheosis (or nadir) in Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever, where Cerina Vincent takes a break from the mounting horror to shave her legs. But for all I know, maybe these things really do help. Memo to self: next time in mortal fear, cup breasts.

Nathan - MicroHorror

Why would I have a favorite cliché? I hate clichés. The car never starts. The thing jumping out of nowhere is always the cat. The girl most willing to take off her shirt is inevitably the first to die. (That last one always bugged me. If I were making a movie, I’d want to give the half-naked actress as much screen time as possible.) No, I’m sick and tired of this stuff. That’s what I like most about the post-modern ’90s and ’00s slashers– the best of them subvert the clichés in some clever fashion or, at the very least, hang a lampshade on it and move on.

That said, there’s one movie cliché so old that it’s practically a tradition, and I love it ever so much. I refer, of course, to the good old Wilhelm Scream. I smile every time I hear it.

Why not go listen to this song now?

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Gardening tools that aren’t used for gardening. Even a lame slasher flick is at least watchable if there are some entertaining kills with a shovel, shears or scythe. And, yes, as overused as they are, chainsaws are still pretty scary when that engine comes to life with a loud crackle, spewing blue smoke and promising messy, painful mutilation. What we really need are more Garden Weasel ™ deaths, though.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Evil homosexuals.

B-Sol - Vault of Horror

Without a doubt, my absolute favorite, tried-and-true horror movie cliche would have to be the “killer/monster is right behind you” gimmick. What I’m referring to is that moment when our hero/heroine is backing up and suddenly realizes they’ve backed into whatever it was that was after them. A nice little chestnut that’s always good for a cheap scare, especially when punctuated with a sudden eruption from the soundtrack. There’s also a classic variation on this cliche which might be even better. Whenever a character in a horror movie starts walking in a particular direction while still looking in a different direction, you can bet your life savings that the instant they do turn around, they’ll be face-to-face with some unholy creature.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

The mysterious black gloved killer who’s identity is hidden until the last 10 minutes of a film. I never get tired of seeing a knife carrying killer wearing tight black gloves going on a murder spree. This is probably why I love gialli films so much.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

“Hey guys…let’s split up! We’ll cover more ground that way!”

It never fails, even in the best of horror movies, that people feel the need to pair off and go in different directions. Just once, I’d like to see a flick where all the teens stick together and either a) make it through the night because of their wise choice or b) the killer spears them, shish-kabob style.

Thanks to all this week’s contributors for one of the best Roundtables yet! Show them some love by visiting their respective sites, but before you split up please take a moment to share your own favourite clichés in the comments below. Now if only I could get this car to start…

Describe your favourite “era” of horror, and give a prime example for the uninitiated.

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

Hmmmm . . .

T Van - Tolerated Vandalism

It has been said that a writer will usually write about what he/she knows best. Having grown up in the ’80’s, it shouldn’t come as a big surprise that my favourite “era” of horror is the Slasher Era of the late ’70’s and early ’80’s. While some of these films are ridiculously cheesy, it’s hard to imagine a time when Friday the 13th and Halloween weren’t a big part of my life. I know that a good majority of slasher films are not cinematic masterpieces but it doesn’t matter because I still love them.

Jeff

Drive In Movies of the seventies. Human Experiments, Kingdom of the Spiders… cheap and fast and sleazy and heavy on the exploitation that looked SOOOOO good on that big screen.

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

My favorite era of horror is the classic Universal era. I’m pretty sure that this was decided for me when I had my first viewing of “Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein,” waaaay back when I was a wee lad. It was those movies in particular that truly defined all my ideas of the great monster archetypes. It also supplied my young, fertile brain with the most basic horror tropes: thunderstorms, castles, creaky staircases, cackling mad scientists, giant spiderwebs, and so forth.

The most important thing about that era was that those films were (at least in hindsight) essentially innocent films; they were usually simple, short, bloodless stories that were more about entertainment and fun than actual mind-curdling terror. I can certainly appreciate more modern takes on the genre, the kind of movies that are filled with wonderful gore and leave me sleepless for days, but in the end, my heart really belongs to Lugosi, Karloff, and Chaney. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t love the genre like I do if I’d have had my mind destroyed by movies like “Dawn of the Dead” at age six. If that were the case, I’d probably be really into romantic comedies or something now.

Billy

Oh for sure 80s slashers! That’s what I grew up on. It’s nice to check out other kinds now and again, but everytime Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elmstreet is on the TV, it’ll stop me in my tracks!

Bill - Pulp 2.0

I would have to say that I truly enjoy a mix of the 20’s and 30’s eras of horror. All the shadows and angles and blends of thrillers with the horror genre (THE BAT and THE CAT AND THE CANARY) as well as the universal monster series with their homages to the German expressionism and theater in their set design (SON OF FRANKENSTEIN). We also had the further outbreak of the french pulp movement in the 20’s giving us the lurid tales of terror and the fantastique.

If only Black & White films were marketable in today’s theatrical world.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

As maligned as it is, I love the mid to late 80’s era, when everything was so over the top that the actors could barely keep straight faces. Although there is some really awful stuff from that period, there are a few gems. What stands out? Return of the Living Dead, Sleepaway Camp 2… pretty much anything from the Friday the 13th series. There are too many to list, but if you’re a fan of “so bad it’s good”, you’d be doing yourself a disservice by NOT checking out films from this era.

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

I initially loved the old Universal monsters of the 30s and 40s (Frankenstein, Dracula, The Wolf Man, etc.) and still look to them as standards for horror. Later, though, I found a lot of thrills and amusement in the alien invasion films of the 1950s. Examples would be the original War of the Worlds, The Day the Earth Stood Still, It Came from Outer Space, Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), to campier movies like Invisible Invaders and It Conquered the World. All great fun.

Nathan - MicroHorror

Easy: The “twisted tales” anthology style of the 1950s and 1960s, best exemplified by the publications of EC Comics, but also by television shows such as “The Twilight Zone” and “The Outer Limits.” Set up your premise, knock it down with a curveball the audience never saw coming (but don’t cheat!) and move on to the next story. Short sharp shocks– I love them.

B-Sol - Vault of Horror

Lately, I’ve been getting more and more into the classic Universal stuff of the 1930s, the era of the Laemmles. But I’d have to say that overall, the era that’s always fascinated me the most is ’70s exploitation horror. I’m thinking of stuff like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn of the Dead, Zombi 2, I Spit on Your Grave, Suspiria, etc. That’s the stuff that drew me into horror, and it will always have a sick little place in my heart.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

Man, this is a tough one. Before the suckfest of the mid-90s and beyond we had a great run of flicks. As much as I want to say 60’s or 70’s. I have a warm spot for the early 80’s flicks such as FRIGHT NIGHT, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS, MONSTER SQUAD, GREMLINS, and so forth. It was a perfect blend of humor, weirdness, and monsters.

Arbogast on Film

I love 30s and 70s horror equally. Both eras tapped into the horror of recent wars and the twinned fascination with/repulsion to body mutilation or body modification. David J. Skal charted the rise of disfigurement as a motif horror in movies post World War I in his excellent genre study The Monster Show but I think the same thing happened during the late Vietnam era and after America withdrew from Southeast Asia. Both 30s and 70s horror were messy, Baroque, self-possessed, sexually informed and at times maybe even contradictory in their psychology; the heady, highly personal treatment of horror in both eras hit a sort of glass ceiling and ultimately beget more conservative, four-square shockers in the decade that followed, films that could be more excessively violent but were never quite as scary to me. Just as no film I can think of made in the 40s can match the queasy sense of transgression I get from Freaks, White Zombie, The Black Cat or Island of Lost Souls, no Reagan era McFright film can top the balls-out weirdness of Messiah of Evil, Let’s Scare Jessica to Death, Haunts or The Hills Have Eyes.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I honestly don’t have one. I think most horror eras/movements lump in a bunch of junk with the really good stuff, so I just choose to focus on the individual good films rather than get all enthused about a decade or a scene or a subgenre or a country of origin.

Buzz kill! Thanks to all the scholars and historians who participated in this week’s Horror Roundtable. You may have noticed some new names added to the rabble, so please take a moment and click those links to sample more of their wares. But before you go, feel free to enlighten us in the comments below, Professor.

Name your favourite giant monster movie.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Well, I’m fond of the GODZILLA series and still have a great fondness for the original B&W version (the Japanese one, not the Raymond Burr recut).

Jeff

The Giant Gila Monster tied with War of the Gargantuas.

B-Sol - Vault of Horror

For me, there’s only one true King of the Monsters, and that’s Godzilla. I’m sorry to say that I had never seen the original Japanese cut of Gojira until it finally got a limited American release four years ago. But if the only version you’ve seen is the one with Raymond Burr, you’re doing yourself a disservice. The original 1954 Gojira is a stark, nightmarish vision of terror bred from Japan’s real-life terror of the atom bomb. As much as I love the later Godzilla entries for their kitsch value, the first movie is in a totally different category, a high-quality film that stands the test of time.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

GOJIRA.

Not GODZILLA, but the original Japanese monster movie with the wonderful subplots that were left out of the “Americanized” version. All in glorious, sometimes overexposed black & white.

If you sign up, you can see it on Joost for free. [Not a plug, but just a referral]

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Between Shelob, the mûmakil, the fell beasts, and the trolls, I’m going with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Nathan - MicroHorror

My favorite giant monster movie? That’s hardly even a question. One of the old Toho classics, of course– I’ll just say 1954’s “Gojira” and be done with it.

That said, I’ll take the opportunity to suggest an underrated success from recent years: 2002’s “Eight-Legged Freaks.” It’s not a great movie by any means, but man, is it fun. Somebody clearly said “You know, it’s been way too long since anybody made a giant spider movie,” and then proceeded to do just that. It’s a terrific throwback to the golden era of monster movies, updated just enough to keep things interesting. The script even manages to be clever in its awareness and exploitation of different species of spiders and their various behaviors and hunting methods. The set piece with a gang of jumping spiders chasing down kids on dirt bikes is a hoot. Highly recommended.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

I’m gonna have to go with the 50 Ft Woman in ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN, if purely for sexual curiosity. She’s 50-feet tall, so her vagina has got to be, what, at least three feet tall and about, spread out, three feet wide, right? And I’m sure that it will take a midget, darting his body in an out rapidly, to give her any sort of pleasure. Let’s not even get into her clitoris, which has got to at least be the size of a softball. And what about if she decides to shave it all clean, porno-style? Surely she could donate the hair to a charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer.

Hmm…why doesn’t someone make this movie?

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

My initial response was Gojira, the original Japanese version of Godzilla King of the Monsters. However, after a little more consideration, I have to go with 1954’s Them! Them! rates at least a few notches higher than your standard giant bug flick for its intelligent dialog and above par acting. It’s also the original radiation-mutated monster movie. Today, many aspects of the film seem cliche, but that’s only because Them! has been emulated so often.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Although I really really liked Cloverfield, the only correct answer to this question is the original King Kong. It’s 75 years old this year and it still retains every bit of power it must’ve had when it first came out. That that tiny little model was able to get across, and still does, so much emotion, so much pathos, still astonishes me. And you can’t go wrong with dinosaur-fights, like, ever.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have the sudden urge to say Cloverfield because frankly, the movie kicks some serious ass and it should be viewed in a theater more then once. I’ll also add that anyone who doesn’t like Cloverfield should have their giant monster movie watching privileges revoked permanently. Now that I’ve got my “Ain’t it Kewl” headline out of the way, I’ll mention the original Godzilla film since it will probably always reign supreme as the ultimate giant monster movie in my mind, but The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms and It Came from Beneath the Sea both come damn close to beating it. Cloverfield will probably also be a favorite someday, but I need a few more years to enjoy it before I allow it to enter my pantheon of favorite films.

Well, I’m glad somebody mentioned King Kong. Huge thanks to all the contributors to this week’s edition of the Horror Roundtable, and if you get a chance please name your favourite kaiju in the comments below.

Describe a great horror movie-going experience you have had.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

To be honest, I’ve had such bad luck with crowds, that it’s kind of hard to think of one. There was one experience though, this past November at Horror Hound weekend, when I got to see an uncut version of “Hatchet” before it was released on DVD with an extremely rowdy crowd. The cool thing was, everyone was so amped up to see the film that it created an electric atmosphere. At the end of the day, I’m not even sure how good it is. I do know though that if you’re gong to see it, in a room full of amped up horror fans is definitely the place. Oh, and the fact that Tony Todd and Kane Hodder introduced the film certainly didn’t hurt. So ya, that would have to be it for me.

Jeff

The first time I went to an R rated movie… it was Alien and my Dad took me. Thought I was king of the world, that was the coolest thing ever.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

I remember when I was 17 and saw DAWN OF THE DEAD for the first time. Growing up in rural SC, we didn’t have theaters that played “midnight movies”, and so I and my fellow horror fans were forced to get in the car and drive across the state line to Augusta, GA (home of the Masters golf tournament). This was also a good thing because we could drink in GA, but weren’t of age in SC.

We piled into the car - there were six of us total - and we went to the theater where we had also seen NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, FANTASTIC ANIMATION FESTIVAL, MIDWAY (in Sensurround! Great when you’ve had a few), GLEN OR GLENDA, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE. We were all stoked to see a Romero zombie movie in color and thrilled to the idea we were going to an “unrated movie” and wouldn’t be home until about 4 in the morning.

The movie started and the crowd went wild. Then the zombie husband took the bite out of the wife’s neck and the screen was splattered with blood. Then the SWAT team blew open some heads. Nobody, and I mean nobody had ever seen anything like this. I can remember the palpable zeitgeist of the crowd, “Are we going to get in trouble for this? Oh Jeebus. This is… intense.”

Dead. Freaking. Silence.

Just like the moment right after somebody farts in class. That long interminable void that waits for the first sound to issue forth. then…

A voice from midway through the crowd piped up:

“What’s the matter? He’s eaten you before!”

The place exploded with laughter and shrieks, and we went back to drinking and yelling at the screen.

Stacie - Final Girl

When the movie is right, a rowdy crowd can be awesome. When I saw Scream the first time, it was in an…err, urban theatre and the crowd was insane. Yelling and screaming at the screen- in a good way. You know, “Don’t go in there!” and all that. Everyone was shrieking at all the right times, and it was probably the most fun I’ve had at a movie.

A close second would be a recent Friday the 13th Part 3 anniversary showing I…in 3D! Fantastic audience, screaming and laughing…and wearing those dumb glasses. What’s better than that?

Nathan - MicroHorror

Take my advice on this: There aren’t a whole lot of things more fun than going to an indy horror movie premiere at a real theater, even if you weren’t involved in the production. A few that I’ve attended here in Baltimore are “Deadlands: The Rising” (which I worked on) and “Livelihood” and “Holler Creek Canyon” (which I didn’t). Even if the movie isn’t so great, you’re surrounded by people who really care, and the atmosphere is just electric. Grab the opportunity if it ever comes your way.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

My brother and I frequently indulge in major viewing experiences. We watched the entirety of NEON GENESIS EVANELION together. He rode up with me to watch VAMPIRE HUNTER D: BLOODLUST in Atlanta. Most recently, after watching GRINDHOUSE, we staged our own private grindhouse. He brought VANISHING POINT, and I brought ZOMBIE, and we both watched STRAW DOGS, and all three flicks were featured in the book TRASH which DaveZ gave me the last time we met face-to face.

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

I tend to wait for horror movies to hit DVD (since New York theater crowds can get a little “rambunctious”) but the best movie-going experience I had was probably the release of 2004’s “Dawn of the Dead,” since its opening day coincided with an anniversary of the relationship I was in at the time. It says a lot about the girl you’re dating if she’ll agree to skip work and go see dead people eating alive people. Because of this sweet memory, my heart grows two sizes too big every time I see zombie Andy getting his head blown off.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Watching a 35mm print of Monster Squad at the Bloor theatre a couple years ago with a packed house full of cheering fans, many of them seeing the film for the first time in years. It was great shared viewing experience, especially during the — you guessed it — “Wolfman’s got nards?” scene.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I’ve had a lot of them, but one experience that’s been on my mind lately was seeing Jacques Tourneur’s fantastic Night of the Demon at a local revival theater on Halloween night in the late ’90s with friends. It was an amazing film to see on the big screen and I had a blast watching it.

Matt - Highway 62

ALIEN hits the theatres. My craftier friends, or those with older brothers have seen it or have had enough of it related to them second-hand that they can sound authoritative. It does indeed sound like the best thing ever. “THE THING RIPPED RIGHT OUT OF HIS CHEST!” I was in shock. This was inconceivable, unthinkable. An outer space movie that Scared The Hell Out Of You.

Around that time, you could find ALIEN: THE ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY in bookstores. Same with the Marvel/Epic Comics adaptation of the film (which comes recommended). I saw the pictures for myself. Sure enough. The thing ripped right out of his chest. And what a thing it was. I’d never seen anything like it. Nobody had. Geiger was a nobody in the US.

And then finally, due to the miracle of cable, I was able to watch the movie in the safety of my own home. A family friend stayed over to watch my sister and myself (yes, we were that young). We made pizza. I can still smell the combination of mozzarella and cheddar and red onion in my mouth as it swung open agape for the entirety of the film. I didn’t scream. ‘Cause if I had, the things under the couch would have heard me and known that I was easy prey. That pinging sound still haunts the edges of my consciousness sometimes. Glisten of alien mucus and the guttering light of homemade flamethrowers illuminating something that we were never meant to see.

My parents came home and found us all huddled on the fold-out couch. Nobody could sleep that night.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Well, this one was fun for me, but not for the poor girl it happened to.

When POLTERGEIST was released, a friend and I went to the Friday night showing. It was packed… we had to sit a few aisles from the very front. In the row in front of us were a gaggle of chatty girls all sitting together. They screamed, hid their eyes and seemed horrified at all the right moments. Towards the end, during the “clown doll attacks the kid” sequence after he looks under the bed, one of the girls in front of us screamed SO loud and seemed to jump about 10 feet out of her seat. Of course, my friend and I laughed at her… and then it hit us. The foul stench of urine. The girl had been scared SO badly at the clown doll shocker that she peed her pants. She peed a lot, too. The aisle, the seat, the air… all permeated with the foul smell of urine. She was so embarrassed that she went running up the aisle to the exit and, soon, her friends followed, leaving my friend and I suffering to the end (with others in the seats/aisles nearby, too) to watch the remainder of the film with the urine smell in the air.

I guess that’s a testament to the scares, though… POLTERGEIST made someone actually pee their pants!

Another week, another Roundtable devoted to oral sex and urination. Thanks once again to all the contributors for their fine observations, and if you’d like to share your own memorable theatrical excursions, please do so below.

Name the horror movie character who you would most want to emulate.

Bonus - Name the horror movie character you actually resemble.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I’d want to be Jake Weber’s character, Michael, in the Dawn of the Dead remake. He had it together, man.

I feel more like Jason Miller’s character, Father Damien Karras, from The Exorcist most of the time, though.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I can’t think of any horror character who’s a better role model than Dr. Hannibal Lecter. He’s brilliantly intelligent, highly educated, urbane, charismatic and witty. He’s a polymath, a polyglot, an accomplished musician and a gourmet chef. I think we all wish we could be that talented. If I had all of that going for me, I wouldn’t kill and eat nearly as many people as Lecter has.

Unfortunately, in both appearance and mannerisms, I much more closely resemble Sasquatch.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Naschy’s werewolf, Waldemar Daninsky!

JA - My New Plaid Pants

I want to be Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) from Blue Velvet when I grow up!

Matt - Highway 62

Bernard Quatermass. He’s the perfect Lovecraftian hero. Erudite, brilliant, sardonic, grounded, but not dismissive of the uncanny when the facts present themselves. He straddles the lines between authority and individual action quite nicely as well.

Physically, I’ve been told I was a good match for Roddy McDowall, who you might remember as Dr. Fischer in LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE, among literally countless thousands of others. Temperamentally, I’m probably most like Harry Cooper from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, whose whole “get in the basement and stay there” shtick is about how I operate on a daily basis.

Bill - Pulp 2.0

I would like to be near omnipotent like Pinhead. I’m already bald so I’m going with my strengths here….

I more closely resemble Leatherface - at least in girth…and height.

Jeff

Probably fearless vampire killer Professor Van Helsing is who I would be. I’m probably more like Aliens Cpl Hicks…

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

You know which character I really liked, in a ‘I wish I were more like him’ manner? Jake Weber’s Michael from the “Dawn of the Dead” remake. Out of all the characters, he was really the stand-out in terms of actually having moral character in times of crisis. He was smart, and brave, and refused to let those guys in the truck die, even if it meant running back outside amidst the speedy dead. Also, he was thoughtful enough to build a chainsaw holes in the getaway vans. If I were actually in a catastrophic situation like that one, I’d like to imagine that I would be strong enough to help others rather than just try to save my own skin. On the other hand, zombies terrify me, so I’d most likely just crumble into a clump of whimpering zombie chow.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

The Thing… no, wait, that’s the horror movie character that would most want to emulate me. In that case, I’d most want to be R.J. MacReady from The Thing, because he just wants to go back to his shack and get drunk.

And the horror movie character that I most resemble is The Thing… no, wait, once again, that’s the horror movie character that most resembles “me” now!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Sweet, pornographic God, I’d have to say Ron Jeremy on both counts. Ron Jeremy, when not starring in hardcore cinema, is in a lot of low-budget horror flicks, such as ANDRE THE BUTCHER and of course, those wacky Troma masterpieces. We’re both very chubby and extremely hairy and have a similar face with similar facial hair. Sadly, my cock is way smaller. :(

I do a lot of emceeing, public appearances, events hosting, etc. and have to endure people, especialy drunk chicks asking if I am him. It’s inspired an idea for a screenplay, called THE SON OF RON, about a guy who finds out that Ron Jeremy is his father, and he goes on a quest to find him. It’s a comedy.

Forget I asked! Thanks once again to all this week’s Roundtable contributors, and their counterparts, for their thoughtful responses. Make sure you check out their respective sites for more horror goodness, and if you get a chance give us your answer to the question above in the comments below.

Name your most anticipated horror event of the new year.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

For me it’s got to be “Cloverfield.” Granted it’s at the very beginning of the year, so I’m sure there will be a lot more interesting stuff after that, but I just can’t wait to see if this thing can possibly live up to the hype. I’m inclined to say “No,” but I’m a huge Blair Witch Project fan so I’m hoping for some similar action. Seeing the reaction of mainstream movie goers should be worth the price of admission alone. Hope they bring their barf bags!

Nathan - MicroHorror

I admit, the horror event I’m most looking forward to is the release of “The Twisted Twins”. Kudos to D.W. Green for helming the project. I’d be enthusiastic about this even if I hadn’t contributed several stories.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Well, I’ve been surprised to find myself excited for Cloverfield, but the reason I’m psyched is because I’m ignoring the viral marketing and the “from Mission Impossible 3’s J.J. Abrams” hoopla and focusing on the fact that it’s Godzilla meets Blair Witch meets 9/11, which sounds like a potent mix to me. I’m also curious to see what George Romero does with his own Blair Witch riff in Diary of the Dead. Meanwhile, provided it’s less Dog Soldiers and more The Descent, Neil Marshall’s stab at the post-apocalypse with Doomsday should be worth watching, while the Clive Barker adpatation Midnight Meat Train has the potential to be fantastic or depressingly bad–though I guess it could fall somewhere in between like The Mist did. Finally, just in terms of the future of onscreen violence, I’m looking forward to seeing what Stallone does in Rambo.

Bill Cunningham - Pulp 2.0

Bruce Campbell’s new movie - THEY CALL ME BRUCE.

Truly - “The Chin is the win.”

Matt - Highway 62

As for my answer, that’s an easy one. DIARY OF THE DEAD. I’m a sucker for zombie movies, but only particular zombie movies. George Romero’s top that list quite easily. Now, I must admit a bit of trepidation because DIARY seems to be treading some of the same material (chronologically speaking anyways) that NIGHT, et al did, which isn’t something that he’s done before. He’s always pushed it forward, expanding his portrayal of the world slipping into the undead hands of its new masters. DIARY seems to be heading in a more personal direction, though, going from wide-scale destruction to a more intimate view of Things Falling Apart. Can’t wait for that.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Undoubtedly the apocalypse. I filled my condo with delicious goodies from Costco, there are plenty of good spots on the balcony from which to snipe zombies and as long as the gas generator holds up, I can finally catch up on my movie watching. The End Times are gonna rawk.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have to say that I’ve been mighty impressed with the clips of CLOVERFIELD that I’ve seen so I’m probably mostly looking forward to that movie. I also like that fact that it’s an original film and not another remake. Plus it seems to have giant monsters and I love giant monsters! I’m also curious about Romero’s new film DIARY OF THE DEAD. It looks like 2008 might be the comeback of the “shaky hand-held camera” made popular by THE BLAIR WITH PROJECT. Last but not least, I’m really looking forward to VINYAN directed by Fabrice Du Welz, but I don’t know much about it.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

There is nothing that really thrills me at the moment. But the idea of Del Toro taking on FRANKENSTEIN seems to be the most interesting.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Right this second it’d be Cloverfield. After that it gets much more crowded. Still waiting for Greg McLean’s Rogue. And All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. And Trick’r'Treat. Everything I want to see has been delayed forever, it seems. Then there’s Diary of the Dead, of course. And Midnight Meat Train. And The Ruins. Richard Kelly’s The Box. The Funny Games remake. The Happening. X-Files 2. Wow I’m an asshole; I could keep going, and I could keep refusing to make one choice. I want them all!

It looks like 2008 is going to be all downhill as of the 18th for many of this week’s Roundtable contributors. Thanks once again to all the wide-eyed optimists who wrote in this week, and please let us know what you’re most anticipating in the comments below.

Share your horror-related New Year’s resolution.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

To watch more Mexican horror films and catch up on all the Casa Negra DVD releases. I also need to catch up on all the Spanish Paul Naschy films that BCI/Eclipse have released. I hope to write a lot more about British and Japanese horror films next year and maybe I’ll start working on a book proposal. I’m dreaming big for 2008, which means I’m surely headed for disappointment. Viva la New Year!

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

I resolve to bring The Knightmare to life!

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Keep going to see the movies I want to see at the movie theater. It’s fun that way.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Alas, the same horror-related New Year’s resolution for too many years in a row now: FINISH THE DAMN NOVEL!!!

Happy holidays from the Groovy Age of Horror!

Doug Nagy

I recently picked up a collection of about 20 Hitchcock films and I plan on working my way through all of them this year. Upon completion I will drink a liter of crow blood.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

I’m not usually one for shameless self promotion, but we’ve got a lot of things cooking up right now at the site that I’m really excited about. A slightly tweaked look, t-shirts, collaboration with other sites and Horror Hound Magazine, and a whole new promotional push. These things are all resolutions because, well at this point none of it has been fully realized. The gears are turning though, so I hope everyone takes the time to visit the site this year and join us in the journey.

Nathan - MicroHorror

My big horror goal for 2008 is to hit one thousand stories on MicroHorror, but that’s not really a resolution, since it all depends on the generosity and creativity of others. I do resolve, though, to watch more movies and get caught up on the canonical titles, both classics that I’ve never seen and more recent successes that I missed. And just for the heck of it, I’m going to watch the entire series of Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, interleaved, so I see all the movies in chronological order of release date, culminating in Freddy vs. Jason. I think that will be fun.

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

My horror resolutions for 2008 are threefold:

1. There’s this Stephen King book called “The Stand” — maybe you’ve heard of it — and it’s been propping up my bed for about three years. My resolution is to get a new bed frame so that I can finally read it.

2. Watch every Hammer film known to man.

3. Continue my grand plan to collect every major ’80s and ’90s television show’s special Halloween (or generically horror-themed) episode, if they had any. Especially the ‘haunted house’ episode of “Diff’rent Strokes.”

I’m making the same resolution I make every year; punching The Healthiest Man In Canada in the throat. Thanks to all this week’s Roundtable participants for putting up for me for another year. Make your improbable vows for 2008 in the comments below.

Describe your least favourite horror-related experience of 2007.

Sean - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

That would be seeing the New York premiere of Hostel: Part II. I mean, sure, it was fun to go to a screening with the filmmakers and stars. But that movie! It’s as though Eli Roth consciously chose to make a film that lived up to the inaccurate criticism directed at the first. Listening to the Q&A afterwords, as fawning true believers showered the movie with praise to the sounds of Roth obliviously tooting his own horn, was like watching a subgenre drive off a cliff.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

The whole idiotic “debate” over so-called “torture porn” and the ridiculous arguments I read against it. I think the term was created by lazy uninformed critics who wanted to start a controversy and they clearly haven’t watched a lot of horror movies. Some of the worst and most uninformed film criticism I read this year was directed at Eli Roth and it got really ugly, personal and unprofessional. Even some horror sites and publications started to parrot mainstream critics because it was popular or trendy to bash anyone associated with “torture porn” and that added to the level of noise and really got on my nerves frankly.

Retropoliltan - Tales To Astonish

While I can’t say that I’ve really had a *terrible* experience with horror in 2007, I’d say that “Saw III” comes the closest. I’ve long been a proponent of films having characters that are somewhat likable, but in this flick, I really couldn’t wait until they were all dead; and yet when they died it wasn’t even satisfying. I think Jigsaw’s big torture move in the final installment should be cutting off their eyelids and making these people watch the entire Saw franchise in one sitting. Could anyone possibly survive that? UNLIKELY

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Finally being forced to watch the Black Christmas remake from 2005. One of the WORST movies I’ve ever seen, and a true insult to the original. Seeing the way that Rob Zombie butchered Halloween was also quite an unpleasant experience.

Jeff O’Brien

Watching Hills Have Eyes 2 - the freefall of Wes Craven continues.

Rony

It would definitely be seeing night of the living dead 3D. So much potential and yet one big piece of shit came out. BOOOOO!!!!

Nathan - MicroHorror

I can describe my worst horror experience of 2007, I have to retract my previous answer regarding the best. I don’t know why I failed to bring this to mind last week– I suppose I mentally filed it under “life-affirming memories to warm my soul forever” instead of under “horror”– but it happened at Baltimore Comic-Con, and it was when I got to meet, shake the hand of and express my gratitude to Al Feldstein. Feldstein, of course, is the writer of most of the stories that appeared in the great EC horror comics of the 1950s (in addition to his duties as editor and regular artist). No single person has done more to influence and inspire me as a horror writer and fan. He’s one of my idols, and having the opportunity to tell him so in person was one of the high points of my life.

I had to mention Al Feldstein because my worst horror experience this year was tangentially related to him. You see, an operation by the name of Papercutz somehow landed the rights to publish new comics under the “Tales From the Crypt” title, and I, blinded by the sight of the old logo, bought a copy of their first trade paperback. Guess what? It stunk like a six-week corpse. The stories were predictable and boring, the writing was weak, the jokes weren’t funny and the art just barely qualified as tolerable. The host segments were drawn by Rick Parker, and I don’t know who he is, but he’s sure as hell no Jack Davis.

To make matters worse, if you can believe it, the violence and gore were actually toned down compared to the originals. Papercutz, it seems, bills themselves as a “graphic novel publisher for tweens and teens.” Their other flagship titles include comic adaptations of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. Clearly, this is not the house to be taking over where Feldstein and company left off. So save your money and don’t be fooled by the appealing title. These are not the Tales From the Crypt you’re looking for. I’m expecting the offices of Papercutz to be attacked by the shambling corpses of Bill Gaines, Johnny Craig and Graham Ingels any day now.

I’ll tell you what I’m liking about this year. My brother and I kicking it in a penthouse condo playing Marvel Alliance for Christmas. Thanks to all Roundtable elves for providing the coal for Horror’s stocking. Leave a message at the beep.

Describe your favourite horror-related experience of 2007.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

To me, after being away from the genre for a few years, catching up on all the great stuff from over the last few years was great fun. By far the film that blew me away the most was Niel Marshall’s “The Descent.” It was one of those films that will scare the shit out of you and stays with you for days afterwards. Also, flying out to Indianapolis for Horror Hound Weekend (A horror convention put on by Horror Hound Magazine, which I also write for) and getting to meet John Landis was amazing. I met some great people that weekend and I’ll never forget the experience.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Probably watching the opening sequence of 28 Weeks Later, the best horror movie of the year.

Jeff O’Brien

Watching THE EYE for the first time. Terrific Asian horror!

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I had a few that have really stuck with me. The first was discovering Fabrice Du Welz’s Belgium/French horror film Calvaire (2004) on DVD earlier this year. Calvaire was easily the best new horror film I’ve seen in at least two or maybe even three years. The French have been producing some of my favorite modern horror films of the last decade and Calvaire is just amazing in the way the unusual story plays out and the beautiful way it’s shot. I was also thrilled that I was finally able to see Hiroshi Teshigahara’s Pitfall (1962) and Teruo Ishii’s Horrors of Malformed Men (1969). I’ve been wanting to see both of these Japanese horror movies for years so when they were released on DVD in the US this year I was really excited and they didn’t disappoint me. As a matter of fact, I was so blown over by them that I haven’t been able to write anything about them yet. Words have sort of failed me.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Hands down it was seeing the director’s cut of the first Hostel with Eli Roth in attendance a couple months ago. Not only did I end up preferring the director’s cut to the original, but Eli Roth was funny and articulate and, well, standing five feet from me in relatively snug jeans… I’m a simple man, with simple tastes.

Nathan - MicroHorror

My favorite horror experience of 2007, I think, was the Postcards From Hell project. I paid the low price of $6.66, and once a week for thirteen consecutive weeks I received a postcard in my mailbox containing a brand new short-short horror story, each one an eerie gem. The project was an original and delightfully tangible way of delivering stories to readers, and all of the postcards are now stored safely in a creepy little wooden box on my mantel. Sadly, the project is over now, and it’s not clear whether it will ever be repeated, but it was lots of fun while it lasted. My compliments to the organizer and participating authors.

Retropolitan - Tales To Astonish

My favorite horror-related experience of 2007?

The official ‘Monster Squad’ DVD. I’m sure I’ve seen the movie a thousand times already, but actually having a super-duper double-disc set with all the commentaries and documentaries and frills made 2007 worth living through. If the entire civilized world collapses before January 1st, the rise of human society will not have been in vain because of this DVD set. Now that I think of it, maybe we should just quit while we’re ahead.

My alternate answer: “Whatever the opposite of SAW III is.”

My best experience of the year? Why, thanking the Horror Roundtable participants each and every week, of course! Make like Zelda and check out the links above, while simultaneously letting the world know your own worthwhile horror-related experience in the comments below. I know you can do it. I believe in you.

Which piece of writing, artwork or other creative output do you feel is your best of the past year?

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I’m really proud of “Destructor Comes to Croc Town,” my contribution to the Elfworld indie-comics fantasy anthology. It’s a year or two old, but seeing it in print this year in that lovely collection was just wonderful.

In terms of blogging, I did a lot of writing I’m happy with this year. I’m pretty proud of defending of the “torture porn” label and drawing attention to the current critical fixation on political subtext in horror to the exclusion of other factors. But just in general I feel like I found a real groove in terms of talking about the art that interests me, probably aided by blogging daily with only maybe one week total of off-days.

Jeff O’Brien

http://www.bonedryfilm.com and click trailers. The “cactus scene” warms my heart.

Gary Wintle

Although not horror-related, I think my best work so far this year has been the story I made chronicling my adventure to the hippy town of Nimbin, Australia for Cannabis Culture Magazine. I’m most happy about it because I’ve done plenty of art in the past for people, but this was my first shot at writing anything. I had full creative freedom to boot, so that really rocked out too.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I haven’t been working on much art lately and due to camera troubles I haven’t taken a lot of photos this year so that limits my choices to my writing. I’m not sure what was my best piece is, but the “What’s in the Box?” piece I wrote about Bunuel’s film Belle de Jour generated a lot of interest and the research I did seemed to offer fresh insight into that film. I’m personally really fond of my piece about Lee Marvin in Point Blank, as well as my piece on Roger Vadim’s Blood and Roses so I’d have a hard time choosing between those three.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Perhaps this is a cheat answer since it’s an entire series of posts that I’ve done for my blog, but I really, really enjoy doing my Thursday’s Ways Not To Die series. I’d been wanting some way to up the gore-quotient and this series has been effective in that regard, most assuredly.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

Well, I have not completed anything this year. However, I have started on several projects or more including a music vid and screenwriting. If anything, I am just glad to finally have the gumption to get off my ass and make a go at making something.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

I’m really proud to have put all of the Thriller-A Cruel Picture / They Call Her One Eye material on the web. Enhanced by as much Christina Lindberg as I could find (with more to come)…this is something I just really needed to do. While I don’t think the writing is the strongest suit-though I think my coverage on Breaking Point is pretty good-just passing along all that stuff is something I hope lots of fans of the movie and exploitation cinema archaeologists find helpful for years to come.

And though there is some repetition in the tagging, there are lots of Christina Lindberg photos (ed. note - NSFW, and how!) that I’ve found via Usenets around the world as well as sent to me by collectors that I’ve tried to clean up and restore as best as I can.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I haven’t been as prolific with my own horror output this year as I would have liked. I can’t complain, though– my time has been occupied with work and piracy, as well as publishing the work of some very fine writers. I did sell an unpublished story to Apex Digest, though, as well as contributing to the upcoming Twisted Twins horror calendar, so I can’t say that I was unproductive. Apart from that, though, I wrote one thing that was very satisfying: an E-mail.

As some of you may know, I had some regrettable trouble with a plagiarist earlier this year, and of course I banned him from my site the moment I found him out. Some people just never learn, though, so he continued to try to send more stories from new E-mail addresses and under assumed names. I replied, reminding him in no uncertain terms of his banned status and forbidding him from contacting me again. He wrote back a few days later with a message reading, in its entirety:

“fuck you faggot”

When I read that, I knew that victory was truly mine, and I slept the sleep of the just.

Now that’s fast fiction! Thanks to all this week’s contributors for giving themselves a pat on the back. Won’t you check out their glorious achievements at the links above? And while we’re on the topic, feel free to crow about your own projects in the comments below.

Name something in a horror movie that frightens you or makes you squirm but doesn’t seem to scare anyone else you know.

Casey Criswell - Cinema Fromage

Spiders make me scream like a girl. For instance, I watched Arachnophobia from my best friends kitchen peeking around the corner. Just this past weekend, when watching “The Mist”, there was a particular scene in which I had to literally cover my eyes and damn near crawled into the lap of the friend that came with me.

I’ve seen tons of horror flicks. Gore doesn’t phase me, cannibalism doesn’t phase me, monsters don’t phase me. If there’s spiders? You better watch out because my 260 lb ass is most likely vacating the room in a hurry.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Well, the scene in “The Lost Boys” where Kiefer Sutherland gives Michael the Lo-Mein, only to have him look down and discover that he’s been eating maggots, that always makes me squirm in my seat. Pretty much anything with maggots really screws with me, and makes me not want to eat anything for the rest of the day. Also, the scene in “The Ring” where we see a flash of the dead girls’ body in the closet, mouth agape and face all drained of life, that scares the shit out of me… it gets me still to this day, but reviewers seldom seem to mention it.

Jeff OBrien

Spiders. The scene in The Giant Spider Invasion where one gets turned into a mixed drink. A real plump one/

Also Slugs - the scene where a slug in a head of lettuce is chopped up and mistaken for salty sliced olives…

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I’d have to say that I’ve got a bigger-than-average aversion to centipedes. When I was a kid, there was a period where I was sleeping in our unfinished basement and remember seeing the odd centipede scurry across the floor, which really, well, bugged me out. I really hated them. When I saw the giant centipedes in King Kong, I got a King-sized dose of the heebie-jeebies. A close second might be any J-horror film with hair gurgling up from a drain. If you’ve ever lived with someone whose long hair gets caught in the drain and has to be pulled out in a giant clot, you know why this is yucksville.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Skin ailments, like cracked, bubbling, scaly or craterous lesions or dryness. I actually still have nightmares about stuff like that.

Rony

There is one thing that always gets me in horror movies and that’s when someone is being dragged away and the victims finger nail gets ripped off from trying to hold on to things. Seeing the nail being peeled off always gives me shivers!

Nathan - MicroHorror

Eye stabbing? Fine with me. Children in danger? Bring it on. There’s not much that I truly can’t stand to see in a horror movie– it’s fiction, after all– but there is one thing that keeps cropping up in movie after movie, and I hate it every time. Don’t laugh, now. It’s violence against cats.

What can I say? I love cats! I live with three, and I adore them all, even the old and grouchy one and the one who pees where he’s not supposed to. I dread the very thought of anything bad happening to them. And yet if I see a cat in a horror movie, I know that it’s almost certainly doomed before the credits roll. It always seems to happen early in the movie, too– before any humans get killed. It’s as though murdering a cat were somehow less horrifying than murdering a
human, and frankly I don’t think it is.

Lines from dead cat scenes haunt me.

Pet Sematary (1989): “Play dead! BE DEAD!”

May (2002): “Oh, Lupe. I’m going to miss petting your soft fur.”

Awful, awful stuff.

I watched the Masters of Horror episode “Jenifer,” and the one thing that most threw me out of the story was the knowledge that no matter how sexy you are, if you were to kill and eat one of my cats, that would be the end of the relationship right there. The male lead in the episode evidently disagreed with me.

Or another MoH episode: “The Black Cat.” I watched the DVD with one of my beasts by my side, and when I saw a cat-murdering scene coming up, I covered his eyes so he couldn’t watch. What else would a responsible parent do?

So, yeah. Next time you make a movie, kill all the humans you want. Men, women, children, it’s all good. But please, leave the kitties alone. Thanks.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Oooh, you know what I HATE? Those little bubbles that form on the backs of the mogwai and gremlins when they get wet and start to multiply. I have a phobia of growths, or anything resembling them, and seeing that gets me all twiggy.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

It just has to have more than four limbs. It doesn’t even have to be in a horror movie; you could show me a bowl of shrimp at a banquet in somebody’s wedding video and I’ll jump out the window.

My greatest fear is that I won’t remember to thank all this week’s Roundtable participants. Do you have a cinematic phobia? Let it all out in the comments below.

Name your favourite horror novel.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

It’s a toss-up between It and The Stand, which is 50% the origin of my oft-repeated maxim that Stephen King is at his best over 1,000 pages or under 100. (The other 50% is the short-story collections Night Shift and Skeleton Crew.) I’ve re-read them both recently and I think The Stand holds together better, but with the exception of the superflu section, which always makes me paranoid when I get a case of the sniffles, It is much scarier.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

Probably the Dracula series written by Robert Lory for Pinnacle. Drac is back and he’s being used by an old Van Helsing-ish professor to fight evil. It had the flavor of the old Universal monster series of films where Drac or Frankenstein’s monster met other horror characters.

Lots o’ fun.

Jeff O’Brien

FADE by Robert Cormier

Nick - DVDTrash

Definitely a toss up between “Nemesis” by Shaun Hutson (How more of his work has not been filmed, Slugs aside, is a travesty, all great B-Movie material!), Clive Barker’s “Cabal” or finally anything of Richard Laymon’s, great vacation horror reading!

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Well I’ve been seriously lax on being all I can be when it comes to reading horror as of late, but I will say that one of my fondest memories is the Summer post-college when I had no job and no prospects for three straight months and spent a couple of weeks therein sprawled out on an air mattress in the laundry room of my mothers house - don’t ask - plowing through The Stand and It for the first time. I’d stay up until 5 or 6 reading them every night, scaring myself silly, and then sleep all day. Ahh, good memories. What’s weird is sometimes I think my entire life after that moment has been a dream and someday I’ll wake up back on that air mattress. Is this considered an over-share? What was the question again? Where am I?

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

THE HORROR SHOW by Greg Kihn which is the most perfect homage to b-movies, FAMOUS MONSTER MAGAZINE, and filmmaker Ed Wood and his gang of cohorts. The plot of the book mixes it up with the supernatural and a few other pulp elements all which culminates into a very cool twist ending. It had two sequels that followed it but it never seemed to be as perfect as the first.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

This is a tough question to answer because I like a lot of books. I also tend to like short horror stories over full-length novels. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is probably my favorite full-length horror novel of all time, but I also really love Shirley Jackson’s We Have Always Lived in the Castle and The Haunting of Hill House. J. K. Huysmans’ classic L-Bas and Clive Barker’s Damnation Game are some other personal favorites. I could go on naming books forever!

Nathan - MicroHorror

Novel? Who has time to read novels these days? Oh, sure, the classics are required reading– Frankenstein, Dracula, The Shining– but if you’re a person of limited attention span like I am, then short story collections are where it’s at. Here are three great ones to get you started:

The Collection, by Bentley Little
Peaceable Kingdom, by Jack Ketchum
100 Jolts: Shockingly Short Stories, by Michael A. Arnzen

Each of these books contained multiple scenes that kept me good and haunted for several days. You’re bound to find something to your liking. And if a story starts to bore you, just skip to the next one!

Gary Wintle

I haven’t read many horror novels, but one I did read back in the day and really enjoyed was Cabal. It’s the one by Clive Barker that became a not-so-successful (but I thought still rocked) movie called Night Breed. Something about it was just cool to me reading it, kinda like X-men, but more “realistic”. These creatures were outcasts and everything, but you totally wanted to be one. That, and the book was great for sexy monster sex scenes and pretty short which is great for my attention span (it took place in Canada too I think or am I thinking of something else?). Give’er diesel, sex monsters, give`er diesel.

Like the Bookmobile, the Horror Roundtable delivers. Thanks to all the well-read ladies and gents who participated in this week’s salon. If you’d be so kind, please give us your literary recommendations below.

Name your favourite horror movie tagline.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

BRIDE OF CHUCKY

“Chucky gets lucky.”

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

“Who will survive and what will be left of them?” from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Greatest Of All Time!

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

“When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth…”
That one always struck me as genius marketing. It’s catchy, thought provoking and it made me want to see the movie!

It’s a tie with: “In space, no one can hear you scream.”

Stacie - Final Girl

Aah, there’s so many good ones, though I feel like it’s a dying art. Of course, that just might be my cynical, bitter half talking, but it seems to me that taglines (and posters) used to be much more effective at getting your curiosity piqued. Maybe with the glut of information about films- trailers, on-set reports and the such- at our fingertips now, posters and taglines have become less essential? I have no idea. But anyway, some of my favorites:

“The night he came home” - a simple and chilling line for a simple and chilling film, John Carpenter’s Halloween.

“Man is the warmest place to hide” - eww! From another Carpenter classic, The Thing.

“If this movie doesn’t make your skin crawl, it’s on too tight!” - Black Christmas ‘74

Zombie movies tend to have killer taglines:

“They won’t stay dead!” - Night of the Living Dead ‘68

“When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth” - CLASSIC! Dawn of the Dead ‘78

“We are going to eat you!” - Fulci’s Zombi gets right to the point.

And one of the absolute greatest (if not THE greatest) in my humble opinion:

“Who will survive and what will be left of them?” - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre ‘74

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

I’ve always loved the tagline to The Abominable Dr. Phibes: “Love means never having to say you’re ugly.”

Red Hawk - Happy Horror

I have three taglines that are my favorites. The first one I thought of was from Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead: “We Tried To Warn You. If You Don’t Get It This Time We’re Going To Have To Drill It Into Your Head!”, which was made all the more poignant with the picture of the Tall Man holding one of his driller balls. My second favorite was from Return of the Living Dead Part II’s “Just When You Thought it Was Safe to be Dead”. It really cracked me up, especially with the scenes in the ads that it showed (one with a zombie trying to come up out of the ground only to keep getting stepped on, the other with a zombie falling into an open grave as he’s shambling along). My third favorite is from the 1980s classic Night of the Creeps: “The good news is… your dates are here. The bad news is… they’re dead.” Hearing the main cop deliver the line in the trailer basically made me want to see the movie.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

The one that sticks to my mind at the moment would have to be LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT’S Taglines: “It rests on 13 acres of earth on the very center of hell!!” And the second tag on the same poster: “Mari, seventeen is dying, even for her the worst is yet to come!”

You have to admit that the last tagline would give anybody the creeps just by imagining what goes on in that flick. No one ever seems to have those great taglines anymore.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

For pure kick-ass value: “He’s in town with a few days to kill.” from PREDATOR 2.

For pure WTF value: “Can a full grown woman truly love a MIDGET?” from TOD BROWNING’S FREAKS

For pure nostalgic value: “We are going to eat you!” from ZOMBI 2

The Horror Roundtable. They’ll answer any question… For a price! Have your say in the comments below, if you value your soul.

Describe a piece of horror entertainment that you enjoyed but can no longer remember the name of.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

When I was in elementary school I was super-scared by any horror that wasn’t of the black-and-white classic-monster variety, but I was big into “enigmas”–the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Atlantis, UFOs, the Bermuda Triangle, ghosts and so on. The school nurse, to whom I was a frequent visitor, had a little paperback book on them that contained two tales that haunt me to this day. One was on the mystery of Flight 19, the group of Naval bombers that disappeared over the Bermuda triangle, leaving only the cryptic echoes of their increasingly distant-sounding call numbers over the radio waves behind. The other was the story of a 19th-century farmer (I did a little googling a couple weeks ago and his name was David Lang) who disappeared into thin air while walking in his field; the only trace of him were faint cries for help from the ether and the dead grass on the spot where he vanished. This one had a creepy illustration with a guy waving in the middle of a field, only instead of really seeing him there’s just a dotted line to indicate he’s invisible. Even though both of these stories have basically been debunked, the whole “vanishing/desperate voices from beyond” thing still gives me the willies. I wish to god I knew the name of the book it was in so I could add it to my bookshelf, next to my Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark Omnibus and the abridged and illustrated Tales of Mystery and Terror by Edgar Allen Poe, two other proto-horror touchstones.

Actually, while we’re on the subject, there was this magnificent series of thin orange hardcover books, each spotlighting a different classic monster (the Universal stable, King Kong, Godzilla, etc.), that I took out from my elementary school library CONSTANTLY. The back page was always a picture of Kong plugging the other books in the series via a word balloon reading “I SUGGEST YOU READ ABOUT MY FRIENDS!” A similar series of purple hardcovers covered ’50s sci-fi/horror flicks. Please, please tell me someone out there knows what the hell I’m talking about.

Jeff O’Brien

This odd Czech film that featured these HUGE sets and actors playing miniature people moving out of the walls, over the furniture. WAY pre CGI, damned if I can find the title though…

Nathan - MicroHorror

First is a movie that got screened at Camp Airy, circa 1990 or thereabouts. All I remember was a bunch of short little troll guys creeping around– I think they were wearing hooded robes– and a boy with longish hair who inspired me to burst into an impromptu rendition of Aerosmith’s seminal hit “Dude Looks Like a Lady,” to the amusement of the other campers. In hindsight, I think the movie was “Phantasm” or one of its sequels, but as of right now I’m still not certain.

The second, on the other hand, was found on late-night television at my friend Will’s house, also many years ago. It was an old movie even then, and the plot concerned a killer, possibly giant, crocodile. I remember that Our Hero, your standard Great White Hunter type, had a cowardly native sidekick who at one point cried out in his phony accent, lamenting, “I would make some croc a tasty dee-ner!” Yeah, it was bad, but I’d love to know what on earth that movie was.

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

When I was eight years old I saw a made-for-tv-movie that haunted my memory until I was into my 40s. All I could remember was that at one point a woman is placed on the ground with a large board over her body. A procession of what appeared to be pilgrim women came by and placed large stones on the board eventually crushing the woman to death. The point of view would change from a shot of the tortured woman’s face, to her view as she watched another stone being placed on the board. As an adult I talked to other people my age and they, too, could remember the scene but nothing else of the movie. Thankfully, years later, with the help of the internet, I was able to put my curiosity to rest. The movie is called Crowhaven Farm, a film about witchcraft and reincarnation. Apparently the “pilgrim women” were witches . I’ve still not viewed the movie as an adult, but I would love to see it again.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

There was one movie I saw on TV when I was a kid that (if my memory is serving me right) involved a bunch of college age kids (maybe with an adult or two?) going on a camping trip and being attacked and terrorized by some kind of monster/mad man/thing in the woods. The group was traveling in a camper and I think most of the film took place at night. It had to have been made in the 70s or maybe the late sixties and I’m pretty sure it was an American movie unless it was dubbed. I’ve always wanted to find out what it was since it scarred me silly and I couldn’t watch it all because my mom made go to bed before it ended. I’ve tried looking for it over the years, but I haven’t had any luck. If anyone knows what it is, I would love to know!

It’s quality over quantity week at The Horror Roundtable. If you can help any of this week’s participants, won’t you please ease their minds in the comments below? Or if you have your own Unholy Grail, drop us a line and we’ll see what we can do for you.

Name your very first horror movie memory.

Mark - Exclamation Mark’s SciFi/Horror Review

Ahhh, this is an easy one! As a child I stayed up late one night and caught a glimpse of It Came from Outer Space on television. I was fascinated, even then, by how the movie took on the aliens’ point of view (as if you were actually looking through the alien’s one big eye). For years I remembered those monsters’ point of view shots but could not remember the film they were featured in. It would be impossible to relate the joy I felt when I came across the film as an adult. It is still one of my all-time favorite sci-fi/horror flicks!

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I’m almost positive it’s watching King Kong vs. Godzilla on one of channel 11 WPIX’s Saturday monster-movie matinees. “My corns always hurt when they’re near a monster.”

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

It was with my brother and some girls he had brought home. He was probably 14 at the time and I was 10. He brought home some nubile young teenage girls, rented Friday the 13th, and I hung out with them and watched. All I remember is that at one point I was sitting on one of their laps… funny thing how I always loved horror from that moment on. The next summer I had my mom rent me “Halloween 2″ from the video store. Michael Myers scared the shit out of me so badly that I couldn’t sleep for the entire summer. I was literally looking over my shoulder for him every second. I couldn’t get enough. In many ways I feel that horror fans all have a similar experience when they were really young that has left a large impression on them.

Billy

When I was a kid, my dad always worked midnights or afternoons so I never got to see him. I was pretty much raised by my mom, and we had our little routine every week. Once a week we would go to the Blue Star and share a roast beef sandwhich with mashed potatoes and peas. And every night we would watch Wonder Woman and eat spaghetti because it was all we could afford. But every friday night was the one I looked forward to the most, because it was horror night on Buffalo 19. The earliest one I remember watching was with my mom and it was entitled SSSSSSSSSS (forgive the incorrect spelling, I’m sure I’m missing some S’s). In it, a scientist was trying to figure out how to regrow people’s lost limbs by injecting them with this concoction he made from snake blood, but in the process he ended up turning his test subjects into snakes instead!

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what was first, but my earliest horror movie memories are of Disney’s Watcher in the Woods (rented in a giant white clamshell case from the local Consumer’s Distributing outlet), which scared the crap out of me, and a double-feature of Universal’s Frankenstein and Dracula, which my parents recorded on our gargantuan, 1970s-model VCR. I watched ‘em every weekend for quite some time.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Not being allowed to see them!! When I was very young, we lived near Columbus, Ohio, and as I recall the newspaper typically featured at least a full two-page spread of nothing but movie ads–the kind that Scary Monsters magazine does such a wonderful job of reprinting. Anyway, I wasn’t even allowed to look at those. Unless I’m very much mistaken, I was staring wide-eyed at an ad for Young Frankenstein the first time the “movie pages” were ripped from my hands and the taboo was laid down for me in no uncertain terms. Look at me now! Ah parents, when will they ever learn?

JA - My New Plaid Pants

This is actually something that’s driven me crazy for years and years and I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer to it. When I was maybe six or seven years old, I sneaked into the room where my parents were watching a werewolf movie, and it totally traumatized me - had to sleep with the light on for years afterwards - but I’ve never figured out what movie it was. At this point I can’t even offer enough of what I do remember to go on, just some camera-angles and lighting stuff that’s hardly specific but I’d know it if I saw it again. For a long time I thought it was Neil Jordan’s The Company of Wolves, guessing from the cover-art of that snout-erupting mouth which seemed familiar, but then I saw TCoW and it wasn’t right at all. It has to be from the same time period, or a little earlier. Agh, I’ll never know!

Kimberly - Cinebeats

Watching one of the Hammer Dracula films with my dad on TV when I was only around 7 years old. I believe it was Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, but naturally I can’t remember much of the details at all except Christopher Lee’s scary fang-filled grimace. I was totally terrified of Christoper Lee and I spent most of the movie hiding my face in my dad’s armpit. Lee gave me my first movie scares and he’ll always hold a special place in my horror loving heart for that.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

Seeing TOURIST TRAP for the first time on some sort of CREATURE FEATURE late night program. Even to this day those images of the mannequins still freak me out.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

I remember hanging down a flight of stairs using my feet as anchors to sneak a viewing of Howard Hawks’ The Thing on UHF while my parents were blissfully unaware that the carrot monster was warping me forever. I’m sure there were previous exposures to horror, but that was the one I remember best.

Nathan - MicroHorror

Aw, hell. I was an over-sensitive coward when I was a kid. A friend put on the ‘78 version of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” at a sleepover party and I had to go hide. Seeing “Beetlejuice” in the theater scared the crap out of me. Even “Young Frankenstein” was too much in parts.

It’s a good thing I’m so much better adjusted now, right?

Louis - Damaged 2.0

The first film I ever saw in my life, that I fully remember, was when I was three, and it was AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. My dad was a cop in Houston when I a little kid, and he’d get home about nine or so and my mom would have dinner for him and, we’d just gotten cable, so they’d watch a movie before going to bed. Normally, they’d let me stay up because I’d end up falling asleep, but the first movie I ever watched the whole thing of was the aforementioned AMERICAN WEREWOLF, and it can easily be said that it set me on a certain path. I wasn’t scared (no, the first film that truly freaked me the fuck out would come a few months later, in the form of POLTERGEIST), and my dad explained to me that it was all fantasy, latex make-up and what-not.

Funny enough, the third film I ever watched all of was A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, in that same month. Maybe my parents thought I wouldn’t remember all that? Joke’s on them!

Rony

My very first horror movie memory was when I a kid, I was able to see the drive-in screen from my bedroom window. I was able to watch the first Child’s Play movie. I couldn’t sleep that night but who cares, the movie was awesome!

Awww. I bet you were all cute little tykes, like the Little Rascals or Devil Times Five. Thanks once again to the Horror Roundtable crew, and welcome back Exclamation Mark! If you’re willing, please leave your own early horror memories in the comments below.