Describe your worst Halloween costume.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

One year, as a small child, I went as Steve Austin from THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. It was one of those cheesy, plastic facemask deals with the pull over vinyl outfit. It made me itch and the mask smelled funny. It was truly, truly a miserable costume.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I didn’t really have the wherewithal to do anything fancy or elaborate during my college years. Worst of all was probably one October when I was dead broke and ass-deep in classwork, and hadn’t planned to do anything at all, but then some friends offered me a few bucks to haul my karaoke machine across campus for their party. How could I say no? Of course I was obligated to get a costume at that point, but there were only a couple of days left before Halloween, so I had no choice but to hit the discount costume warehouse. The only thing there that fit both my budget and my mighty girth was a cheesy black-and-white striped prisoner suit. Weak, yo.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

In second grade I went as “Michaelangelo” from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… only my parents couldn’t afford a real costume so I made it myself. The shell was the top to a cardboard box flattened out and colored like a turtle shell, we died a pair of sweatpants green and cut up an orange towel as my mask. My parents always remember it fondly but I just remember it as the year I had the ghetto ass Halloween costume. I never got the official merchandise when I was a kid, which is probably why I waste so much damn money on it now. Such is life though I guess.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I like to think that when I do dress up, the results are pretty bangin’–just by way of a for instance, my “douchebag” costume from last year, featuring an offensive t-shirt, stonewashed jeans, and a skeevy mustache was sufficiently douche-tastic to make my wife refuse to look at me until I’d shaved the ’stache off. So I’d have to say that my worst Halloween costumes come from the years when I don’t have one.

Jeff O’Brien

As a kid I made a robot out of an old cardboard box that a giant picture tube TV was shipped in. Went all out, dials and gauges and buttons and the works. Two steps and I turtled and could not get up. Could not go out until the bottom of it was sawed off…

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Getting drunk on Halloween night should only be done AFTER you apply your zombie make-up. Sadly, I didn’t learn this lesson until just last year. I was… enthusiastic… as I applied the make-up, that much is sure, but about ten minutes after leaving the house I wanted to take a pumice stone to my face and scrub until skull showed. Most uncomfortable night ever.

Louis Fowler

Growing up poor, but loving Halloween, it was always a matter of homegrown improvisation. I would make my own fake blood and patch together costumes from whatever I could find. Like one year, when I was 8 or 9, I wore a bathrobe and covered it in blood and pretended to be a guy who murdered his wife early in the morning. I even carried a bloodied newspaper. But the worst was in 1989, I think I was maybe 10, when I really wanted to be the Joker. Batman had came out earlier that summer, and I was obsessed, so I raked a few neighbor’s leaves and got enough money to buy some white face paint and some lipstick and really fucked it up when I put it on. Also, for the costume, I wore jeans and a bright green button-up shirt. I kind of looked like a deranged clown on his day off. I got made fun at school, especially when a kid came dressed EXACTLY like the Joker,in full costume. It sucked so bad that I didn’t even go trick-or-treating. In retrospect though, I realized, like in all things I do, that I was simply ahead of my time–look at Heath Ledger’s interpretation of the Joker in the upcoming Batman sequel, all crazy and smeared. If that had been the Joker then, I would have had it made.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

When I was a kid I would constantly beg my mom for really scary and expensive monster masks sold at a local toy store. Of course my mom (who hated horror movies) always wanted to dress me up as a princess or clown and we could never afford the good costumes, so we had lots of nasty fights which usually ended with her buying me a costume that I didn’t pick out for myself. The worst costume she ever got me was a cheap plastic Mary Poppins outfit made by Disney. I can remember telling my mom that it was awful and looked nothing like Mary Poppins. I had to wear the hideous thing to school for our annual “Junior Halloween Parade” where the teachers would parade the young kids through the high-school where the older kids would vote on who had the best costume. When my class got to the first high-school classroom all the teenagers started laughing. I suddenly realized they were all laughing at ME and pointing at my crappy Mary Poppins costume. Naturally I started crying and ran into the bathroom where I refused to come out. My teacher had to call my mom to come and pick me up. When my mom arrived I refused to talk to her on the drive home. On the bright side, after that traumatic event I was able to wear just about anything I wanted on Halloween and my mom helped me make a ghost costume out of a bed sheet that night so I could go trick-or-treating since I refused to go outside again in the Mary Poppins costume.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Probably the cheap, shitty plastic Spider-Man costume bought from Zellers when I was a wee lad. Not only are those half-assed costumes ridiculous, the mask edges were sharp and chafed my face, the elastic holding it on snapped and stung my hand, and, worst of all, it got all humid and smelly from breathing in it all night. Yet, when I inevitably sat on it and it shattered, I was still sad.

Ben Cooper has a lot to answer for. Thanks once again to all the lil’ trick or treaters who make up the Horror Roundtable. And, as always, if you have your own costume horror story you’d like to share please do so in the comments below.

Describe your least favourite Halloween experience.

Rony

Worst halloween I ever had would be when I was younger I got sick and couldn’t go out trick or treating. I would’ve went regardless but parents stopped me, damn it!!

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I remember getting all dressed up as the Crow in high school and not ending up having anywhere to go to show off. I just ended up opening the door for trick or treaters on my mom’s behalf. None of them recognized me. Fail.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

When I was like 7 or 8, my mom made me dress up as a “Gloworm.” The fellow 80’s kids/parents will know what I’m talking about. Not only was the costume less than manly (or cool) but the mask made it hard to see where I was walking. So I’m walking down my neighbor’s stairs, guessed wrong as to how many stairs there were, and ended up face first on the sidewalk. So now not only am I dressed up like a gloworm, but I’m crying. I can’t believe I just told that story.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

The moment you go to bed and realize that the next day Halloween will be back in 365 days. I hate that moment.

Nathan - MicroHorror

You’re a grown-up now; there’s no denying it. As much as you’d love to go out trick-or-treating, you decide that you’re going to be responsible for once. You’re going to stay at home on Halloween so that you can give out candy to the new generation and teach them how much fun Halloween should be. Here’s how your evening goes.

5:00 PM: Your costume is on and your decorations are up. The CD of spooky music and sound effects is playing on your stereo. You’ve taken your post by the door. Beside you is a gigantic bowl of candy– the good stuff, not those horrible black-and-orange taffies. You’re ready.

5:15 PM: No trick-or-treaters yet. They’re probably just getting a late start.

5:30 PM: Still no trick-or-treaters. The candy in the bowl is starting to look mighty tasty.

5:45 PM: Where are they? Since you paid for the candy, you figure you’re entitled to just a piece or two.

5:50 PM: Or three. Or eight.

6:15 PM: You’re downright bored by now. If you start watching a DVD, you’ll still be able to hear the doorbell if it rings.

6:20 PM: You put in a horror DVD you got from NetFlix, sit in your easy chair and start watching.

6:23 PM: You go back to the front door, get the bowl of candy, bring it back to your chair and resume the movie.

6:45 PM: The movie doesn’t seem all that good, but maybe it’ll get better.

7:30 PM: This movie sucks.

8:10 PM: The movie is over. Most of the candy in the bowl has vanished mysteriously, and a pile of candy wrappers has appeared next to you. Still no trick-or-treaters. Maybe the other horror DVD you got from NetFlix will be better.

9:45 PM: No, that movie sucked too.

10:00 PM: You turn off the porch light. Goddamn kids today don’t know what Halloween is about. You take off the costume and start getting ready for bed. You vow that next year, you’ll spend your time productively and throw eggs at cars.

3:23 AM: The doorbell rings. You swear under your breath, roll over and go back to sleep.

Jeff O’Brien

Being in tears as a little kid wearing a dorky costume instead of the ones my friends wore that i thought were so cool.

Louis Fowler

The time I got molested.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I’m sure we all share this one: the year you realize you’re too old to trick-or-treat. I don’t recall exactly how old I was, but what a bummer. Few things in life signal the end of childhood more painfully than your first Halloween night at home. Luckily, drunken Halloween house parties more than made up for it a few years later.

Stacie - Final Girl

Man that’s an easy one. When I was in first grade, I dressed up as the Incredible Hulk- it was one of those Ben Cooper costumes, the kind that came in a box. We kiddies got to wear our costumes to school and towards the end of the day we had a big party. Everyone arranged their desks around the room, forming a giant circle. Everyone had a little plate and the teacher passed out candy and other goodies. I remember sitting in my chair, pushed far away from my desk, not enjoying the snacks like everyone else was because something JUST WASN’T RIGHT. By the time I figured out what was going on, it was far too late: I made it to the classroom door before I before I barfed all over the place. I kind of stood there, and at that moment a parade of kindergarteners came by to show off their costumes; they couldn’t get into our class because of the mess I made in the doorway- they all hurried by curious and horrified. I got sick some more and eventually made my way to the nurse’s office…my mom came and picked me up and took me home. No trick or treating for me that year, but I did at least get to participate in the “joy” of handing out candy to all the other neighborhood kids- just what every first grader wants to do on Halloween. One ruined Hulk costume, no candy, and the humiliation of upchucking in front of all my classmates! Yay!

Worst. Halloween. EVARRR.

And on that happy note this edition of The Horror Roundtable draws to a close. Thanks to all the ghouls and goblins who contributed their horror stories this week. Make sure you check out their sites in the links above, and if you have your own tales of Halloween terror won’t you share them below?

Describe your least favourite Halloween candy.

Jeff O’Brien.

These little menthol tasting semi-clear mints that the old British lady on our block used to hand out. Mothballs would taste better!

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Candy corn. Fact: it was never meant to be eaten, but was created for decorative purposes only.

Paul Corupe

Stale popcorn sweepings with a sweet pink candy coating AND a cheap plastic toy inside? Now I know why they added an asterisk after “Lucky.”

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Pretty much anything with coconut. Not only does it taste like you’re chewing plastic, but I’ve got to wonder about someone who would choose this as the candy they are going to hand out to children on Halloween. You’re almost saying, “I hate you and want you to suffer” by making that choice. I’d rather get one of those razors my mom was always warning me about.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

That’s an easy one: those sick-ass, puke green/brown filling-destroying toffees in the orange wrapper with the cats and bats on ‘em. I think this is one with updated packaging. The only thing worse than getting those little barf pills were getting raisins. Anyone heinous enough to give children raisins might as well hand out little signs that read “Egg my house, I’m an asshole!”

Nathan - MicroHorror

I’m sure somebody is going to name Mary Janes, but I’ll give them a preemptive defense since I like those little guys. I dig the molasses flavor, don’cha know– that’s why Goldenberg’s Peanut Chews are the best candy ever. But we’re not here to talk about good candy today. No, we’re here to talk about bad candy. And for the ultimate in bad candy, nothing can dethrone the Unholy Duo of Circus Peanuts and Necco Wafers.

Ostensibly, Circus Peanuts are banana-flavored, but I never would have known that if I hadn’t just looked it up. No, instead the two most prominent flavors in a Circus Peanut are Artificial and Nasty. (ArtiNasty? NastiFicial?) They’re simultaneously bitter and cloyingly sweet, with maybe just a hint of mildew. The texture of a Circus Peanut, of course, is no better than the taste. They look like they might have the satisfying rubbery resistance of a marshmallow, but instead your teeth just sort of melt through, and once inside your mouth the Peanut sucks up your saliva and dissolves into a lumpy, gritty slime. Finally, you swallow, and are left with nothing but the aftertaste of despair.

Necco Wafers, on the other hand, come in eight different flavors, but they’re all bad. Necco.com lists them as orange, lemon, lime, clove, chocolate, cinnamon, licorice, and wintergreen. I don’t need to go into any further detail, on the grounds that several of these are obviously bad flavors to begin with, and trying to recreate them artificially can only end in heartbreak and tragedy. In any event, once the elves (Gnomes? Kobolds? Trolls?) in the magical Necco tree have created these wretched flavors, they apply them to… well… chalk. There’s no beating around the bush here. It’s just like chewing on the colored chalk you stole in first grade when Mrs. Gottlieb wasn’t watching: powdery and dry. Only now, it tastes like wintergreen and clove.

Frankly, if these are supposed to be treats, I’ll take the trick.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

Tootsie Rolls. I always used to have a ton of them sitting in the bottom of candy bag after Halloween. They were the last thing I would eat when all the good stuff was gone. They’re supposed to taste like chocolate, but nothing could be further from the truth. Blah!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but you know that peanut butter taffy-type shit that is wrapped in blank black and orange wrappers? Goddamn is that shit nasty. I don’t think it has an official name, but they are always the last thing you eat after you’ve eaten all the good stuff, and even then, you’re just doing it out of obligation to Choknoog, the God of Candy.

Gary Wintle

I respect the tradition and all, but those light brown taffies with the orange and black wrappers are the worst crap candies ever. Give me the ol’ apple with a razor blade any day.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Candy Corn is what bile would taste like if it were taken straight from the stomach of a month-dead corpse and reshaped into that familiar conical shape using Elmer’s Glue.

Rony

The worst halloween candy ever is that gross toffee stuff that has the orange and black wrapper with bats and moons on the wrapper. You know which one I’m talking about. you get it ever year and ever year it tastes like someone has shit directly into your mouth. I don’t know one living soul who enjoys that garbage.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

Children under eight years of age.

Too much “baby fat.” I’m watching my weight.

Doug Nagy

I hate the small bags of chips. It is not even candy, and hardly a bag of chips!

Three out of five Canadians agree, Allan kisses are shit. Thanks to this week’s contributors. They’ve suffered so you don’t have to. If you have your own Halloween candy horror stories, please feel free to share in the comments below.

Share a Halloween tip.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Never ever ever toilet paper the house of the local crazy cat lady… that’s just my small piece of advice.

Nathan - MicroHorror

Here’s my best Halloween advice: No matter how old you are, there’s no reason to stop trick-or-treating. If you like candy, go out and get some. Don’t let the youngsters hog all the fun.

But for Pete’s sake, wear a costume. And I don’t mean something you paid ten bucks for on October 30. Put some effort into it, or at least some creativity. When I publish my own personalized dictionary, the entry for “pathetic” is going to have a picture next to it of an orange T-shirt with the words “This is my costume.”

Have fun.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

When inserting pins into an apple, put them in through the top or bottom, near the core, so the kids won’t notice the holes. [Editor’s note: Kids, don’t eat anything that isn’t factory sealed, hasn’t been checked by your parents or was given to you by Dave.]

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

This is more sentimental advice than anything, but it’s about pumpkins. Personally, although I’m impressed by those fancy pumpkin “templates” you can use to make insaley detailed carvings, there’s nothing more endearing to me than a crooked toothed, off-kilter pumpkin face. I guess it just reminds me of my childhood and my own bad carving jobs, but it’s good to keep things old school sometimes. Especially if you have kids, let them mess up and have fun with it. Other than that, don’t give away Mounds to Trick or Treaters, those things are nasty, and you’re severely increasing your chances of being egged.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Be kind to the vegetarian trick-or-treaters out there and avoid giving out candy that has gelatin in it. Gelatin comes from animal tissue, which means that any time you’re eating gummi bears or skittles or whatnot, you’re eating meat! Those of us who don’t eat meat but have a TOTALLY FREAKING RAVENOUS SWEET-TOOTH (ahem) will thank you for sticking to non-gelatinous goodies.

Doug Nagy

When trick or treating always wrap your candy bag around your hand a few times. That way it is not easily swiped by thieves.

Rony

Here’s a tip you all might already know but I’ll tell it anyways. If you like scaring kids as much as I do, then you know it’s getting pretty hard to do it because the damned kids are getting wise to it. So to make yourself look really fake, use newspaper to stuff yourself and make sure that it’s totally uneven along the limbs. You can even make it look like the legs/arms are broken which throws off the little boogers. Also, if you are wearing boots, a good trick is to not put one of the boots on completely and have it bend to the side to make it look like the boot fell off. Happy Scares Everyone!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Whenever sneaking into an old abandoned house for a night of Halloween partyin’, dope smokin’ and fornicatin’, do some research. It might save your life.

Was a family killed in that house on that very night 25 years ago? Did it used to belong to the town’s resident misunderstood witch, who was murdered by an angry mob? Are there rumors that maybe there’s a gateway to Hell in the basement? Was the house built by reliable contractors who wouldn’t stuff a dead construction worker in the walls? And what about that silent killer, radon?

Take a little time out to go to your local library to research the history of the place and not only will I guarantee you a bitchin’ party, but one where the only person who’ll end up dead is the skanky sorority slut who gets alcohol poisoning.

Also look out for meth-addled bums.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

If you want to create a really spectacular Jack-o’-lantern for Halloween I highly recommend spending some extra money on a Pumpkin Carving Kit. After struggling with a kitchen knife and various household tools for years, I finally broke down a bought a special Pumpkin Carving Kit at my local Woolworth’s a couple of years ago and the results have been mighty impressive. They’re easy to use and you can really get creative with your pumpkin carving. Pumpkin Master makes some good products and they also have a website (www.pumpkinmasters.com) with lots of carving tips. Pumpkin carving parties can be a lot of fun and I recommend getting some friends together to carve pumpkins while you watch horror movies a day or two before Halloween.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

This is my first year with a child old enough to really dig Halloween, so my biggest tip is this. Remember EVERYTHING you loved about the holiday as a kid, and then do it. So what…I’m 39 years old but I’m gonna be the best 5 foot 5 inch EL SANTO ever.

EVER!!!

Thanks to all the cute little trick-or-treaters who helped dispense wisdom in this week’s Roundtable. Check out what else they have to say in their respective sites above, and if you have any sound advice please feel free to leave it in the comments below. And remember, if you’re afraid someone may try to steal your loot, make sure you collect all your pop cans in one bag for use as a makeshift weapon.

Describe your favourite fictional depiction of the Devil.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

NSFW.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Hands down, flat-out, no competition whatsoever, the mold to break all other molds: Satan from Milton’s Paradise Lost.

Here’s a nice little article that outlines some of the character’s appeal.

On the other hand (waaaay on the other hand!), here’s a nifty little fragment of a folktale which I believe was probably simply invented by Haruki Murakami:

The aged Devil sat on a rock by the side of a Finnish country road. The Devil was ten thousand, maybe twenty thousand years old, and very tired. He was covered in dust. His whiskers were wilting. Whither be ye gang in sich ‘aste? the Devil called out to a Farmer. Done broke me ploughshare and must to fixe it, the Farmer replied. Not to hurrie, said the Devil, the sunne still playes o’erhead on highe, wherefore be ye scurrying? Sit ye down and ‘eare m’ tale. The Farmer knew no good could come of passing time with the Devil, but seeing him so utterly haggard, the Farmer–

Paul Corupe - Canuxploitation

There’s lots of good ones, but you gotta pick Ernest Borgnine in The Devil’s Rain. Why? 1. It’s Ernest Borgnine, for chrissakes, 2. he’s goat-faced, and 3. his goat face melts. Let’s see Tim Curry pull just one of those off.

Honourable mention: Captain DeZita in Glen or Glenda? and Billy Crystal in Deconstructing Harry (now you know how he keeps getting work!)

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

I’m a pretty big fan of Randall Flagg from The Stand, Pazuzu from The Exorcist, and the big evil demon guy from the “Night on Bare Mountain” segment of Fantasia. None of them are the capital-D Devil per se, but the essential idea is there.

Jeff O’Brien

Belasco in the old Ka Zar comic where Ka Zar goes through Dante’s levels of Hell. Follow up would be Al Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Hands down it’s Al Pacino in “The Devil’s Advocate.” He is so good in that movie, that even Keanu Reeves and his disappearing accent couldn’t ruin it for me. His monologue at the end gets me every time. Pacino was by far the coolest depiction of the devil, but Tim Curry as “The Lord of Darkness” in “Legend” definitely gets an honorable mention for the best literal translation. The makeup job for that character is TERRIFYING.

Joakim - Mexploitation

Peter Stormare as Lucifer in “Constantine” is very good, as is Al Pacino in “The Devil’s Advocate”. Those are the more light-hearted ones, I can’t really think of a good “serious” fictional portrayal, although I’m totally convinced it should be possible to do and make very scary.

Donald May, Jr. - Synapse

Well, THE EXORCIST is one of my all-time favorite movies, but “the Devil” wasn’t really depicted as a visual being in that… but the atmosphere, and the Satanic reference, are the best in any film, in my opinion. As far as a “visual” depiction of “the Devil” I’d almost have to go with Alex de la Iglesia’s DAY OF THE BEAST… that scene with the circle and the demon was really amazing. Not too scary… just amazingly done. And the make-up was pretty awesome.

Nathan - MicroHorror

You know, it’s so easy to depict Satan as an over-the-top, cackling fiend. But if we posit that his goal really is to persuade all of humanity to bend to his will, don’t you think that he’d be a bit more suave? A bit more seductive? A bit more… polite?

Please allow me to introduce myself;
I’m a man of wealth and taste.

Jagger said it best.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

I love the woodcuts in old books depicting the devil as goat creature — always freaks me out a little. As such, I find the depiction of the Devil, using an actual goat, in Incubus (the Esperanto Bill Shatner flick from 1965) fantastically unnerving. Runners up: De Niro in Angel Heart, Peter Stormare in Constantine and some pieces of paper and the voice of Trey Parker in South Park.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

Not the most frightening or most realistic but Peter Cook from the original BEDAZZLED. That man had so much charisma and charm and yet at the same time you never knew what sort of card he had up his sleeve.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have to go with Peter Cook in Bedazzled. He cute, charming and really wicked. Everything I imagine the Devil would be if there was such a thing.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

As opposed to my favorite non-fictional Devil?

Fiction: It’s a toss-up between Tim Curry in Legend and Lucifer in the Bible, I guess. They both have such sculpted and smooth crimson pectorals, I dare not choose.

Smartass. Thanks to all my diabolical cohorts for another edition of the Horror Roundtable. Make sure you check out their sites, and if you can think of other worthy contenders please consider sharing them with us in the comments below.

Name the horror-related item which you have spent the most money on.

Nathan - MicroHorror

Oh, that’s easy. I know I mentioned the Supernatural Law impulse buy a while back, but the single most expensive item is my complete series of the black-and-white hardcover Gemstone reprints of Tales From the Crypt, The Vault of Horror and The Haunt of Fear. The black-and-white editions are out of print now, and Gemstone is releasing reprints in full color, but the oversized black-and-white printing just makes Graham Ingels’s inks look so damn good. The set cost me about $300 all told, but it was worth every penny.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

If I had to guess–and I do have to guess because I don’t keep track of these things and don’t really purchase anything more expensive than a DVD box set pretty much ever–I’d say the omnibus hardcover edition of Clive Barker’s Books of Blood. But now that I look I see that that was only $40, maybe $50 with shipping. So maybe the three-disc Dawn of the Dead set? But looking on Amazon that’s got a $50 list price, and there’s no way I paid list for it. Hm. I guess I’ve just never spent a lot of money on horror-related items.

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I’m not big on memorabilia anymore (too much crap in my basement) but i remember spending a few hundred bucks on a really good looking “Freddy Glove” about 12 years ago. It was hand-made and had real sharp knives for fingers. It was amazingly dangerous… and, of course, still sits on a child-accessible bookshelf in my place. HAH! No worries, though… no kids live here!

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Ooooh, this one’s easy. I’ve always been a huge fan of Chuck Jarman and “Bump in the Night Productions.” They’re a great little outfit that does some amazing mask and prop work (among lots of other stuff). Once they had some replica severed heads on sale that I think were left over from a movie shoot. The damn thing was like 275$, and I had no use for it whatsoever, so of course I picked it up. I did try and use it for a short film, but that never got finished and now it just sits in a box in my attic. It does make for a great story though, and I always get a laugh whenever I’m digging through boxes and I scare the shit out of myself when I find a severed head in one. Now, explaining this to new ladys in my life, that’s not quite as fun.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Aside from the mummified body of Vincent Price, which I use to drive in the carpool lane, I think it’s the original French/ Eyes Without a Face/half-sized poster I picked up at ComicCon this year. The seller marked it down to $125 from $180, and I spent almost $200 more getting it framed. I love it!

(As far as my Price corpse goes, I don’t even wanna tell you what I shelled out for the hermetically-sealed case to keep it in mint condition. Getting it dipped in UV-coating alone almost broke the bank!)

Jeff O’Brien

Probably my first GOOD VCR back in the day so I specifically watch cool horror films like American Werewolf, The Thing, Dawn of the Dead etc.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

I have been lucky enough to find most of my horror junk at reasonable enough prices. I’ve probably spent the most on DVDs–box sets, bootlegs, etc. The Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th box sets come to mind immediately.

That’s a boring answer, I know.

OK. If it was possible, I’d totally pay a couple of hundred bucks for a night with Tiffany Shepis.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

Ya know, thinking about it all, I would have to say my major horror expenditure over the years has been all the horor mags I’ve purchased. Individually not a lot (unless I’m looking for that one must-have thing to fill out a space in my Famous Monsters or Eerie collections) but overall it adds up into a big amount. I’ve been reading Fangoria since the beginning so yeah… oh my god.

I need to go throw up…excuse me.

And on that shameful note, we conclude this week’s Roundtable. Please show your appreciation by checking out the sites linked to above, and we’ll see you next week.

Name a horror-related experience from the past that you would have liked to have witnessed.

Jeff O’Brien

Real life horror - Hindenburg coming down, Titanic going down, Monica Lewinsky going down…

Movie related… I’d like to have been on set for one of those seventies drive in flicks during the shoot. Any one. John Ashley film, Herschell Gordon Lewis… that would have been fun.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

To me, as someone born in the early 80’s, I always feel like I just barely missed out on a golden age when Slasher sequels were as common as well… oxygen. There were some magical years in the early to late 80’s when you very well could have seen a new Halloween, Nightmare on Elm St and Friday the 13th all in the same year. Sure not all of them were great, but man that must have been a fun time to be a horror fan. One of my earliest horror memories is seeing a trailer for a new Friday the 13th sequel on television. The feeling of wonderment and fascination is still with me all these years later.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Remember when the big thing about a horror movie was people fainting or vomiting in the audience? Like, that was the indicator that holy shit, this was a scary movie? I’m not 100% convinced that that EVER happened, but if it did, I would like to have seen it.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I can think of three great eras of horror that I missed on account of being born about eighty years too late. Two of these experiences we can recreate today without much difficulty, but one is lost forever.

As an actor with a versatile voice, it saddens me deeply that I missed the golden age of radio. If I had been around in the 1930s or ’40s, I think I could have been right there in the studios, maybe even alongside greats like Orson Welles, Arch Oboler, Vincent Price and Peter Lorre, dramatizing stories to terrify thousands of listeners on shows like “Lights Out,” “Price of Fear” and “The Creaking Door.” Fortunately, many of these shows survive on archival recordings, so we can still enjoy them today.

Moving forward to the early 1950s, we find a young man named Bill Gaines taking over the publishing house he inherited from his late father and teaming up with Al Feldstein to begin the golden age of horror comics. What I wouldn’t give to have been a fly on the wall at the EC Comics offices, and to have seen artists like Jack Davis, Jack Kamen, Graham Ingels and Feldstein himself creating those delicious and gruesome images. The enthusiasm and creativity bouncing around that place must have been amazing. Sadly, that era lasted only a few short years before EC was effectively destroyed by the efforts of jealous competing publishers, the United States Congress and archfiend Fredric Wertham, but many of the best comics of that age, including EC’s output, are still available in reprints.

But while we can still listen to old time radio shows and read classic comic books, we’ll never be able to see the horror plays of Le Théâtre du Grand-Guignol. In the early twentieth century, this tiny Paris theater was famous for its bleak and horrifying short plays, mostly written by André de Lorde, which featured bloody climaxes and grotesque special effects. An average of two patrons fainted every evening. Paula Maxa was a star performer at the Grand Guignol, and over the course of her career was murdered on stage more than ten thousand times in at least sixty different ways. The theater closed in 1962 after a lengthy period of artistic decline, and most of its scripts have been lost to history. Even the mechanics of some of its makeup and special effects techniques died with the people who created them. The Grand Guignol is one horror experience that we’ll never be able to see the same way our ancestors did.

Billy

Ok, while not “horror” per sé, I’d have to say WW2. There’s something about seeing a dog fight above your city, cheering your side on or watching in horror as your guys get shot down, that both terrifies me and fascinates me at the same time.

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Damn there are about a million answers to this question! I think if I had to choose just one, I would want to be there while Hitchcock filmed the shower scene from Psycho. Not to get a look at Janet Leigh’s knockers or anything - obviously - but just to be there and see the most iconic scene in horror film history get captured. And I’d sit on Alfred’s lap and we’d talk and laugh and tickle each other’s earlobes.

T Van - Tolerated Vandalism

I wish I could go back to the summer of 1979 and witness Dawn of the Dead in its original theatrical run. Preferably at a drive-in with Ridey Scott’s Alien. It couldn’t get much better than witnessing Romero’s masterpiece at a drive-in.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

The horror show hosts of the 50’s through to the early 80’s. I would have dug to see Ghouladi or Vampire back then just for the sheer experience and love of it. Especially in the 50’s when there was the whole Universal horror revival taking place.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

The Hindenburg disaster — now that would’ve been horrifying!

Oh, wait, that’s probably not what you meant. Hmm, there are so many choices…

I wish I could’ve attended a Grand Guignol performance at the height of the theatre’s popularity. A second choice would be seeing Karloff made up as Frankenstein for the very first time. And a third pick would be witnessing Ed Wood shoot Plan 9.

And of course, I think I speak for all of us when I say, nothing would be more electrifying than watching Steve create The Horror Blog: “It’s alive… IT’S ALIIIVE!”

Actually it was more like “Hm. Bored. thehorrorblog.com isn’t taken? Ha. That’s hilarious!” So what floats your boat, dear readers? Let the Roundtable crew know in the comments below.

Name a horror director or actor who has left the genre who you would like to see return.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

Not exactly a horror director per se, but I for one would like to see what horror looks like to Christopher Nolan (Memento, Batman Begins, The Prestige). I think he would have an interesting take on any horror subject and would certainly bring new focus and life to the genre.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Peter Jackson. His most full-fledged horror efforts were firmly in a splatstick/horror-comedy vein, and it’s only in films like Heavenly Creatures, The Lord of the Rings, and King Kong that we’ve seen his real ability to frighten and horrify, as well as one of the boldest horror imaginations in the cinema. I’d love to see him go all out.

Stacie - Final Girl

I’d love to see Mark Rosman, who directed the superior 1983 slasher House on Sorority Row, return to horror. He’s been working on stuff aimed at tweens, like Lizzie McGuire ever for years now. House, in fact, seems to be his only foray into the scary stuff.

Same goes for George Mihalka, who helmed My Bloody Valentine in ‘81. It’s one of my favorite slasher films, and I’d love to get something new from the director.

I’m waiting anxiously for the day the awesome Amy Steel returns to horror. I’m on pins and needles, I tells ya!

Jeff O’Brien

David Cronenberg.

Nathan - MicroHorror

The directors whom I’d most like to see return to horror have all had a very good excuse for ending their careers, but any method that could allow Alfred Hitchcock, Don Dohler or even Ed Wood to resume making movies would probably have some very problematic unintended consequences.

So now that we’ve discounted the dead, allow me to ask this: Whither Peter Jackson? With the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and to a lesser extent with King Kong, he’s proven himself a master of big-budget, epic fantasy action and adventure, and this is a niche we need someone to fill now that George Lucas has proven himself senile and Steven Spielberg just doesn’t seem to give a crap anymore. I certainly don’t begrudge Mr. Jackson his recent success. But at the same time, I miss the Peter Jackson of the ’80s and ’90s, the young Peter Jackson, the utterly and gleefully mad Peter Jackson, the Peter Jackson who could fill a screen with a comic gorefest like Braindead or a gross-out extravaganza like Meet the Feebles. If I could, I’d give Jackson a hundred thousand dollars, a digital camera and a swimming pool full of fake blood, and tell him to go have fun. I think he’s still got it in him.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Unfortunately because of the horror celebrity culture that has bloomed over the last 10 years, there’s almost no one who’s a big name in the genre who hasn’t become reconnected with it in some way. Sometimes it works out great, but some times it turns out that they should have stayed where they were. For me though, I would love to see John Carpenter, specifically circa 1983, resurface again. I know he’s got some stuff in the pipeline, and he’s done some Masters of Horror stuff, but to see him continue along the lines of “Halloween,” “The Fog,” and “The Thing” would be pretty amazing. He could show the “shock and awe” filmmakers of today a thing or two about good old fashioned suspense.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

Is Larry Cohen a good enough answer? He’s been writing some awesome high-concept screenplays for films like CELLULAR and, um, PHONE BOOTH, but I would love to see him return to directing gritty, low-budget classics that have ingenious ideas and twists. He did it with films like IT’S ALIVE, THE STUFF and GOD TOLD ME TO, I’m sure that if he got a little funding he oculd get back in the game. His creativity is sorely missed.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Jeez, it’s tough to think of anyone aside from Raimi or Cronenberg, really, which says a lot about the ability of filmmakers either not being able to escape the genre or not wanting to. I’d love to see another genre pic from John D. Hancock, who made one of the coolest and most atmospheric flicks out there, 1971’s Let’s Scare Jessica to Death.

There are also a whack of Canadian guys who made cool horror pics back in the day that kinda disappeared down the made-for-TV rabbit hole. Namely William Fruet (Death Weekend), George Mihalka (My Bloody Valentine) and Sandor Stern (Pin).

Or what about the Fulci guy? He really hasn’t been up to much lately. Hmmm….

JA - My New Plaid Pants

Can I get a new Sam Raimi horror movie? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease? Now that he’s made his billions off of Spiderman Underoos, I think it’s high time he set about causing children to crap in them. From being scared, that is.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I have to mention Philip Ridley even though he’s not a typical horror director. He’s only made two feature films in the past 18 years (The Reflecting Skin and The Passion of Darkly Noon), but I think he’s an amazing talent and I really wish he would make more movies. I honestly think his film The Reflecting Skin is one of the greatest horror films made in the past 20 years, but it’s an unconventional movie that seems to confuse critics and divide audiences.

David Z. - Tomb It May Concern

The last few years have already seen the return of Lamberto Bava (with Ghost Son and The Torturer), so I’m going to go with Michele Soavi. He has been plenty active in the last few years, but has not had any films that feature people being smashed by trains until their face resembles the consistency of oatmeal while trying to escape a demon possessed church in a while.

Of course, I live in hope that Al Festa (Fatal Frames) will make a triumphant comeback as well.

What does it say that know one chose the ‘actor’ option? Won’t somebody show some love to the actors in the comments below? Thanks, as always, to the stalwart members of the roundtable. If you’ve never visited their respective sites you’re really missing out. Why are you still reading this? Go.

Setting Zombies on Fire: Decent Strategy or Horrible Mistake? Discuss.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

I think it’s a good strategy. Once they turn to bloody mush and ashes it is less likely that they’ll be able to come after you. Just make sure that you have an escape route planned out before you set them on fire. If they’re fast moving zombies it could take them awhile to burn up and melt so they may continue to come after you at full speed and spread fire everywhere.

Curt - Beyond The Groovy Age of Horror

Depends on whether they’re close enough to grab you!

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I think it’s a horrible mistake because all they do is flop around and spread the fire. You risk burning up YOURSELF and your surroundings. Not to mention the burning flesh stinks!

A good shot right to the head is the cleanest way to dispatch a zombie.

T Van - Tolerated Vandalism

Setting zombies on fire is a decent strategy. In fact, it’s a brilliant strategy. If you can get your hands on a flame thrower, torch the fuckers. You have a better shot at eliminating more of these brain eating nutjobs with fire than you do with bullets. Shoot them in the head? That’s a good strategy if you’re a good marksmen. Even a monkey could operate a flame thrower [assuming you can find a monkey who owns a flame thrower]. I believe there is a good example of setting zombies on fire in the remake of Dawn of the Dead. They use propane instead of a flame thrower though. At least Hank Hill would be proud.

Red Hawk - Happy Horror

That would probably depend on the situation you’re in. If you have no danger of being grabbed by an animated torch with teeth, then it’s probably a great idea. If you’re in a tight corner, with no hope of getting out, or in a nature area, you should probably stick to head trauma.

Rony

Setting a zombie on fire is one of the dumbest things you can do. It’s the biggest rookie mistake out there along side of shooting them in the body. A regular zombie is bad enough but setting a zombie ablaze is like creating a super zombie because now everything it touches is gonna get torched. The only proper way to set zombies on fire would be to use Napalm and completely vaporize the damned things. So all in all ZOMBIE + FIRE = RUN AWAY!!!!

Nathan - MicroHorror

Both the value and the danger of fire have been long known to humanity, arguably since before we became human in the first place. Once we learned how to harness this force, we quickly began using it for diverse purposes including illuminating our surroundings, cooking our food, warming our homes… and, yes, as a weapon. Now that we find ourselves in the twenty-first century and in perpetual peril of the walking dead, let us review the best strategies for using fire offensively and defensively against these rotting monstrosities.

First, take a close look at your surroundings. How flammable are the contents of the area, and how capable are you of controlling a fire? Start fires only in open areas with no flammable or explosive items. The last thing you want is to be trapped in a burning building with the walking dead outside. Remember also that some creatures are insensate, and so may continue to approach despite being on fire, which will effectively bring the fire to you.

Second, determine the nature of the enemy. Determine whether the creatures are sentient, or if they are propelled only by instinct. Do they have a sense of self-preservation? If so, a stationary bonfire may repel them. If not, they may walk blindly into the flames, which can be desirable, but could also result in their continuing to approach while burning, as mentioned earlier. Creatures with high relative degrees of intelligence may be able to avoid the fire, or worse extinguish it.

Third, learning what caused the dead to rise will also give you useful information when determining the advisability of fire. If the creatures are animated by voodoo or similar necromantic magic, fire will likely be of use. Cases of animation caused by a virus or other microorganism are also good targets for fire-based warfare, as the heat will most likely destroy the organism. Most forms of radiation can, for all intents and purposes, be treated as magic. Use extreme caution, however, in cases of chemical animation. The burning of corpses animated by certain reanimating chemicals, notably 2-4-5 trioxin, has been known to result in contamination of the local atmosphere. The chemical can then be redistributed by rain, resulting in further animation.

In summation, fire can be a very effective weapon against the walking dead under certain circumstances, but if uncontrolled can do more harm than good. Always practice proper fire safety, and keep matches and lighters out of the reach of children.

Billy

ZOMG something I can actually discuss.

This is an extremely important discussion because we all know that the zombie disease IS gonna come. I’m sure I can find some crazy conspiracy theorist who has evidence to back me up, but until then you just have to trust me. Fire is a situational thing when it comes to zombies. You have to judge how far away from flammable materials and how valuable these things are to you. If the zombies are attacking you in your house, bad idea. If they’re attacking you in the middle of a street then flame on!

Molotov cocktails are as “low tech” as you want to get. Getting within arms reach with a torch will only earn you a Darwin Award. If you can somehow get your hands on a flame thrower you’ll want to save your resources for emergencies. Assuming the zombie-geddon comes we can assume that flame thrower factories won’t be pumping out more ammunition for awhile. So wait till you lure a bunch of zombies into a zombie trap and then toss some napalm justice on their asses.

Still, your two best sources of de-zombification are machetes and shotguns, and some close friends who will keep your back safe!

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Hmm… seems like a bad idea to me. Follow me on this one. You set zombies on fire, you run into your house, and inevitably they will shamble up to your doorway to investigate what has happened to their meal. Now, your house is on fire. I will give you that there would be a certain comedic value, as there usually is, to watching the Zombie’s trying to figure out what the hell is going on, but it just doesn’t seem like anything good could possibly come of it.

Jeff O’Brien

I don’t see why they would even notice. They keep going without eyes so they don’t need to see. They feel no pain so who cares. They don’t breathe so they don’t need to worry about seared lungs. What earthly good does it do? And what if someone dies by burning in the middle of a zombie plague, do they not come back?

Casey Criswell - Cinema Fromage

Really, it all depends on the type of zombie we’re dealing with and your current surroundings. If we’re dealing with the slow lumbering zombies in an outdoor setting, setting fire to the biters is a safe enough strategy, however you do not get the instant stoppage that you may get with a gun or blunt object. As long as you are prepared for a rambling, stumbling ball of fire, you should be in good shape. Remember, chances are they will set fire to something else inadvertently. If you are indoors, fire becomes an unsafe option. The destruction to the brain will take to long to set in and chances of them setting fire to the walls around you are high, possibly trapping you in the ensuing inferno.

If we are dealing with the ‘running zombie’, the use of fire becomes a moot point. Running zombies chasing you across a field is bad enough, but when it becomes a biting ball of flame? The danger becomes two fold and really, why bring that upon your self.

In the end, if you are up for some sport and are in an open area with plenty of exit routes, fire adds spice to the hunt. If you are fleeing for your life or stuck indoors, stick to the firepower instead.

Kevin

Incinerated: Good. Flaming: Bad. As you explained to me long ago, a flaming zombie is infinitely more dangerous, especially when considering things like property damage.

Douse those flaming zombies, soldier!

Louis - Damaged 2.0

I have always thought that setting zombies on fire is the stupidest thing a horror character can do, besides trying to escape from a third floor window. Zombies are bad enough as they charge you, just wanting to bite you. Add some flames to that equation and, when they attack you, they’ll set you on fire, so all you’re doing, like a Goddamn dumbass, is cooking their dinner for them.

Probably a better weapon would be a high-powered water-hose. At least if you get enough pressure behind a blast you could knock off the hears of the more rotted and brittle ones.

The debate rages in the comments below. Let your voice be heard! Thanks once again to all the contributors to this week’s roundtable. Make sure you check out their sites for even more horror excitement. What else do you have planned for the long weekend?

Recommend another foreign horror movie.

Paul Corupe - Canuxploitation

Netherlands

I’m going to go with Dick Maas’ moderately effective stab at elevator horror, The Lift, a curiosuly unseen Dutch effort. I first spotted it for sale in a used video store, and I couldn’t resist the amazing tagline: “Take the stairs…take the stairs! For God’s sake, take the Stairs!!!” In the film, an elevator repair man investigates a malfunctioning lift that is killing people. It’s a nice mix of campily decadent 80s horror (a debauched executive having an affair in the elevator) with occasional shocks and surprises (a blind man falls down the shaft thinking the elevator car is there!) and even a sprinkle of social commentary, when it’s revealed that an American manufacturer may be to blame. It was remade by Maas himself almost a decade later in Hollywood as The Shaft.

Jeff O’Brien

Ireland

Dead Meat.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

New Zealand

I’m recommending an obscure series of films from New Zealand called The Lord of the Rings. No, for real! You don’t have to look any further than The Wizard of Oz’s flying monkeys to see how influential horror in non-horror films can be, and seen in that light this epic from horror veteran Peter Jackson is tough to top. The orcs, the Ringwraiths, the Uruk-Hai, Bilbo’s Ring-driven freak-out, the Watcher in the Water, the cave troll, the Balrog, Gollum, the Dead Marshes, the fell beasts, the Eye of Sauron, the wargs, the Paths of the Dead, Minas Morgul, Shelob’s lair, Shelob herself, Aragorn’s dream, the Mouth of Sauron…top-flight horror images one and all. I eagerly await the grown-up fruits of the childhood nightmares they’ve inspired.

Nathan - MicroHorror

The United Kingdom

The United Kingdom, in recent years, has blessed us with some truly great and original horror films. “28 Days Later” and “Shaun of the Dead” will be influencing zombie movies for years to come, and “Dog Soldiers” was pretty much a perfect werewolf film. You don’t need me to tell you how good those movies are, nor do you need to listen to me go on about the classic Hammer horror oeuvre. Instead, I’ll tell you about a movie which may not be so perfect and timeless, but which is near and dear to my heart: 1972’s “Tales from the Crypt.”

Amicus Productions was, and remains, best known for its anthology horror films, which include 1965’s “Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors” and 1970’s “The House That Dripped Blood.” As Amicus was already in the habit of producing movies consisting of several short stories all wrapped up together, it should come as no surprise that the studio turned to the comics of Bill Gaines and Al Feldstein for inspiration.

“Tales from the Crypt” contains five stories adapted from EC’s horror comics, plus a framing story. Ironically, only two of those stories were actually published in the comic “Tales from the Crypt.” The other three came from EC’s other horror titles, “The Vault of Horror” and “The Haunt of Fear.” The five segments are “…And All Through the House,” a cheerful tale of Christmas murder; “Reflection of Death,” a meditation on the aftermath of a fatal car accident; “Poetic Justice,” a satisfying story of revenge; “Wish You Were Here,” a loose adaptation of “The Monkey’s Paw”; and “Blind Alleys,” a cautionary tale about the abuse of power.

“Tales from the Crypt,” admittedly, seems a little dated these days, and the HBO series spearheaded by Robert Zemeckis really is the definitive collection of EC adaptations, but it’s still chock full of delightfully grim humor and dry wit, as the oh-so-American shock stories of EC get filtered through the very British sensibilities of Amicus. Enjoy.

After far too long a wait, “Tales from the Crypt” will finally be released on DVD on September 11, 2007, in a double pack with Amicus’s 1973 follow-up “The Vault of Horror.”

Thanks to Jeff and Paul (and Sean and Nathan) for taking one for the team. You wouldn’t think there’d be a silver lining to having so few submissions, but it’s kind of nice to be able to thank contributors individually.

I’m off to the Festival of Fear tomorrow, where I hope I can meet a few Roundtable members and maybe buy that poster from Humoungous I saw last year. Have a nice weekend!

I don’t doubt that many of the regular readers of the Horror Roundtable skip over my closing remarks, but if you do you may have missed some news. The next Roundtable will be our first two-parter, continuing our quest to catalogue as many cool, diverse foreign horror movies as possible. The twist is that for the first time the Roundtable is open to all readers. So if you’ve ever had a hankering to join in, read the rules below and join the discussion.

Send the names of two countries, your primary and secondary choices, to steven@thehorrorblog.com. I will let you know which of your choices is still available. The following conditions apply.

1) You cannot choose a movie from your country of origin.

2) You cannot choose a movie from a country that someone else has already chosen.

Countries not yet chosen include Brazil, India, the United States, South Africa, Turkey, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and many more.

Recommend a foreign horror movie.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Italy

There’s been so much great stuff from Italy that it’s kind of hard to choose, but I thought I would pick one that maybe not everyone has seen. “The New York Ripper” from Lucio Fulci is one of those that a lot of people are aware of, but not everyone has had the chance to check out.

History has been kind to Fulci, especially in America, but most people forget that he was looked at as a pariah in his native Italy for most of his life. Not sure if you know, but Jesus is HUGE over there :) Understandably, the country that plays host to the Pope wasn’t exactly enamored with his brand of sick sexualized violence.

And as far as that goes, “The New York Ripper” is one of his most twisted films. It’s a take on the Italian Giallo that Argento made so famous, but with Fulci’s own twisted sensibilities. It’s got it all, red herrings, floating hands, and some of the nastiest violence ever put to celluloid. He takes great pains to let his camera linger as the killer literally tears the flesh of his victims asunder with his knife. There’s also this awful ripping sound that he insists on using over and over. There are also a lot of sexual undertones (and overtones) to the film that cause the violence to be even more uncomfortable to watch.

So if you’re looking for some twisted Italian cinema, it’s hard to not like “The New York Ripper.” It may not be the best the country has to offer, but I certainly consider it a hidden gem.

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

Spain

Well, one of my all-time fav horror films is the Spanish classic TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD from Amando De Ossorio. I love this movie so much… what a great concept for a zombie film.

Jeff O’Brien

South Korea.

Phone - GREAT film!

Nathan - MicroHorror

Germany

When described in certain carefully picked terms, “Anatomie” (2000) can be made to sound downright dull. After all, it’s a slasher movie. A lot of good-looking young people get gruesomely murdered by a mysterious killer. It’s very much in-genre, and could even be called formulaic in the debt it owes to “Scream” and the rest of the ’90s-’00s neo-slasher movement. But for all the weaknesses in its origins, “Anatomie” succeeds where it counts: in the execution.

You see, “Anatomie” is smart. Very smart. The writers are smart, and all the characters are smart. The characters have to be smart, because they’re all students at Heidelberg, the most prestigious medical school in Germany. Our heroine, Paula Henning (played by no less an actress than Franka Potente of “Run Lola Run”), qualified for admission by getting the second-highest entrance exam score in the entire country. Clearly we’re not dealing with the typical clueless teens here.

The premises just keep getting better. What Paula discovers at Heidelberg is nothing less than a conspiracy dating back centuries. It seems that, for hundreds of years, a secret society of doctors has rejected the Hippocratic Oath, and specifically the principal rule, “First do no harm.” Sometimes curing an individual patient just isn’t the best thing to do, not when he or she would be more valuable to the science of medicine as a specimen for study. Kidnapping? Murder? Torture? It’s all good if it’s in the name of science. The writers even tie this in with the “experiments” of Josef Mengele, a remarkably bold step for a German horror movie.

I won’t spoil any more specific plot points, but suffice it to say that “Anatomie” gives you a full dose of sadistic psychopaths, plot twists and gruesome special effects. It’s an American-style slasher film through and through, but with much more intelligence than Hollywood thinks horror fans can handle. I think you’ll enjoy it.

(Note: It has come to my attention that a sequel, “Anatomie 2″ has been released. I have not seen it, but all reports indicate that it is abominable. Consider yourself warned.)

Red Hawk - Happy Horror

Japan

After being notified that I was okay to recommend a Japanese movie, I had one major task… figuring out which one. I wanted to stay away from some of the more mainstream movies, like Ringu or Ju-On… as good as they are, anybody can recommend those, and I wanted to go with something a little different. After giving it alot of thought, I decided to recommend 1999’s Shikoku. Starring Kill Bill’s Chiaki Kuriyama, the movie’s about a young woman who goes back to the island of Shikoku where she grew up to reunite with her two friends, only to discover that one of them has died. Coinciding with her return is increased occurences of people seeing the spirits of their departed loved ones. Looking into things, she finds that her deceased friend’s mother has started traveling a traditional pilgrimage through the Shikoku shrines backwards, hoping to open the gates to the land of the dead to bring her daughter back.

I picked this movie not only because it’s a good thriller, but also because of the cultural content to it. Not only does it look at the spiritual side of the Japanese, but also features an actual ritual: the Shikoku 88-temple pilgrimage said to be originated by a Buddhist monk. The pilgrimage still exists today, of course, though most people undertaking it will take modern transportation, rather than the traditional walk (which would take between 30 and 60 days).

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

Canada

I recommend David Cronenberg’s Shivers. If you’re reading this you probably come from good horror stock and are already familiar with it, but just in case, imagine 28 Days Later with the blood-transmitted virus replaced with parasitic slugs, “rage” replaced with “lust,” the U.K. replaced with Canada, and Alex Garland replaced with J.G. Ballard. And the unbelievably gorgeous Lynn Lowry delivers one of the hottest monologues in movie history just before barfing up a slug and getting punched in the face. It’s probably my favorite Cronenberg.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

Mexico

Mexico is my pick because of the 1973 flick EL CASTILLO DE LAS MOMIAS DE GUANAJUATO. Like Turkish movies, I have no idea what is being said or anything else plotwise. Alls I knows is that it has three luchadores, dwarves, a cult, fake cardboard “stone” walls, and hulking mummies in suits.

I just love the style of it and the energy behind it. It sorta reminds me of the indie backyard flicks that I dig so much.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

France

France isn’t the first country that comes to mind when most people think about modern horror films, but that country has been releasing a steady stream of impressive thrillers in recent years that really deserve more attention and are often much more creative than anything being produced in the U.S. lately. One of my current favorite French directors is Gaspar Noe, but critics often refuse to call his films “horror.” He’s most well known in the U.S. for his disturbing revenge film Irreversible that shocked critics and left audiences reeling, but before he made Irreversible, Noe created another film that is just as disturbing and that was I Stand Alone (1998). I Stand Alone follows the troubled life of one of French cinema’s most nasty and unforgettable characters known only as The Butcher. The film mixes elements of Taxi Driver and Henry Portrait of a Serial, but it has an urgency and darkness that I think will surprise some of the most jaded horror fans. The kind of horrors that director Gaspar Noe conjures up are based in reality and can be hard to watch, but I Stand Alone is well worth the effort. Vive La France!

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Australia

Cars That Ate Paris – I discovered this one last year when I rented it on a whim from a local video store. I’d seen it around for years, but, like most horror fans, assumed it was a campy killer car flick, due to that title and the spiky VW bug on the cover. It’s not like that at all, though. It’s the debut feature from Peter Weir (Picnic at Hanging Rock, The Last Wave, Master and Commander: Far Side of the World) and it’s one of the most wonderfully weird movies I’ve ever seen, especially if you don’t know anything about it going in.

Basically (and sort-of), it’s about milquetoast of a man who gets stranded is this nutzoid tiny town that’s up to all kinds of no good, and also has a problem with their youth, who turn their cars into strange Mad Max-style vehicles and tear up the place. And the place in question is Paris, hence the title, which Weir imbues with an off-kilter atmosphere that reminded me of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre – but is also very Australian.

The setting and characters of this movie are so unique and the plot so unconventional, it’s clearly the work of a major film talent-in-the-making. I love when filmmakers create entire worlds, spit on convention and still keep you entertained, despite obvious budgetary restraints. In other words, it still really is an undiscovered gem amongst North American genre fans. It’s a great one to spring on open-minded friends who need to have their opinion of Australian permanently scarred by some kick-ass cinematic dementia.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

The Philippines

My movie choice is a film from the proud land known for its outrageous cinema - The Philippines!

Now when I say “outrageous cinema” let me put this in context. The Philippines is long known for its romances, its action and its jungle pictures. What it is not known for (and should be) are its horror pictures, which unlike many countries also contain elements of action, romance, and yes - the jungle. Nothing exemplifies the twisted hybrid of jungle, action, romance and horror like the frenetic movie ZUMA.
Zuma is the tale of a man who is the son of a snake god and is imprisoned in a pyramid in the middle of the filippino jungle. When archeologists open the tomb, they unleash Zuma - a green skinned man with two live snakes growing out of his shoulders. Zuma slaughters the archeologists and escapes into the jungle only to find a couple camping. He kills the man (giving his snakes a workout) and rapes the woman making her his slave.

They try to escape the authorities (Zuma wears a trenchcoat and straw hat), but Zuma is captured and the now-pregnant woman is put in prison. This occurs only after the bodies have piled higher than cordwood for winter.

I won’t spoil the rest for you other than to say there’s a daughter involved and Zuma has a sequel: Anak ni Zuma.

Note, Zuma is the big green guy in the center of all these filippino comics characters… and no, he’s not a hero.

A profile of the character is here.

Thanks to all this week’s contributors for taking us on a trip around the world! For next week’s Roundtable I thought I’d try something a little different. The theme of foreign Horror will continue, but this time I’ll be accepting contributions from anyone interested in participating. The following rules apply.

Send the names of two countries, your primary and secondary choices, to steven@thehorrorblog.com. I will let you know which of your choices is still available and from there you can write your recommendation to be included in next week’s Roundtable. To start you off, countries not mentioned in this week’s Roundtable include New Zealand, Brazil, India, the United Kingdoms, Ireland, South Africa, Turkey, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and many more. Have fun!

Name your favourite creepy tale for around the campfire.

Nathan - MicroHorror

I love the old classics. Give me a story with a brutal murder and a narrow escape, and I’ll be a happy man (as well as one inclined to sleep with the light on).

The dead, dangling boyfriend’s fingernails scratching on the roof of the RV.
The friend with the axe in her back, rattling the doorknob, trying to get back inside before she bleeds to death.
Written in blood, next to the dead dog: “HUMANS CAN LICK TOO.”
And, of course, the greatest of all, with no further explanation needed: “AREN’T YOU GLAD YOU DIDN’T TURN ON THE LIGHT?”

Ah, the lone survivor, the unsung hero of horror. There always has to be one left to tell the tale.

Eric - Bloody Good Horror

Where I live in the North East there’s a lot of rural area and mountains close by, so naturally these places kind of lend themselves to legends. While staying at my friends camp about an hour away, he told me a story about a 7 foot tall albino that had murdered some hikers in the area in the 80’s. As it turns out, the story is actually true, and they never caught the guy.

I’m 18 at this point, and pretty drunk, and the more I drink the more I get freaked out about this giant albino. I had to sleep on a couch underneath this huge bay window at his camp, and the whole night I just kept thinking I was going to open my eyes and see this albino standing over me in the window. That story still kind of freaks me out when I’m in the woods to this day, and my friends still make fun of me.

Glad that my first week on the panel gave everyone a chance to see how much of a wuss I am.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

This is an easy one. It’s so scary, in fact, I won’t recount it here,
but the title alone should send a chill down your spine.

Hands down, the scariest camping tale I know is:

“The Man Who Went Into The Woods Without Enough Beer!”

Mwuh huh huh huh huh!

Rony

The tale that scared me the most as a kid was when someone told a story about a kid who died in the same woods we were in and then later on that same person who told the story scares the crap out of you by jumping out of some bushes 20 minutes later.

Louis - Damaged 2.0

There was one that I first heard about seven or so years ago, about this country named America, that elected this monster, named George Bush, President of the United States. Long story short, the call was coming from inside the house!

JA - My New Plaid Pants

There’s this dude that rises to power and he’s totally evil and brings a thousand years of devil’s reign with seven-headed dragons and all manner of demons from the depths and no this isn’t current politics I went to Church Camp.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

The various versions I’ve heard of the “Velvet Ribbon” story are my favorites. I’ve heard the story told many different ways but it always involves a beautiful woman who wears a velvet ribbon around her neck and the male protagonist of the story always ends up removing it and the girl’s head falls off. I believe it’s originally based on a classic horror story by Washington Irving, but it’s become a a great campfire tale over the years.

Thanks to all this week’s contributors. Even the smart asses. You’ll get yours one day. If you’d like to share your creeptacular campfire tales, please do so in the comments below.

Name a period of time when your interest in horror diminished, and what brought you back.

Brainbug - The Celluloid Cesspool

I’ll let you know if that ever happens. Sure, I’ve had periods where I’ve watched less and read less because I had other stuff going on in my life, but the interest has never really gone away. I’ve been a horror fan ever since I watched The Hilarious House of Frightenstein as a kid, and I don’t seen any end in sight.

Billy

A peroid of time when my interest in horror movies diminished would be right now, and for a couple reasons. I just don’t have the time to watch alot of movies. And I think the quality of horror movie is going down. There is too much emphasis on special effects and not enough on actually making it scary. I’m not huge into the gore movies, I like movies that are scary and I think there is a real lack of directors out there that realise lights turning off by themselves are a hundred times scarier than seeing a monster in full detail eating some hapless victim.

Sean T. Collins - Attentiondeficitdisorderly Too Flat

After I got married and moved in with my lovely wife, I had a lot less “me time” in terms of being able to watch horrendously violent movies. (She’s not into ‘em.) So it’s not that my interest diminished per se, just the frequency with which I watched and therefore thought about horror. At a certain point this fact dawned on me, and the result was Where the Monsters Go, the big horrorblogging marathon I did in October of 2003. That brought me back and kept me back. I realized that as a busy adult, you can’t just count on being able to do fun stuff with no forethought, and that’s fine. It’s just a matter of making a conscious effort to carve out time for something I know I get a lot of pleasure and fulfillment out of.

Jeff O’Brien

I can’t put an exact era to it but I’d have to say it’s those summers when H’wood floods us with big budget action spectacle posing as horror. The remake of The Haunting, Event Horizon… the Resident Evil movies… does any real horror fan actually find that stuff frightening as opposed to cool looking eye candy?

Nathan - MicroHorror

That’s an interesting question. Before I can answer it, I need to specify that I can’t really call myself interested in “horror” per se. I say this because horror is so broad a category, encompassing so many very different genres, forms and media, that it’s impossible to take in all of horror as a gestalt. To say that one has an interest in horror is similar to saying that one has an interest in music: you need to be more specific in order to convey any useful information.

That said, my interest in the overarching field of horror waxes and wanes with my interest in, and access to, the various subcategories that constitute it. I seek out the horror that I feel will best give me what I need at any given time, whether that be entertainment and distraction or something more meaningful. An example: I went through some fairly heavy periods of depression in high school and college. When the weight of the world seemed too much to bear, I wanted to escape into a different universe. I found satisfaction in horror movies and fiction that came supported by their own mythoi, where the creators had generated enough background that the realities behind the stories were self-supporting. The works of H.P. Lovecraft and Clive Barker, in particular, were great comforts.

More broadly, sometimes I feel short of attention span, and am disinclined to sit through entire two-hour movies, so I seek out anthology films, and that will constitute most of my horror diet until I watch every one that I can access. When I run out, I move on to something else.

Also, naturally, I do have interests and fandoms outside of horror, and sometimes they take priority. Next month, Season 2 of The Muppet Show hits DVD, and I doubt I’ll be watching much of anything until I’ve finished devouring that. (For what it’s worth, though, any horror fan worth his or her salt should watch the episodes guest-starring Vincent Price and Alice Cooper. They’re beautiful.)

I apologize for the long-windedness, but it’s all by way of saying that my interest in horror never genuinely diminishes, even when I seem less involved in the field. Inevitably, something new to me is waiting in the wings, ready to sink its claws in my throat and drag me back. I always go willingly.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

I have to admit thatlately I haven’t been to “up in the clouds” about the horror genre. I’ve been worrying that the genre - especially in its moviemaking - has been increasingly derivative and truly doesn’t try hard enough. I take part of the blame on myself as much as anyone I could point to in that I have rented discs or seen movies that I really wasn’t to keen on.

What I should has done was take my money elsewhere but I have been going with the flow.

I’m not out of the genre by any means, I just think that in many ways, we are seeing the genre move to other media than movies. I just got back from the San Diego Comic Con, and saw many cool things coming on the horizon - new comics, toys, video games, and of course, movies.

[I urge everyone to pick up the upcoming The Complete History of the Skywald Horror Mood by Alan Hewetson]

I am especially bullish on Clive Barker’s Midnight Meat Train coming out in awhile (not sure of the release date). The trailer looked fantastic and I’m going to stick it out there and say this is going be faithful to what Barker intended - especially since his name is on it. This has always been one of my favorite of Barker’s Books of Blood.

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I would say, around the beginning of the 1990s. For a few years, there was nothing too good out there that kept me interested in either film, or music. Thankfully, by the mid-nineties, I started my new career in the home video industry and things started to be interesting again. Too bad that music, too, of that period (1990 - ), until now, pretty much has still lost my interest.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Through my teens I drifted away from horror, mainly because I didn’t know anyone that was into it to introduce me to a lot of the really cool stuff I couldn’t watch as a kid. Then I took a film class in my early 20s, where I met a good friend who turned me on to all kinds of cool fright flicks.

Curt - Groovy Age of Horror

In college and grad school, academics and other collegey stuff took precedence, but I never truly lost my love of horror. What reinspired it, I think, was erotic-horror anime like WICKED CITY and UROTSUKIDOJI. In my search for more sexy horror stuff, I found the book IMMORAL TALES, which introduced me to the kind of European horror that’s been most influential in shaping my tastes.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

In the late 80s-early 90s horror films hit a really rough spot. So much crap was being released and directors were battling studios to get films made and shown uncut. It was ugly. I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever lost interest in horror films but I was disappointed with the genre as a whole for awhile. Thankfully rare gems did get made during that time which gave me hope that things would change sooner or later. Sadly I’m sort of feeling the same way about modern horror at the moment but I never lose interest.

“May Cropsy pass over your campsite in favor of the naked teens!!” - David Z. As you read this I will be swinging in my hammock surrounded by woods and enjoying a pulpy novel or three. Thanks to all the contributors for this week’s confessional. Has Horror ever worn out its welcome with you? Let us know in the comments below, dig?

Name an experience, successful or disasterous, where you tried to introduce someone to Horror, a particular sub-genre of Horror, or a specific film.

Rony

I tried to get one of my friends to watch a zombie movie “night of the living dead” and when I told them that it was b&w and that the zombies didn’t run fast like in 28 days later (only zombie type film they’ve seen), they got upset and told me to screw myself, so I slapped them and made them watch the movie. They ended up liking the movie.

Brainbug - The Celluloid Cesspool

One of my disastrous attempts was back in high school when I showed my girlfriend Craven’s Last House on the Left. She was the kind of girl who grew up with Saved by the Bell and Full House, so seeing two girls degraded, raped, carved up and forced to piss their pants was kind of a shock to her entire sheltered world. Interestingly enough, it’s ten years later and she’s now studying to become a psychologist and we’re celebrating our one year wedding anniversary next week. Her attempts to analyze my mental state have proven futile throughout the years. I will never forget the bewildered look she gave me when she walked into the room during the giant human sandwich scene in Microwave Massacre. I doubt they covered that in her classes.

Warren - 150 Days of Sodom

I got my ex into Italian horror movies and European horror movies which pretty much made our relationship work since she turned out to be someone who liked to stay in at night and I would settle for that as long as we could watch something that I’d be into.

It was not a hard sell really, she pretty much enjoyed the movies from the get-go, particularly Dario Argento, Paul Naschy, and Mario Bava stuff. She always enjoyed horror movies, but I think she was captivated by the fashion (and hairstyles!) and the music (dance scenes in clubs!) in these older European movies, and of course the beautiful girls - they were all perfect 10’s back then.

Don’t laugh, I enjoy some of the non-horror elements in these movies as well, such as the sets and locations, which are all very exotic to me.

Now that I’m single I don’t watch nearly as many movies, maybe a 10th as many as before, that’s a shame I guess.

Don May, Jr. - Synapse

I remember taking a date (a girl I REALLY, REALLY liked) to see Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD. She’d never seen ANYTHING like that before… she was repulsed, disgusted and totally offended by the gore. She was fascinated that I was such a horror film fan and really wanted to see what all the fuss was about… evidently, she didn’t “get” it! LOL!

Needless to say, we never went out on a date EVER again.

Jeff O’Brien

I had a friend who bragged that she was open to new and obscure films, art films, edgy stuff. So I told her about MAN BITES DOG, which fits all the above descriptions. She was pretty appalled by it and to this day, years later, has not forgotten it.

Dave - Rue Morgue’s The Abbatoir

Co-programming our monthly movie nights means that I get to help introduce a whole whack of people to a particular movie, which is really satisfying sometimes. My personal favourites so far have been Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare (we brought in Thor and the crowd ate it up — lots of
laughs), Monster Squad, which many seemed to have heard about and were seeing on film for the first time (big applause on that one) and, for a more serious pick, the Canuck survival horror gem Rituals, which has never been on DVD, so the majority of the crowd hadn’t seen it, some had never heard of it, and most seemed to really dig it. Plus, we had a cast and crew Q&A afterwards, which took the whole night to another level.

In terms of a bad experience, one time I had a date with this girl who said she liked horror films and wanted to watch one. I figured Evil Dead was a safe choice, but she didn’t seem to get it. It was kinda awkward and, really, if she hadn’t already seen Evil Dead, I shouldn’t have bothered with her in the first place. She nearly swallowed my soul.

Bill Cunningham - DisContent

I gave someone a copy of ICHI THE KILLER… they haven’t looked at me the same way since. It’s always in the back of their mind that I watched and recommended this movie…

Oh well.

Nathan - MicroHorror

It was my junior prom. A double date. After dinner, but before going to the school dance, the four of us went to see “From Dusk Till Dawn.” That didn’t work at all.

Kimberly - Cinebeats

Disastrous moments seem to stand out more than the good ones. One of the worst experiences I can remember was when I made the mistake of showing one of my old roommates Argento’s Opera after it just came out on video. I didn’t know at the time that he hated eyeball horror/gore. For some reason any eyeball gore deeply disturbed him (maybe he saw Fulci’s Zombi 2 when he was a kid? Who knows…). If you’ve seen Opera, you probably know that the film has lots of eyeball related moments and when the first scene started where the girl gets tied up and has needles put under her eyes my roommate went nuts. He yelled a bit, called me a sicko, left the room and refused to watch the rest of the movie. It was awkward to say the least.

Tim - Mondo Schlocko

I don’t know if I ever had much of a experience or any anecdote to offer, but it seems that I can never get anyone I know in my home state to watch and enjoy indie “backyard” b-movies.

Only two people from last week’s roundtable participated in this one. Are you guys taking turns? If you’d like to share your own awkward tales of horror proselytization in the comments below, we’d like to hear them.