Since I received zero response yesterday to one of the funniest commercials ever made, I thought I’d post another commercial for Midnight Spank. Not quite as creepy as yesterday’s clip, but I still wouldn’t want to open the bag.

It’s still not official, but Dread Central has the scoop on the probable demise of the Blade television series. I watched the pilot episode, but like many the series didn’t manage to keep my interest. Unlike many, I had no problem with the lead and thought he did a wonderful job filling in for Snipes. It just seemed as if they were covering the same ground as the movies with a streetwise vampire hunter taking down the aristocratic vampire elite, and I’m pretty much finished with that Anne Rice nonsense, especially since that kind of storyline didn’t seem as if it would be taking advantage of the wonderful locale. Oh, well.

In more positive Daywalker news, comic artist Howard Chaykin has been busy illustrating the new adventures of Blade over at Marvel Comics, and he talks shop over at Newsarama. It’s too bad Marvel isn’t getting any more of my money, or I would probably pick this up.

The clip above is a weird ass commericial for G4’s Midnight Spank programming and is one of the best things I have seen in a long time. In 30 seconds I found myself fluctuating wildly between bemusement and horror. I think those brightly-lit, nearly barren basements always freaked me out more than the ones draped in shadows.

Thanks to DVD Trash, who posted a clip concerning the history of breasts in video games, which mistakenly contained the Midnight Spank commercial at the end.

A small town in Kansas is thrown into turmoil by the appearance of a mushroom cloud on the horizon.

Bill over at DisContent gets it right when he says that Jericho is “a bit soft in the belly”. Jericho is a show that has a number of great moments, many of which tap into those Cold War memories people of a certain age share, that unfortunately lacks the overall level of suspense that this kind of program requires to succeed.

I remember watching a stand-up comedian performing a routine about the original Kansas-based nuclear apocalypse thriller, The Day After. He pointed out a scene in which people are rioting at a grocery store and you can see cashiers working hard keeping everything in order. His question was, what kind of overtime do you get during the apocalypse? A similar sense of ignorant calm pervades Jericho. You actually see waitresses working at the local tavern mere hours after a mushroom cloud appears on the horizon. Only a few townspeople seem to have any idea of the gravity of their situation.

One of the fallacies of the many dark suspense serials that came out on the heels of Lost was in taking things at a snail’s pace and only slowly giving out answers to the questions being posed. The reality is that most successful serials actually answer those questions both early and regularly. What they do is replace said mysteries with new ones. They keep the pump primed. It may be too early to say, but the first episode of Jericho seems more like that of the disasterous Invasion than of the show which it no doubt wants to emulate.

Whatever little sense of panic created in the premiere is quelled quite easily by the good folk of Jericho, meant perhaps to emphasize the level-headed rationality of some fantasy version of small-town America. Practically the only reason to watch a show like this is to place familiar characters into an unfamiliar situation and see how they react under the pressure, something which Jericho so far hasn’t come close to establishing. The only way that I can see Jericho succeeding in the long run is if it became something of an anti-Lost, in which characters familiar to one another slowly become strangers and where old secrets aren’t necessarily revealed but created and acted upon. In short, the decline of civilization. I’m intrigued enough to keep watching, but not for long.

It looks like yet another horror channel is on the horizon, this time courtesy of Lion’s Gate and Sony. According to an article in the Los Angeles Times, the two studios have teamed up with Comcast to create Fearnet, and apparently it’s due this Halloween via cable and the internet. The most interesting aspect of the announcement, aside from the rather shocking claim that the two studios combined own about 50% of the horror market, is that they are planning original content.

Plans for Fearnet call for it to offer mainly movies from studio libraries but also some original content such as short films.

In addition, there are plans to reach out to horror genre directors for a program called Masters of Fear.

You’ve got to be kidding me. I gave the Italian Masters of Horror a pass because there’s a long-standing tradition for such things, but if they’re honestly considering calling their director driven show Masters of Fear, Fearnet must be out of their minds. Despite that, I wonder who they might approach for their Masters show. It would be interesting to see if Fearnet is forced to scrape the bottom of the barrel, especially considering that’s where some of the tastiest trash can be found.

Of all the shows premiering this Fall, my most anticipated is Jericho. I’m a sucker for apocalyptic fiction, and an entire season of it is right up my alley. Show writer Jon Steinberg nailed the appeal for me with this quote from an article on the show.

“[We wanted] to tell a very big story in a very small place. There’s a tradition of it in features and not that much in TV. Sort of the ‘28 Days Later’ and ‘Signs’ and those kind of movies, taking that and building on a world like that.”

The first episode has been making its way around the internet for weeks now, so CBS has decided to give in an post an official release. Enjoy.

When I first heard that screenwriter and producer Joseph Stefano had passed away, my most vivid thought wasn’t of his script for Psycho or his creation with Leslie Stevens of seminal television creature feature The Outer Limits. No, my attention was riveted by the news that the writer for Snowbeast had died.

Made-for-TV in the 70s, Snowbeast involves a sasquatch which terrorizes a ski resort, not unlike Jaws in the snow. Snowbeast is legendary at the studio where I work, and it comes up in conversation at least once every two or three weeks, so it saddens me that someone who created a work that brought so much joy into the lives of so many has left us.

So here’s to a man who, despite his reservations towards the genre, was remarkably talented nonetheless. Rest in peace, Mr. Stefano.

The results of the 2006 Hugo Awards, a ceremony which celebrate achievements in science-fiction, were announced Saturday night. Among the winners was a two-part installment of the Doctor Who relaunch for Dramatic Presentation: Short Form, entitled The Empty Child and The Docotr Dances. Among the competition for the award were two other episodes from the same season and one episode of Battlestar Galactica, so I guess the odds were in Doctor Who’s favour.

If you’re wondering why I’m even mentioning this, as I’ve said in the past I believe Doctor Who is by far the scariest television series ever broadcast. And the two episodes which won the competition are without a doubt the most frightening thing I have witnessed on the small screen.

Congratulations to the Doctor Who team for the well-deserved win. I’m looking forward to season 2.

King Kong is on top of the world!

Here are three commercials for Mego tie-ins to the 1977 King Kong remake, one for models, another for a straw(!), and a third where the kids get to shoot King Kong off the top of the World Trade Center. So much for pathos. And is it just me, or did that kid seem to be aiming at a different target than the one on the building?

I love writing this blog, but there are some days where I feel like I’m running out of steam and have to force myself to get started. Then there are some days where the stars align, Cthulhu rises from ancient R’lyeh, and the whole thing becomes worth the effort.

A producer from Wife Swap has contacted me asking if I would post a notice concerning a casting call they’re arranging. Will I? Fuck, yeah!

Casting Producers for ABC TV’s Wife Swap will attend this year’s Monster-Mania Convention August 25th-27th in Cherry Hill, NJ to find great families who love horror movies, collectibles, and who belong to monster and horror clubs to participate in Season 3 of this prime time hit!!

Interviews are now being scheduled for Saturday, August 26th, 2006 ONLY in the Celebrity Autograph Room. Appointment times will fill up fast so contact us as soon as possible to reserve your time! Your family can still be considered even if you miss the interview day.

Referrals are strongly encouraged. Ideal families are unique, fun-loving, laid-back, and pride themselves on being individuals who stand out from the crowd! Producers hope to feature families that are something we have never seen on TV!

All families featured on the show receive a $20,000 honorarium.
Potential families can live anywhere in the continental United States and should consist of two parents who have at least one child, age 6 or older, living at home.

The premise of Wife Swap is that one parent from each household swaps places for a week to experience how another family lives. It is an incredible family opportunity to both learn and teach different family values. The New York Post says, “It should be called ‘Life Swap’ because it’s not just the wives who learn something here. It’s the families.”

Please call Casting Directors Catherine Pappas at 212-404-1472 or Rachelle Mendez at 212-404-2442 to schedule an interview time during the convention or to receive an application if you are unable to attend. You may also contact us by email at Catherine.Pappas@rdfusa.com or Rachelle.Mendez@rdfusa.com.

Well, that made my day. If anyone reading this has an opportunity to go, please do and report back here with all the dirt.

How often do you get to read, watch or listen to something on this blog that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy? For the sake of our emotional well-being, I have to break up the mayhem every once in awhile and bring you something unbearably sweet. Please enjoy this ode to brotherhood and compassion, as only the The Horror Blog can bring it to you.

And, hey. Take care of one another out there.

“Regulations, my foot. Just wait ’til I put one under Ol’ Bradley’s blanket.”

While ashore in South America, the world’s most idiotic sailor buys a bucket full of poisonous snakes to take aboard the submarine he’s assigned to. The snakes not only begin attacking the crew, but also cause malfunctions that could doom the entire submarine to the ocean’s floor.

“Snakes on a Sub” is a little misleading as the title of this 1974 made-for-television movie is actually Fer-De-Lance. That title is not only the name of the submarine, it’s also a type of snake, hence the reason the sailor decides to bring a bushel of them aboard.

Fer-De-Lance is a potential classic undermined by its complete lack of character. One of the essential ingredients in a decent disaster movie is its characterization. This needn’t be deep, but it should at least be evident, or at least half as compelling as the colourful jumpsuits the international civilian scientists are forced to wear. Nowhere in Fer-De-Lance are we introduced to the sailor who cracks open his wallet to show a picture of his newborn son, or the Captain and the nurse who are sharing a forbidden tryst, or the 10-year-old stowaway who fell asleep onboard while the submarine was docked. Instead the movie proceeds almost as if it were some kind of absurd documentary, with nearly everyone acting efficiently and with military precision. And who wants that?

In place of compelling stereotypes we are treated to near-identical drones and enough nautical jargon to help me get through naval academy. There are only two exceptions to this, and both instances are the best parts of the movie. One of the crew members begins to lose it, while another becomes more of a hardass the more he drinks, and he seems to drink alot. Finally, to be fair, in the end Fer-De-Lance does have one of the most simple yet effective snake kills I have ever seen, and I’m a real sucker for any movie that finishes on a high note.

The Norliss Tapes was Dan Curtis’ follow-up to the wildly successful Kolchak TV-movies. While it also centred around a reporter caught up in supernatural events, the twist on The Norliss Tapes was that the main character was only ever portrayed in flashback. Norliss had gone missing, leaving behind a deskful of cryptic audio tapes which his publisher believed could hold the answer to his disappearance. Unfortunately, The Norliss Tapes never got past the pilot episode. Now, according to Fangoria, The Norliss Tapes will finally get its chance to shine on DVD.

And there’s a lot more coming in October from the Bay, for whom Halloween is Christmas: The 3rd also sees the DVDebut of THE NORLISS TAPES, the 1973 pilot for a never-launched TV series directed by Dan Curtis and scripted by William F. Nolan, who would reteam soon thereafter on TRILOGY OF TERROR.

As a huge fan of Kolchak, and creepy seventies horror telefilms in general, I’m really excited that I’ll finally be able to watch it.

Billy’s response in the last Horror Roundtable, where he insisted on naming a dead Master of Horror despite my instructions specifying living directors, got me thinking. Was I being prejudiced? Could the dead actually contribute to the series?

One of my favourite authors is Cornell Woolrich, one of the greatest suspense writers who ever lived. He’s the literary equivalent to Alfred Hitchcock, a point which is reinforced by Hitchock’s use of Woolrich’s stories for his films. Rear Window is the most famous of these adaptations, with at least four other stories having been used for television under Hitchcock’s supervision. One of these adaptations was Three O’Clock, which, unlike the other pieces made for T.V., was actually directed by Hitchcock and may be one of his more suspenseful works. So far as I can tell it has never been released legally on video in its full form.

Which leads to the idea that maybe they can have the deceased pitch into the Masters of Horror series. Just how cool would it be to dig up some nearly-forgotten horror gem from famous directors of days gone by? How about Jim Henson’s trippy teleplay The Cube, Serling’s Requiem For A Heavyweight, or Mario Bava’s final work La Venere d’Ille? I would love to see some neglected piece of genre television dusted off and presented side-by-side with contemporary directors in a package with all the bells and whistles. It would certainly make for a refreshing change of pace.

Or, as the kids like to call it, SYTYCD. The show is scary on its own, but things get even more frightening when they combine Michael Jackson’s Thriller choreography with interpretive dance.

Shake that zombie booty!